...could easily replace me in all my endeavors, but you be the judge...
Monday, May 15, 2006
Moody Bitch Reporting...
I've been in such a foul mood lately. Either bitchy or quiet or exhausted or depressed...overall I have short patience (not patients...I am not a midget doctor). I just remembered the other day that when I did my Senior blurb in high-school (you know that thing that went underneath your picture where you put a lot of initials and abbreviations that 10 years later you have no idea what they stand for?) under my OWD (one word description) was the word: MOODY. My God, I was 17 years old! How sad is it that it's still SO true?

I just feel short tempered and I tend to get that self-righteous, "I'm tired of being taken advantage of", mad at the world thing going on. I hate people like that so I must try to avoid this at all costs. It's my job, for the most part. I know it. It's a real drag lately, and not because I'm bored. I dunno, I never want to get too far into it because it just upsets me. So when anyone asks how I am doing or how my job is, I just say, "Fine. Busy. Really busy. Stressful. But good, thanks." Really though? It's atrocious. I don't talk about it as much as I could because 1) I don't want to spend ANYMORE of my free time stressing over work. I give up enough as it is. 2) Talking about it makes me feel very negative because it is, and because of the stress and "who's on first?" way that business is handled in my office. 3) Anyone who is being kind enough to spend time with me after I've neglected all my friends and family and personal relationships in order to selfishly go through a total life shift that may very well just have landed me in a more hellacious job than I was in before...well, I don't want to run you kind souls off. :)

It would take a century to tell you all the things that are wrong and that stress me out about work. It's boring, and like I said...poisonously negative. Here's the bottomline: No one really likes their job. Every office has neurotic, overbearing coworkers, back-stabbers, liars, lazy asses, closet freak-shows, miscommunication and people who were actually trained to work inefficiently so they can be in control of every thing when really they are in control of nothing and are a treacherous bottleneck for the entire staff. I am and always have been foolish to think that I should love my job. I thought if I worked hard and studied hard and stayed creative and didn't sell out in a corporate sales position (even when it was hard as hell to find a marketing job), that I would love my job. Well maybe not. Do you know I'm actually afraid to pursue my dream, to be a writer, because I'm afraid I will find out that its WORK that I don't like and once I make my hobby my work, I will kill that dream too? (Also, do you buy that excuse for why I'm not a published writer yet???) ;)

So anyway, it's my job, and it's me. I feel like crap physically. I'm so out of shape. Well I'm in a shape, its a ROUND shape. I was never a thin athlete but I certainly felt better than I do right now. I feel like a ugly cow. I was looking at some of my old pictures and stuff and this time last year (or early last year) I was looking nice and feeling good. I was by NO MEANS thin or perfect, and I will be honest, although as a woman, I may never truly be content with my looks, I really did feel beautiful. I felt like I was nearing 30 and had turned a corner with my self confidence. I was finding peace between my inner and outer beauty that made me confident and, to put it bluntly, very appealing. Not that I'm tryna score some D...I actually get plenty of it and I'm pleased with the one I got. ;) (Yeah...still a ho). It's just...I dunno. I hate my reflection, I'm insecure where I wouldn't have been before and well, I fall asleep ALL the time now. Right after I eat. I eat too late (in part because of the pattern of stress and late arrivals home that I've gotten into because of my job) and when you have to make quick choices, they aren't always the best choices. I don't go to Curves anymore and I used to go EVERYDAY! I've yet to make this schedule work. I think I can keep a set schedule and then I get to work and crisis erupts and I end up blogging at 2pm when I should be taking care of the enormous crisis that has just ensued, as it always does on days when I want to maintain a schedule! I'm only doing it to escape for a little while.

So today I was going through some old pictures for motivation and I found some that were even older than THAT! :) And speaking of motivation, this is not a new concept for me (motivating myself to get in shape). I don't know if any of you have seen this before, but like 5 years ago I had a picture of Christy Turlington from Shape magazine (back when I used to love reading about eating and working out properly) on my refrigerator with my head on her body (a la Bridget Jones). Its purpose was to inspire me to STEP AWAY FROM THE FRIDGE! Next to it was a sign that said, "Nothing in here is going to fill the void. Don't bother looking." Well I did end up scanning it before it was tattered to pieces in one of the 4000 moves I made from 1999-2005, and I've just found it. It's funny (tick tick). It's before I learned how to do weird things in Photoshop, so it's literally a cut out pasted on a cut out. And here is Laura Turlington:



Niiiiiiiiiice, huh? Well that's not all I got...let's see who I can take down with me... hmmmm. Well here are some pics I found that make me feel happy (hey help me out here, I'm trying to get out of a "mood"). Some you've seen before...some not. :)


Awwww! Lindsay and Laura! Drinking Beast!


Whoa! Blast from the past! :)


I assure you, this monkey has a bell on her tail!


Two beauties before a night of drunken debauchery in New Orleans.


Me n' an insane Canadian I met in New Orleans. Jk, that's my friend Sean (who also happens to be an insane Canadian)


SEX-EEEE! Lindsay in front of the Hustler Club in N.O. looking for work. ;)


One of our winter trips to NYC. I miss that!


awww. ;) Oh stop making puke noises. I'm in luhv.


Who wouldn't smile at this?


That is my foot compared to Lindsay's. Guess which one is mine. We had a good laugh over this. No, I am not an illegal alien.


With Nikki at the Ramshead having beers and crabdip. Goodtimes.


A simple concept. This is proof that sometimes you've just got to put it in your mouth to see if it tastes good. (Dont go there perverts, that's my baby sister).

Aba-dee! Aba-dee! That's all folks! Smell ya later.


2 Comments:

Blogger Lindsay said...

Oh my god, those pics are hilarious...how the hell could my face be that fat though? I'm apauled at those pics, even though they make me smile at the memories!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Laura..... where are you..... I miss you.... please write a blog so that I know everything is okay.
-Michele

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