...could easily replace me in all my endeavors, but you be the judge...
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Air, SHMAIR!
This is my yearly "David Blaine" posting. What the hell is this guy doing now?


Check it out; Bubble-Boy Blaine lived in a glass sphere of water for a week and then tried to hold his breath for 9 minutes. This is not magic. The world record is 8 minutes 58 seconds and he went for 9. Did I mention, this is not magic?

Just a few random thoughts (like 25 of 'em) that I jotted down while I was watching:
1) I couldn't do this, so everything I'm about to say doesn't really mean jack because, what have I ever done in my live?
2) What is the purpose of this? I mean given, I am entertained. I am enthralled . I'm even blogging whilst I watch this TWO HOUR SPECIAL for a 9 minute performance. But really...what?
3) Ok, he's doing it. He looks like he's in pain and its only been 6 minutes.
4) Why is he CHAINED on top of everything?
5) He is shaking violently. How cool is this?
6) ABC is experiencing technical difficulties NOW. I love it.
7) His lips are blue now. Eww, I don't think that's normal.
8) He didn't make it. He made it only 7 minutes. He's a little upset.
9) I feel really bad for him right now.
10) What an idiot! Who does this and WHY? He could be brain-damaged! Retarded people don't do advanced magic. Ask Neville Longbottom!
11) Who was this guy talking him through it? He's annoying. I bet that's why Blaine couldn't pull it off. He had to come to the surface to tell this guy to shut the *&^% up.
12) How embarrassing...man, the divers had to come in and get him...now he is live on the air, convulsing and breathing into a bag. All this Navy Seal training just to fail to do the 'impossible' in front of the entire nation. AND he lost 50 lbs to do this! I bet he's going to binge eat tomorrow.

13) There are a lot of hot single girls at this thing chanting his name. I am starting to see why this might have been an ok idea.
14) Why the hell did he live in this bubble tank for 177 hours before THIS stunt? He was already like an inch from death! And how did that 1 week work with um, bodily functions? I'm referring of course to masterbation. Who goes that long without doing it?
15) Oh, whoops. I answered my own question.
Article. Still...WTF?
16) He is STILL blue.
17) He's talking to the crowd now and his first words are that he's humbled by the support of NYC and he's crying on air. Oh man he's really upset...aww man I feel so bad for him. How touching.
18) What an IDIOT!
19) Now they are saying that he did spend more time underwater than any human being ever this week. Good job.
20) He's got terrible pain in his feet and legs, yet he insists on walking down the ladder. MEN! I don't get it. Doctors said that after being in that tank all week, there really is no way he would be able to stand or walk. He was chained and handcuffed at 8 different parts of his body. Ya know, its a shame he wasn't able to turn all that testosterone into OXYGEN. Plan B, eat some gillyweed and grow some gills like Harry Potter.
21) This is the best part of the show, checking for medical signs and everything seeing if his fingers are numb and if his fingernails are blue and they are showing his hands and the worst case of pruney fingers I have EVER seen, and ABC is ending the show with closing music. ABC sucks! A 2 hour show and then jipped? What-EVER.
22) His skin is sluffing! I'm going to throw up. People are not supposed to live in water! Did he not get this memo?
23) Any of you who've ever read Angels & Demons by Dan Brown (YES, I'm still sweating Dan Brown, sorry) have to remember that part where the Cardinal is chained inside in the fountain and you're reading the book from his perspective as he drowns. How chilling is that? The part that struck me most was how his body started to convulse from lack of air right before he drowned to death. I believe that is what I've just witnessed tonight. Oh but his chest wasn't branded with an anagram, so nevermind. ;)
24) I officially liked it better when he was messing with the natives. See former lauralee blog titled:
Try, try, try to understand...he's a Magic Man, mama! to see what I'm talking about here.

25) He's blue...he's sluffing...and yet, he's still kind of cute. I think I'm just a sucker for those frighteningly weird guys who would do anything for attention. Ahhhhh. But not Nikki...she's still a pickle-phobe!

Ok...see ya, wouldn't wanna be ya (especially if you're David Blaine).



5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

first of all, please take back that David Blaine is attractive or else I'll have to talk about how hot cross-eyed girls are and you don't want that.
Second, I can top that magic trick. Listen to this shit! I have a nephew named Jordan. He will be one in August. Up until this past August he spent NINE MONTHS SUBMERGED IN LIQUID!!!!!! BREATHING AND EATING THROUGH A TUBE!!!!!! THE SAME TUBE!!!!! AND IT WENT INTO HIS BELLY BUTTON!!!!!! And if that isn't amazing enough, he did the whole thing INSIDE ANOTHER PERSON!!!!!!!!

NOW THAT'S MAGIC!!!!!!!

He hasn't walked or talked since the ordeal ended but he's starting to come around.

Blogger Laura Lee said...

Ok, PLEASE DONT! David Blaine is an ugly phoney pig. Well he's not a phoney pig, he's a phoney magician who is also a pig. Maybe I should have punctuated that properly.

David Blaine is a phoney, pig.

haha, very funny about your nephew. Your people are advanced indeed. ;) Especially your WIT. You have a big wit.

Blogger TD said...

I just needed to say that I have read too much Harry Potter. I laughed at your Neville Longbottom crack. Good to have you back LL.

Blogger Nikki W*j*hn said...

ahhhHHH!!!! IT'S A PICKLE!

Blogger heather said...

okay i've totally been slacking on reading, but OMFG that was hilarious! hahahahah. i didnt walk my ass over there to see the idiot doing that STUNT (yes, it's not magic...magic would be when david copperfield recently avoided getting mugged by doing magic to make the muggers think his pockets were empty when really he had a lot of shit in them! the woman he was with wasnt a magician however and got her shit stolen...dumb girl) because really, WHY? that would just encourage the boy who is short of bain cells and clearly didnt get enough attention growing up. that's why when he's "normal" and you see him talking on tv he's got that weird slow, deep, sort of "i'm trying to be cryptique but really i'm just coming off as mentally slow" thing going on...

anyway, thanks for that. love ya. will read the rest now. muwah.

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