Happiness is a warm gun

bang, bang, shoot, shoot.

Right you are Fab 4, right you are. Anyone else out there in a "White Album" kind of mood as well? By that I of course mean insane, political, apathetic, symphonic, in love, depressed, satirical, resentful, violent and maybe somewhat communist?

Maybe its all too simple for our brains to figure out...

But, what if the Hokey Pokey really IS what its all about?

Im starting to think it might be. You?

Why don't you...

Bon Appetit.

I know...so mature.

Heeeeeeeee's baaaaaack!

After a 6 month hiatus, my brother is back to blogging and is in full force indeed! Without further explanation, check it out here. Chris's very angry but funny blog.

Whew! I'munna tell youz...when a Lee gotta express...a Lee gotta express. Way ta handle yer bidness brutha ;) Publically of course.

Chrissy (since I know you love it when I call you that), I wish you the very best of luck and I'm here to chat with you and go on long meaningless rants about how mcuh other people suck at your LEZ-iure. Anytime. (Hell, I was ready for that anyway!)

I love you and you're a very special boy. Just don't forget you're loveable, funny, smart, supportive, generous, compassionate and you own every DVD under the sun including every season of the Simpsons and the Family Guy. Who wouldn't want to date you? I bet Dave would! ;) haha

Ok everyone...brace yourself for some hard-nosed comedy. Be sure to leave him a comment. God knows he cares what you think. Yeaaaaaaah. ;)

XXXtra Virgin

So the Catholic Church is in the news again. Stunning isn't it?

Today is Friday the 13th (which I will skip right over since it's silly) and I arrive this morning late as usual after having stood and watched a huge fire on 23rd and L like nosy Aunt Petunia. Everything was "under control" so I felt it would be ok for me to "move along", because there was "nothing to see here". Supposedly. ;) So I get in and check the old email and I've got and email from one of my favorite news stations, WTOP. So I go on to look at all the issues online and this fire seems to have screwed up traffic in a huge radius stretching all the way through midtown. Then...I get to the nitty gritty of why I like this site. Under NEWS there is a category called "SERIOUSLY?" and its a bunch of weird little stories, all of which I love and here's the ringer for today:

Catholic Magazine Apologizes Over Ad
NEW YORK (AP) - A Jesuit magazine has apologized after inadvertently publishing an advertisement for a Virgin Mary statue wrapped in a condom that an artist intended as a protest against the church's opposition to condom use.

The Rev. Drew Christiansen, editor-in-chief of America, said in a note to readers that the condom was not visible in the black and white proofs that were used to review the final draft of the Dec. 5 issue, which appeared with color photos.

"We are returning payment for the ad and protesting the abuse to the artist," Christiansen wrote to subscribers.

The headline for the ad read, "Unique Contemporary Religious Art Work for Sale." In the text, the statue was called "Extra Virgin," and was described as "a stunning 22 cm high statue of the Virgin Mary standing atop a serpent wearing a delicate veil of latex."

The statue was made by Steve Rosenthal, who said he was an artist in London. Rosenthal released a statement Thursday saying he placed the ad as a protest for World AIDS Day against Vatican opposition to the use of condoms to stem the spread of the disease. World AIDS Day is Dec. 1.

"I at no time tried to dupe or deceive `America' magazine," Rosenthal said. "The description of the work was clear by both the text included and image provided."
The Rev. Jim Martin, associate editor, called the ad "a deliberate attempt to embarrass us and denigrate Mary."

"The word condom is not in the ad," Martin said Thursday. "The word `latex' for a celibate priest does not register as it might with lay people."

Christiansen said America was changing how it reviewed ads in response to the mistake. Martin said the magazine, which has a circulation of about 46,000, received a few dozen complaints from readers.

America previously had been the target of criticism from church officials.
The Vatican's doctrinal watchdog, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, pressed Jesuit leaders to remove the previous editor, the Rev. Thomas Reese, after the magazine published articles by scholars who took issue with Catholic teaching, according to sources in the religious order. Reese resigned in May.

Niiiiiiiiice. Gotta love a flub-bub like that one. So yes, I like this section of WTOPnews.com indeed. Coming in at a very close second however was the story of the 19-year-old PETA staffer who has legally changed his name to KentuckyFriedCruelty.com. Check it out.

Mr. Garnett, er, I mean Mr. KentuckyFriedCruelty.com said in a statement, "People don't believe me at first when I tell them my name, but it never fails to spark a discussion."

REALLY? No way.

Also, It's not an 'accurate' article until you've quoted Pamela Anderson: "I'm sure Chris can't wait 'till KFC stops torturing chickens so he can change his name back," the actress said in a statement, adding that the chicken abuse "is awful and has to stop."

Yeah man! What she said! ;) I personally think that it would be a fitting lesson if he was not permitted to change it back...ever. Now...I'm off to go abuse some chicken (on a roll).

Muggles amuse me.

This morning I get a voicemail from my sister that shes spotted a bumper sticker that said: "Voldemort for President". She was delighted to "get" the humor in that. You dont have to be a wizard or a witch to get the humor in that one. So I go to a particularly favorite website of mine and turns out there are a ton of bumper stickers and t-shirts, mugs, etc. with witty HP comments...some very "inside".

Check it out yourself at Cafe Press but here are a few of my favorites:

Welcome to 2006! It's a lot like 2005, but you're older and uglier!

just kiddin...you look mah-vel-lush!

Happy New Year bloggies! I hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday season and that everyone is well. Well actually, I know you aren't well. In fact I don't think I know one well person right now; Everyone is sick! I was myself for two weeks but now I'm only having coughing fits that escalate to gags about twice a day rather than every 5 minutes...so things are looking up. ;) So get better people! People don't like you when you're sick. Seriously...do you like sick people?

I thought I would pop on and say hello and post some pictures of the girls at the holidays. They have gotten so big that being around them is exhilarating and fun, yet I cant help but feel a little secret anxiety that there are two of them, they are smart and they are Lee's...they could stage a revolt at any moment and I would be left defenseless. I'm only one Lee! And not very intelligent... so I hope they can't sense my fear. I think I'm safe though. I get the impression they love me n stuff since pretty much every time someone calls them on their little toy phone, it ends up being for MOI and they have no problems transferring the call to me and putting the phone to my ear. That's service!

Anyway, Erin got them the cutest Christmas gift this year. It was an electronic keyboard and microphone, along with a percussion set. They figured it out in just a few minutes of having opened it. See? I'm telling you...they are like circus folk or aliens the way they work together and have secret powers and means of communication.

SO...without further rambling...I present...the littlest Lee's:

I'm FIFTY years old and I can kick and bend and KICK! 50!

Its been a while so I have to post SOMETHING..keep the flame burnin! This made me giggle. Men...even old ones...such rascals! ;)

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.

Before leaving, she says to the Clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," is the reply.
"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, "I guess about 29."
The woman replies, "Nope I'm 50."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.
The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."
Again she proudly responds, "I am 50, but thank you."

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast...He gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am I?"
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, "Madam, you are 50."
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "that was incredible, how you could tell?'
The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"
"I promise I won't."she says.

"I was behind you in line at McDonald's."