Happy Birthday Bert Wilder!!!

Hey Bloggies!

There isn't much of a story here other than the following transcript from my B-day dinner:

Waitress to LL: Need anything?
LL: Yes, may I please have another Long Island Iced Tea?
(repeat 5 x and get slurrier in your presentation; see below)


4 Tall LITS into the night...
(sorry for the picture quality, Nikki took it and she's retarded. jk!)

So where were we? oh...
{singing crowd of waiters and waitresses surround table and sing Happy Birthday song to Laura with chocolate cake in hand. Song sounded like the "Round Up" weed killer commercial from the 80's. In fact I'm sure that's what it was...}
LL (looking at cake in front of her): Excuse me...
Waitress: Yes?
LL: What...um...what does this cake say on it?
Waitress: It says, BEST WISHES!
LL: oh (pause...)
LL: Because I thought it said Bert Wilder.
{confused laughter erupts at the table}
Everyone: OMG Laura is SMASHED!
LL (holding up cake): But look!
Everyone (astonished): Oh. Yeah. It does. You're still smashed though. Shut up Bert.

So here ya go peeps...Happy BIRFday to meeeeeee! :) Sorry I couldnt open my eyes any wider for this pic. ;)



I just want to say one more thing here (in my THIRD post of the day) and that is that Lindsays blog today was so sweet and just touched my heart so much. One of these days, my blog will be a happy place for you to read about thelauralee, however for months now, it's been erratic. Mostly inappropriate (sorry that's not gonna change). Seems I'm always bellyaching over something that's keeping me from being happy. Really, the only thing that's keeping me from being happy is me. Thank you Lindsay and everyone for being such cool girlfriends. Can't we just date each other???

I love you Linz...for knowing me, for loving me back, for knowing just what I need. You're my favorite surrogate boyfriend. :) Dont get jealous girls (ehem...specifically HH...you already said today that I had to get over you since you quote GI Joe and I'm not allowed to date anyone who does that from now on including you...so deal.)

Anyway...check it out. For Lindsay, I might start loving Good Charlotte just for writing that! (maybe...)

Songs of the Day: Wow..Mix 106 is quite eclectic after the 80's Cafe at lunch is over...
Speed of Sound - Coldplay (mmmm sexy)
You'll Think of Me - Keith Urban (here's to breaking up...cheers Keith)
This is the sweetest love song! Bless the Broken Road - Rascall Flatts
*I don't even watch American Idol, but Nikki had it on last night when that hot blond chick who won sang the above love song with the dudes who sing it (though I think they might be 'country-esque'). It's simply fabulous. I'm...vaclempt.

What it all comes down to...

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

You are Kip Dynamite and you love technology.
Boy. Do I EVER. How else would I chat with babes all day? Don't be jealous.

Which Napoleon Dynamite Character are you?

And I say..."Your sandy hair floats in the air... To me it's like a lullaby... I'm just flying by... Oh so high... like a kite... tied to a skate...”

Devious Honey Lee Large

Dats my rightful name, and you best respeck dat or imunna give ya da pimp hand beeyatches!

One of the things most hype about being an elevated playa is having a name that mothafuckas respect. It's that one thing that punks who don't have your money always remember to yell while you're beating them down. "No Honey Lee! Please don't beat me down Crazy Eyes Laura Smooth! I left my money in my other pants Masterfly Lee Wicked!" See, when you a pimp like me, you gots ta have lots a names to protect yo anon..anoniminy? Anyway, you gots ta protect that shit. But Honey Lee be the main title this dogg goes by. BY the way bitches, I'm white chocolate to the highest degree, and had to have MY ass whooped many a time by some seasoned pimp daddies before I was given my own territory, right up behind the Cross Street Market. Souf Balmer baby, and you betta reckanize! Boi!!!!!!!

I think it would be fittin, if you were to give daddy YOUR pimp poppa name, so go to the Pimp Daddy Name Generating Site and getcher smackin rights. Please leave me a comment with your pimp name...proper. I need ta know what to call you doggs...when Im beatin yer punk cracka asses! :)

Out.

-Large

Songs of the Day:
Big Pimpin - Jay Z (dats for you Reverand Pimpdaddy Jordan Zee Hill)
P.I.M.P. - 50 Cent (Let's hear it Deacon Doctor Jeanna G. Tickle!)
Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Greenday
True - Ryan Cabrera

Getting to Knooooow Ewe! Getting 2 Know All About Ewe!

Hey youz :) Some of my lovahs complaineed that they were tired of looking at those stupid kid sayings on my blog from last week and really, what the hell was I thinking posting that shit anyway? What have I become? One of those nerdy old ladies who posts shitty office forwards on her blog like: "SMACK! Its an e-snowball fight! You've been hit...please pass this on to 5000 people so they will hate you more and start deleting all your emails as they come in before they even read them! or "Mental Patients and Kids Say the Darnedest Things! " Oh no! not the darndest! shoo wee! It doesnt get any darndier than that. So I have an idear!!! How about I post one of those internet quizzes about myself that you guys love so much! Nothing feels better than to find out a little more about someone you're not quite comfortable getting into the inner workings of her mind in the first place. I dare you to take the exoctic journey that is....getting to knoooooow ewe! (me that is)

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Laura Lee
Birthday:	May 22
Birthplace:	Annapolis, Maryland
Current Location:	literally? my desk at good ol' Tate
Eye Color:	brown
Hair Color:	brown
Height:	5' 5" (barely!)
Right Handed or Left Handed:	depends on what it's for ;) but probably right
Your Heritage:	you guess! me love you longtime!
The Shoes You Wore Today:	sling back, black, mules that are now broken and have a flap that looks like a shoe mouth. my shoe talks.
Your Weakness:	men, booze, carbs and drama
Your Fears:	men, booze, carbs and drama (and carnies...circus folk)
Your Perfect Pizza:	mushroom, onion, tomato, NY style
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	here's 3: get a new job, lose weight & find true love and happiness
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	haha
Thoughts First Waking Up:	F*ckin A :(
Your Best Physical Feature:	hard to say...i'm so fine. let's go with the majority and say hair (most compliments)
Your Bedtime:	it just happens...I don't plan it...zzzzzzzzzz
Your Most Missed Memory:	my family trip to disney world. I'd give anything to relive it just like it was.
Pepsi or Coke:	PEPSI
MacDonalds or Burger King:	Chipotle
Single or Group Dates:	what the hell is a group date? how about A date, for starters?
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Ice tea, unsweetened, then I add that nutra sweet crap...ahhhh
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate...puleeze!
Cappuccino or Coffee:	chocolate milk (NOT YooHoo!)
Do you Smoke:	I'm on fire baby....so yeah.
Do you Swear:	fuck no
Do you Sing:	all the time..mee, mee, meeeee!
Do you Shower Daily:	maybe I do and MAYBE I DO!
Have you Been in Love:	no...I do not compute. syntax error.
Do you want to go to College:	please, no more college.
Do you want to get Married:	ehh....
Do you belive in yourself:	ouch! yes, I just pinched me and I'm real.
Do you get Motion Sickness:	not really, though once I yaked during an entire deep sea fishing trip and also I hated the time shaft at kings dominion, but no. :)
Do you think you are Attractive:	do you think you are attractive? ( I ask the magic mirror...she always says yes)
Are you a Health Freak:	I'm the FREAK part.
Do you get along with your Parents:	yeah, they are radical...totally tubular
Do you like Thunderstorms:	YES!
Do you play an Instrument:	yes...my body is a beautiful instrument
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	no, I drunk it.
In the past month have you Smoked:	yes, I got desperate and smoked sticks from the rosemary tree out back.
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	yes (tick) but I really think they are helping (tick tick)
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	You could call it that. Yes.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	Yes. I live with Nikki now. It's inevitable.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	omg no! but now I want to! jeez, thanks you stupid quiz.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	yes! mmmmmm
In the past month have you been on Stage:	does pole humpin count?
In the past month have you been Dumped:	about 8000 times
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	no, its only the beginning of may...the community pool isnt open yet.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	I almost did, but I put it back. I'm almost 30. That's ridiculous.
Ever been Drunk:	Yes, I like for people to drink me from a champagne flute though.
Ever been called a Tease:	hahahahahahahahaha! Um, no.
Ever been Beaten up:	yes
Ever Shoplifted:	yes
How do you want to Die:	Having sex or masterbating (if its having sex, I want him to die too so its not so traumatic for him) ;)
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	I'll let you know when I get a little closer, but street walking comedian is really up there.
What country would you most like to Visit:	Oh, Canada! j/k I's pick France or Italy (cheese, bread n wine baby!)
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	depends on the dude...but blue/green :)
Favourite Hair Color:	brown
Short or Long Hair:	short, but not too short! ugh...hate that!
Height:	6 ft +
Weight:	To discriminate here would be the pot calling the kettle black. Let's just say more than 95 lbs. would be preferable, unless he's under 10 years old, b/c thats just hot.
Best Clothing Style:	non-gay but nice, clean, no holes...its all I can really ask for.
Number of Drugs I have taken:	at one time?
Number of CDs I own:	dunno...one day when I clean out my car, I'll count em.
Number of Piercings:	1-2
Number of Tattoos:	20...all of my my name.
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	I regret nothing! My f*ck ups will lead me to the promise land!
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Ok party people...I better get going. My coworker from Curves just called to see if I quit. Nice. I think I'm getting fired tomorrow for not showing up on Monday. Either that or they are gonna stick me over at Brooklyn. Bee-EWE-tiful. Beddur get ma bullet prewf jackit out hon!

Songs of the Day:
Getting To Know You - from The King & I
Should I Stay or Should I Go - The Clash
Play With Fire - The Rolling Stones

I shoulda asked an eight year old...

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
Alan, age 10 - You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.

Kirsten, age 10 - No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Ricky, age 6 - Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Freddie, age 6 - No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
Derrick, age 8 - You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Lori, age 8 - Both don't want any more kids.

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Martin, age 10 - On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
Craig, age 9 - I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
Howard, age 8 - The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
Anita, age 9 - It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
Kelvin, age 8 - There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?

You bet Kelvin.

Check out this link party people. Bring back any memories?

http://www.bumwine.com

Have a fine weekend and see ya at the lanes (some of ya). Nobody f*cks with thelauralee.