Try, try try to understand...he's a Magic Man, mama!

WARNING: contains offensive material. Go back to knitting...

Before I get to posting my blog that was intended for yesterday but...let's just say it needed tweaking a bit as to not fully offend some of my constituents as a very kindred soul assured me it would, let me share with you a blogworthy laugh from last night. Maybe you had to be there...but if you know all the players, maybe it will give you a magical giggle (that sounds fun doesnt it?)

Last night, when I finally got home, Nikki was fiddling around with her new cell phone, downloading rings and what not. I've since learned that my ring on her phone is "Shut Your F*cking Face Uncle F*cka" from the South Park Movie. There are no words, so it won't be offending random people in the Senate unfortunately, but nonetheless, I am pleased. :) I'm pasting some of the lyrics here yet AGAIN but it's in and effort to foreshadow. That's what we literary geniuses call "giving clues" that prove to be fairly significant later:

Terrance: Shut your fucking face uncle fucka! You're a cock sucking ass licking uncle fucka!You're an uncle fucka, yes its true, nobody fucks uncles quite like you!
Phillip: Shut your fucking face uncle fucka! You're the one that fucked your uncle, uncle fucka! You dont eat or sleep or mow the lawn, you just fuck your uncle all day long(fart noises)
Terrance: Hmm!(fart noises)(laughing)(fart)
Dudley Dooright guy: What's going on here?(fart noises)
People: OoooooooooooooooooooooohFucker fucker uncle fucka fucka fucka fucka fucka!
T & P: Shut your fucking face uncle fucka (Terrance: uncle fucka)
Terrance: You're a boner biting bastard uncle fucka!
Phillip: You're an uncle fucka I must say,
Terrance: Well you fucked your uncle yesterday!
Everyone: (laughing)
People: Uncle fucka... thats...
Everyone: U-N-C-L-E fuck you UncleFuckaaaaaaaaaaaaa tonight...
Phillip: ...Suck my balls!

The second runner up ring was this weird verbal/speaking ring that says: 'Yo yo bee-atch is on the phone!' It's like a slow "I've been drinking bathtub gin", Miss Hannigan type voice. I liked the idea of being represented by a drunk old spinster...it's not altogether something I would rule out as my future.

SO...after that little phone treat and lots of chain smoking (quote Nikki: It was that kind of day huh?) Nik was beckoning thelauralee to exit the kitchen and come and watch David Blaine freak people out on TV, specifically, tribal villages in South America who still shoot poison darts a la Ace Ventura 2. As if these people didn't have enough issues with starvation, cultural habits based on blackmagic, no bras, issues with sticking weird things in their mouth and ears, and poverty...now they had to deal with David Blaine.

So we sat there and watched as David Blaine terrify all the natives to the point of near tears as he laughed at them and kept saying in that weird deep Tony Robbins-esque voice, "no no...it's not what you think...it's not witch magic". They are saying in some crazy bushman language, "you in myhead? you in my head?" He's trying to explain to them before he gets speared, no...it's just magic. This he says after pretending to stick a blade all the way through his hand and make the blood come out of the childs hand who was watching. ok? He's a freak show but seriously amazing.

So I naturally start the "Would you sleep with...?" game that Nikki and I like to play when watching TV and movies. I say, "Would you sleep with David Blaine?" She answers quickly, "NO!" I am intrigued by this because just a few weeks ago when we were playing this game in the Ikea parking lot, she said she would sleep with Jack Black in a heart beat. hmmmm.....I had to know what would make David Blaine an absolute NO when Jack Black made the final cut! I knew it was fear but I wanted to hear her explain why. ;)

As I expected it was freaking hilarious. She's finally says (with lots of charade type behavior while talking) "NO! Because I don't want to be having sex with him and then Wooooooooooop (moving hands all around magically) Poof! It's Gretchen! (her sister) or poof! It's a dog! Or like bleeeeep! (magic signals) it's a pickle!" See, now that's just subjective. I love pickles. She basically goes on and on about all the terrible things David Blaine would do to her during sex and we even discussed the possibility of him coming right out of our TV screen which she said would freak her out. Ya think???? So finally she ends this diatribe with, "Plus, who would want to sleep with someone who lived in a glass box above the Thames River for like 48 days anyway...that's just weird!" Hey, I've slept with weirder guys, but I did agree. What was the purpose of that? So I say to her, "Yeah...that was really weird of him, I don't get it. I mean he didn't eat...or sleep..." and without missing a beat...she looks at me and says, "or mow the lawn."

;)

In the end...I might sleep with David Blaine just to spite Nikki. Then...if I were lucky...he'd turn himself into Nikki. ;) Love ya babe.

Songs:
Magic Man - Heart
SYFFUF - Terrance & Phillip (hey, blame Canadian)