Yes, that's right. A test that would allow you to earn credit for past dating experience so you could pick up a new relationship where the old one left off. (Piece-a-cake!)
There's nothing worse than almost marrying someone (or even marrying them), breaking it off, and having to start all over with a blind date. It's like failing your senior year of high school and having to go back to kindergarten. And now, thanks to the media blitzes, we know that single women don't have the time, patience, or eggs for that kind of setback.
I was happy to read that, despite all the hoopla (and there was significant hoopla, including the cover of Time magazine), Sylvia Ann Hewlett's book about the "epidemic of childlessness" is not selling. I love that it's not selling. I feel that by not buying this book (Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children), thousands of fabulous, single, thirty-something, career-minded, childless-but-hopeful women like myself essentially covered our ears and said, "I can't hear you la la la."
The thing is, telling women--especially single women--that they need to hurry up and have children is like telling an elderly woman with a walker that she needs to get across the street faster. She wants to get across the street. She's trying to get across the street. Yelling that the light is changing and cars are coming will not help her get across the street.
One thing that would help us get across the street is shortening the time we spend in less-than-stellar-relationships. And one reason these relationships can take years is that we've always had to start over from scratch. And although this can be quite fun, after the umpteenth time it's exhausting already! But no more, because I have devised the time - and egg saving Relationship Equivalency Exam! This exam is completely unscientific, but until someone comes up with a better one, this is the standard. :)
You and only you can determine whether your date's answers merit relationship credit, allowing him/her to place out of that particular relationship stage (brilliant!) This exam should be administered over drinks, because if all goes well, you might be moving in rather than going to dinner. Annnnnnd go...
RELATIONSHIP EQUIVALENCY EXAM FOR MEN
1) English: What does it mean when you say, "I'll call you"?
2) Math: How many women can you have sex with and still be monogamous?
3) Psychology: Other than abject fear, what are some possible reactions to the words, "I love you"?
4) Economics: Who pays for dinner if your date makes more that you, and how long before you resent her for it?
5) Physics: Find a way to arrange your bathroom items on your half of the sink, knowing full well your girlfriend needs the whole sink for her items.
RELATIONSHIP EQUIVALENCY EXAM FOR WOMEN
1) English: When you say, "I'm not in a rush to get married," define the word "rush".
2) Math: Is the amount of minutes it takes you to evaluate a date as a potential husband more than or equal to the amount of time it takes you to identify and ignore the red flags?
3) Psychology: Other than abject fear, what are some possible reactions to the words, "I need space"?
4) Economics: How much should you pay for an apartment you never visit in order to keep a boyfriend from freaking out that you live in his?
5) Physics: Find a way to arrange your bathroom items on your half of the sink while still maintaining the illusion that you wake up looking this good.
Pencils down. Break up or marry accordingly. ;)
(I urge all of you single or newly single or not-so-single women to check out a good read: The Between Boyfriends Book by Cindy Chupack)
Now one comment on my extended absence and then we'll move on to me blogging more, and you forgiving me and us forgetting this ever happened. :) I'm soooooo sorry bloggies that I dropped off the face of the earth. My job is basically kicking my ass and I've lacked the time or drive to do much else (besides Dave of course...we must make time!) Though, I hope you will find it in your hearts to forgive and still visit thelauralee from time to time and I in-turn will make a full-fledged effort to blog daily...ummmm, or weekly! Let's start with weekly and see how that goes, si?
So, to answer your pleas and address your admonishments, I will say that ALTHOUGH I've been busier that a blind long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs (or better yet, a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest), I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack! :)
Now, this is where you comment...
Love,
thelauralee
ps: Happy 2nd birthday to my lil sweeties this weekend! May, Elmo teach you to use the potty and may Princess Ariel's creepy song not haunt your dreams until you turn three.
There's nothing worse than almost marrying someone (or even marrying them), breaking it off, and having to start all over with a blind date. It's like failing your senior year of high school and having to go back to kindergarten. And now, thanks to the media blitzes, we know that single women don't have the time, patience, or eggs for that kind of setback.
I was happy to read that, despite all the hoopla (and there was significant hoopla, including the cover of Time magazine), Sylvia Ann Hewlett's book about the "epidemic of childlessness" is not selling. I love that it's not selling. I feel that by not buying this book (Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children), thousands of fabulous, single, thirty-something, career-minded, childless-but-hopeful women like myself essentially covered our ears and said, "I can't hear you la la la."
The thing is, telling women--especially single women--that they need to hurry up and have children is like telling an elderly woman with a walker that she needs to get across the street faster. She wants to get across the street. She's trying to get across the street. Yelling that the light is changing and cars are coming will not help her get across the street.
One thing that would help us get across the street is shortening the time we spend in less-than-stellar-relationships. And one reason these relationships can take years is that we've always had to start over from scratch. And although this can be quite fun, after the umpteenth time it's exhausting already! But no more, because I have devised the time - and egg saving Relationship Equivalency Exam! This exam is completely unscientific, but until someone comes up with a better one, this is the standard. :)
You and only you can determine whether your date's answers merit relationship credit, allowing him/her to place out of that particular relationship stage (brilliant!) This exam should be administered over drinks, because if all goes well, you might be moving in rather than going to dinner. Annnnnnd go...
RELATIONSHIP EQUIVALENCY EXAM FOR MEN
1) English: What does it mean when you say, "I'll call you"?
2) Math: How many women can you have sex with and still be monogamous?
3) Psychology: Other than abject fear, what are some possible reactions to the words, "I love you"?
4) Economics: Who pays for dinner if your date makes more that you, and how long before you resent her for it?
5) Physics: Find a way to arrange your bathroom items on your half of the sink, knowing full well your girlfriend needs the whole sink for her items.
RELATIONSHIP EQUIVALENCY EXAM FOR WOMEN
1) English: When you say, "I'm not in a rush to get married," define the word "rush".
2) Math: Is the amount of minutes it takes you to evaluate a date as a potential husband more than or equal to the amount of time it takes you to identify and ignore the red flags?
3) Psychology: Other than abject fear, what are some possible reactions to the words, "I need space"?
4) Economics: How much should you pay for an apartment you never visit in order to keep a boyfriend from freaking out that you live in his?
5) Physics: Find a way to arrange your bathroom items on your half of the sink while still maintaining the illusion that you wake up looking this good.
Pencils down. Break up or marry accordingly. ;)
(I urge all of you single or newly single or not-so-single women to check out a good read: The Between Boyfriends Book by Cindy Chupack)
Now one comment on my extended absence and then we'll move on to me blogging more, and you forgiving me and us forgetting this ever happened. :) I'm soooooo sorry bloggies that I dropped off the face of the earth. My job is basically kicking my ass and I've lacked the time or drive to do much else (besides Dave of course...we must make time!) Though, I hope you will find it in your hearts to forgive and still visit thelauralee from time to time and I in-turn will make a full-fledged effort to blog daily...ummmm, or weekly! Let's start with weekly and see how that goes, si?
So, to answer your pleas and address your admonishments, I will say that ALTHOUGH I've been busier that a blind long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs (or better yet, a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest), I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack! :)
Now, this is where you comment...
Love,
thelauralee
ps: Happy 2nd birthday to my lil sweeties this weekend! May, Elmo teach you to use the potty and may Princess Ariel's creepy song not haunt your dreams until you turn three.
5 Comments:
lol the Relationship Equivalency Exam had me in splits...i don't honestly know if I would have passed it in certain phases of my life... nice blog!!
sweetie! soooo glad you're back. in addition to never seeing that happiness is a warm gun thing again, i loved actually reading something you wrote! and omg was it hilarious yet so true! sadly...
i think thomas and i both pass...? lol.
haha, that was great, you are back and better than ever! Your quiz hit home pretty hard...not sure if Tim and I would pass that...but you hit the nail on the head!
1. At some point in the undefined future (not necessarily during our lifetimes) I will make some sort of verbal emination that is intended for you to hear. I can't promise it will be in range for you to hear it though.
2. As long as you aren't having sex with more than one woman at a time, that's monogamy, right?
(any women who are the result of a multiple birth count as one i.e. twins, triplets.) (even if they aren't from the SAME multiple birth).
3. Anger. Because that phrase should always be complete. "I love you, here's your sandwich."
4. If, in some fantasy world of chocolate and rainbows, a woman could make more money than a man, then I would say the woman should pay for his dinner as well as any payments for his truck and/or student loans.
5.Done, Now you find a way to USE all of that stuff on the sink after its covered in hair from my shaving.
Did I pass?
Should we set a date?
Dave
Ohh...now that's my baby!
I think I can safely say Dave, that you're the kind of guy we as women have been searching for our whole lives and it was ME who was able to plucketh you from the rose garden of sensitivity and romance. Mmmmmm...I feel so lucky.
I love you, here's your knuckle sandwich.
Wisenheimer.
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