Sometimes my job is silly...

I am missing you all, this is for sure. I am really missing being able to talk to you all hours of the day and blog my brains out. Now, I feel like I'm gambling with valuable minutes on the internet just to get this lil baby bloglet out. My duties are plentiful in my new job, but I had to do something interesting today, in the midst of my 4 zillion other time sensitive tasks, and that was, purchase this:

It's an orb. But you might have guessed that already. It's an ambient orb that somehow magically connects to the financial cosmos, senses the "mood" of the stock market and then glows accordingly. Oh and it also will give you the time, weather, traffic, your children's whereabouts and a tall skinny double mocha latte if you program it properly. Ok just kidding on that last part. Here, let me enlighten you...

"Decorative, yet practical, the Stock Orb is a beautiful glass lamp that glows different colors to indicate real-time changes in financial markets. It is continually updated to provide a calm, constant view of the health of the markets, weather forecasts, traffic and more. Just plug the orb into any standard power outlet and your Orb is up and running on a nationwide wireless network - no internet connection required.

The Orb will arrive automatically set to track the Dow Jones Industrial Average, glowing more green or red to indicate market movement up or down, or yellow when the market is calm. It can be customized to a set of free channels, such as market indices or weather in major cities. Optionally, you can upgrade to access more premium channels, such as your customized portfolio.

The Ambient Orb may look like a crystal ball on acid, but it's really more of a giant mood ring--plugged straight into the fluctuations of the stock market or anything else you care to track. The orb can be wirelessly configured to track any individual stock, any market index or your personal portfolio. "People want information, but they don't want to invest a lot of time in getting it," says Ambient president David Rose. "This makes getting information a 'glanceable' thing."" Click here for literature on THE ORB.

Ok, so now were pretty up to speed on "the orb", so it's time for my thoughts: What the hell is this thing? And what kind of brokers-dealers make "glanceable" investments? "Yes, one moment Mr. Trump, while I look into my crystal orb to see whether or not we should sell those shares of Tyco." You don't have to have an orb to know the answer to that one.

Before I bash the thing, let me admit that I found it when I was looking for random trade show giveaways for our booths in 3 upcoming shows. Yes...I have to purchase these. Three of them. I saw it and thought, "Hmm now that's different. We could plug that in at the booth and people could come over to register to win it, and see it changing colors...should the mood of the stock market shift... mid convention." Afterall...these are all broker-dealers and investors, so the audience is at least somewhat appropriate, right? If it were like an "Investing Tycoon Gypsies" conference we'd be all set.

Since I presented this idea to my team I've had to answer the following questions:

-But how does it KNOW? It's like...well how does it know what the stock market is doing?

-Does the info come trough the electrical cord?

-Can we get our name engraved on that?

I DON'T KNOW!?! But Now I have to find out. Silly.

So anyway, I better take off now party people, because I have some orb shopping to do immediately. This is official business folks, and I can't have you squandering my precious resources and time. ;) Hope you are all well! Miss you! I will have to look into getting an orb that tells me how all of you are doing!

Fly me to the moon...

Yes Im still going to blog. No it's not going to be as often. Before I would actually blog like 2-3 times per DAY you guys and now, it's just once in a blue moon. The theme of this blog is "the moon" and things that are related to, from, or about the moon. Oh and my new job ;)

Let's just cut to the chase and discuss "Lunatics". The word "lunatic" come from 13th century Latin word, "lunaticus", meaning, "moonstruck" ( in Latin, luna means "moon"). When I was little I used to think that a lunatic was: (other than my father, as my mother so affectionately called him a "raving" one) a tick from the moon. Tick as in blood sucking bugs that attach themselves to people and animals and then give us all lime disease. I basically thought that people were just running the words together. Of course, I was a lunatic, so it doesn't mean much what I thought then (or maybe even now!) ;)

HOLY MOLEY! I interrupt this blog to bring you this news bulletin! I just got my first pay check and its enormous! hahahaha IM INSANE RIGHT NOW WITH BLISS!!!!! HOLY CANOLI! Ok, on that note I would like to add that this is good timing because I don't have a red flipping cent to my name right now which is very sad indeed because someone regretfully did not inform Capital One, Honda Financial and my landlord of this issue and they still are expecting money. BGE has just stopped trying. "We gonna shut da lights off beeyatch!" was the last voice mail I got from them...I subsequently made a payment that evening over the phone. Ahhh...power. I like it.

Ok...back on topic...a lunatic is: an irresponsible person, or someone who is considered wildly reckless AND/OR an offensive term for someone who has a psychiatric disorder. When I looked this word up on the MSN Encarta Dictionary it gave me a language advisory! What the hell is that? Is put in place so that we don't offend lunatics? Wow. That's really very considerate of them. I suppose you don't WANT to offend a lunatic, them being loose cannons and all, which transitions me to my point. Public transportation is a breeding ground for lunatics. There's always one lunatic in just about every situation I've been in involving PT so far, and this includes the MARC train. Sleeping people are my favorite. Hopefully they will stay that way. Insane people seem to like the Metro. The homeless and insane as well. Im not going to bash on homeless people, because that's just ridiculous and wrong, but I am going to bash on those who yell very openly at these locations. Most of the time, at me or to themselves. I think they can sense their own ;)

So far I have encountered numerous incidents that just make me stop and think, "Oh my God, thank you so much for making me overweight, slow, sweaty, slow to pick up on things, hairy, overly sensitive and a public crier." At least I am not insane with an overpowering desire to show it. Preferably at 7am, not leaving my crazy post until 7pm. It''s a long days work being insane in public. Case in point, the Muffin and Magazine Man (MM Man). There is a man that stands on Washington Circle every morning with muffins and magazines. He's selling them as a service to all us quick walkers (or in my case...slow walkers). Here's the kicker. They are gently used. Mmmmm nothing is better first thing in the morning than a used and/or stolen issue of Forbes Magazine with a half crushed blueberry muffin.

Me: "Wait, this one has a bite taken out of it!
MM Man: Yes beautiful lady, I was hungry when I fished that out of the Starbucks dumpster, I took a bite of it.
Me: ohhhhhh ok...
Me and MM Man : hahahahahaha! {sharing a laugh}

This man is only parallel in craziness by the insane fat redheaded white man that stands outside the fire station on my block every morning with the same shirt on everyday, yelling at ??? Whoever it is, he is VERY upset with them, he's "HAD IT!" and he's "Not going to put up with this f*cking sh*t much longer." Me either. Maybe he's yelling at his shirt for not working. Oh by the way...its says "Hold The Hog" on it with an arrow pointing SOUTH.

Then there are the "random lunatics". These are people who look 'normal', but if you put them in any situation where they have to be in any way interpersonal, they fail miserably. These are the "sleepers", if you will. They come out of nowhere. They look normal, and it just takes practice and familiarity to spot them, figure out that you don't want to be anywhere near them and plan accordingly. I have two in particular in mind. One is this very good looking professional white guy that frequents the deli downstairs. He's well dressed, clean cut, and INSANE. Everyday he goes down there to order a sandwich and everyday, he's insane. It's hard to describe but it basically includes talking very loudly to everyone, sometimes aggressively, and every time, uninvited. Plus, he's a dreaded "close talker". I fell for this on day #1. At first when he said hello and smiled at me, I thought, "Gosh, he's friendly, and sort of cute! That's refreshing!". At that point he came and stood next to me while I read the menu board up above and proceeded to say, "Mmmmmmmm...What are you getting?" in this seductive yet anticipatory hushed voice. Still not knowing the depth of his insanity, I laughed nervously and said, "Don't know yet." He says, "Mmmmm...well I'll wait to decide until you say what you want." At this point I was thinking that either he was hitting on me, or maybe I smelled some insane cookin. Sure enough, I ordered the Chicken Californiacado sandwich, "with sprouts" and he ordered the same thing almost in unison (and louder and out of turn) and said, "Extra sprouts!" and while he said it, he was looking at me. Insanely. Ok, so I avoid that bozo now and I started to notice that everyone else does too. He's so freakin weird, he's like Bill Murray in What about Bob?.

The next wacko on deck is a very large, sweaty man who comes from work at the {fill in some place where you can wear a dress shirt untucked with black jeans and blindingly white Reebok Classics} and who one day was held up, just like everyone else, at the Foggy Bottom Metro stop because there is only one escalator now, it's not moving and people are using it to go both up and down. There was a large line. This upset him. Just to give you a short summary, he started yelling a LOT. Also apparently he thought he was black as he referred to himself as a "brother" and told the disgruntled Metro worker manning the escalator that he was "tryna keep a brutha down". Ironically, the Metro employee was black and did not find him amusing. He proceeds to yell AIMLESSLY that they were on his time now; "This is MY time mother f*ckers! I put in my 8 hours and it's 5 and you're cutting into my time! I'munna f*ck some sh*t up in here mother f*ckers! Let's see how much of my time you're wasting {checking cell phone, so apparently he has some form of credit}...just as I thought mother f*ckers, LATE! Im late as a mother f*cker and I aint gonna put up with this sh*t much longer. That right, the line starts here mother f*cker, right here with me because I'm citizen #1 and this is my time!" Well thanks to him, we all had a good time on his time and then everyone scattered as we boarded the Metro, away from Lunatic Mcghee, and guesssssssssss who is left with no where to stand but next to Tons of Fun? Yes, me. Nowhere to move either. Needless to say he spoke to me, whoops I mean yelled, the whole way to Metro Center. Good Times.

One guy the other day was dancing and singing out loud on the Metro and then started to pray out loud and then he started to shout advertisements for himself as a rapper and how he will be performing on one particular corner in South East and then on WPGC later that night, but I think that last bit about the radio performance was the "insane" talking.

Last but not least, we have the naked man. I saw a man who was VERY weird start to slowly change his clothes on the Metro and I turned away. Apparently as he was attempting to bring down one of the three pairs of pants he was wearing (yes three) he proceeded to pull them all down, exposing his naked ass. I of course was right next to this man, and had no idea until everyone started to look at me with horror. It was a few paranoid moments before I realized that they weren't looking at me and scattering, it was the naked full moon behind me. Pardon the pun. Ewww.

So that's my shpeel on crazies for right now. It's a thrill a minute, this commute. So I'm running now, I forgot to tell you. I have to run everywhere to catch the Metro and train, so yeah, too bad I didn't go intro training for that because there is a lot of burning in my lungs, panting, sweating and shin splints at this point, but I think I'll be ok :) It's nice to be out and about in the bustling city before I have to hole up in my office, so for that I am thankful for the change in scenery. By the way, did I mention how sexy tennis shoes are with dress clothes/suits? I see a lot of that around here and I of course jumped right on the bandwagon and so my workouts are now in my best clothes. I wouldn't have it any other way. ;)

So here are some things I've learned in the last 8 days of my job (just for some fun):

*My arrival was well awaited by all the people in my department. That wide eyed snicker they let out when they are introduced to me is because THEY know the amount of work that was waiting for me. I just thought I had a boogie in my nose for the first 5 days.

*Most people are just insecure and if you just say hello, likely they will warm up and introduce themselves to you, as well as all the insane people that managed to also get hired by your company that he or she is friends with. I pass so many people in this building everyday and I don't know any of them and they don't know each other either. I've made it a point to say hello to a bunch of people rather than waiting for them to introduce themselves to me, because apparently this company is so big, it just doesn't happen. So, I'm making some friends I guess. Mostly I'm partial to the black girls and the gay men. Hey, I am, what can I say? ;)

*Meetings are dumb. None of us is as dumb as all of us.

*When you're the one taking notes during a conference call or meeting, you're going to be the one with the most work. When all of the responsibilities divvied out are YOURS, don't be surprised.

*Just because you're new doesn't mean you're not expected to know everything, right away. Using "I'm not sure what you mean when you say 'optimal universal fidelity bond regulated error and liability coverage' because I'm new" is so passe. Try, "Ahhh yes, I concur! Great work everyone! Good meeting!" This works better. Doesn't matter if you felt like it was in Chinese, it was a great meeting, idiot!

*Aeron chairs are SO comfortable and high class.

*I do not have an Aeron chair.

*Even if you have a video camera outside your office door, you still forget and do weird things.

*My office doesn't have a terrace for a reason. Its too tempting.

*Having a cappuccino machine in the breakroom is nice and "foamy".

*Expresso roast makes me insane.

*There are a lot of rich and worldly people who work here. It's hard to keep up in conversations about vacation homes. I don't even have a regular home.

*I really had no idea but the company I work for is the biggest in the world (in its business) and it is not only well renowned but notorious. When you f*ck up big, it's in the news. Yes...the real news.

*I see now why Nikki doesn't put the name of her company in her blog or talk about work for fear that someone will find it in her company and she will lose her job.

*BIC Gel gliding pens ae the shiznit.

*Casual Fridays make people very happy. And dumpy.

*That guy on the other end of the line at the Help Desk is somewhere far away and cant help you for a very long time. Also...he hates you.

*Everyone on the line in a call-in phone seminar can hear you if you're coughing, eating, talking on your cell or chewing gum.

*Lotus Notes is weird. Where is Bill Gates when you need him?

*Its nice having caller ID. ;)

*This place aint nothing like Tate Andale.

*Great benefits make you want to work harder for your employer. Also, there is a massage therapist on staff here. Hells yeah.

I will add to this list later but so far my experience here has been very good. Very hard, lots of work, but great. There is a different kind of morale here and people do this thing that they are calling "WORK". It's very strange but I'm starting to see that's kind of what they want you to do before they bring you this little green check I have in my hand. :)

I missed you bloggies! I will try harder to be a good blogger so that you can stop referring to me as "the blogger formerly known as thelauralee". So please stick with me and I will do my best to keep you entertained and informed.

In other words....PLEASE BE TRUE! In other words, I love you!!!!

Song of the Day:
Fly Me To The Moon - Frank Sinatra

Tweet tweet!

Well y'all, its time.

Today is the first day of my new job. Naturally, I woke up at 4:30am...because I have to be there at 9am. ;) Im feeling a mixture of things here. Some of it is anticipation (the good kind) and some of it is anxiousness (the bad kind). I dont know what to expect really, and although this is one of those rare days I wont see very often in my life and I should embrace it and savor it...well you know me...I'm a worry wart.

I'm feeling a little insecure about making it in DC, getting to work via DC transport (by the way, didnt get my $175 train/metro commuter pass in the mail in time so I have to BUY a ticket today on both), whether or not I can do that job well, if people will like me and lastly, will I like the job? What if it turns out to be a huge mistake? Hey, dont ever say I didnt help reveal the dark side to every situation. ;) Im being rather insecure I suppose though, right?

Nikki is taking the early train with me (6:48am) so I can get there, buy a MARC train ticket, and then she can show me around Union Station a little bit and shove me off like a baby bird from the nest towards the Red Line to Dupont Circle. From there, I plan to walk .56 miles to 23rd Street NW, where my new high powered career area is located. All of this SHOULD occur by 9am. Seeing as how it's 4:51am, I should get a move on here kiddies (ha!) but I did want to poke my head on here and at least send out a message in a bottle to all my neglected bloggies: WISH ME LUCK!

I will be sure to post a lil blog about my first week and what it was like. Afterall...you miss me like crazy DONT YOU?!

Love and mental stability to you all...

1.21 Jigawatts?!

Oh my Holy Land! Someone gimme a banana peel and some Miller Genuine Draft for my tank! Plutonium (and gasoline) are hard to come by in the 21st century!