...could easily replace me in all my endeavors, but you be the judge...
Friday, July 01, 2005
You gotta know when to hold ’em...
...know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to beat the crap out of the camera man...


OMG!!! Why are you assaulting Yul Brynner?! Yikes. At least that camera didnt squirt water in his face (see recent Tom Cruise prank). Word has it that Texas Ranger's boxer, KennyRogers' publicist couldnt be reached for comment, but the reporters present (who were not at this point terrified of getting a Creatin' Creamin) were able to catch Rogers in the dug-out, right after he punched that cooler for looking cheeky. Upon being asked WHY he went into attack mode on that poor little Mexican cameraman, Larry Rodriguez, he said:

"Son, I've made a life out of beatin' people's faces, And knowin' what their problems were by the way they held their cameras."

Sources present for that quote said he sung it in a southern twangy accent and was asking where Dolly Parton was, which was befuddling to the already terrified standersby. ;)

Check out full article here: Beat me Kenny. Harder, you p*ssy!

What is going on in baseball anymore? Maybe the sports world feels the need to compensate for the lack of hockey fights this year and just burst out into a good scrap randomly, satisfying the sadistic urges of the average fan (or Canadian). There are so many interesting things about that article but here are my favorites:

*Rogers shoved two cameramen before the Rangers' game against the Los Angeles Angels on Wednesday in a videotaped tirade that included throwing a camera to the ground, kicking it and threatening to break more.

More WHAT? "You camera guys better f*ck off or I'm gonna break more!" HULK SMASHHHHH!!! I dunno about you, but I personally like to receive all threats in a specific and articulate manner. You suck Kenny. God bless the brave man who mutters under his breath at this point, "Like what?" Later in the article, it was reported Rogers said, "I'll break every ... one of them," in reference to the...ughhhh..cameras??? yeah, cameras.

*Because the incident occurred on the field, MLB has jurisdiction. A decision on possible discipline is expected Friday, Texas owner Tom Hicks said. "At this point there's nothing the Texas Rangers will or can do," Hicks said. "We will support whatever the commissioner decides."

I love how a Major League Baseball field is like diplomatic territory or something. If I were Yul, whoops, I mean Scary-Larry-with-no-Hairy (the cameraman), I would just be thrilled that the non-corrupt institution that is MLB was going to sort things out on my behalf and decide whether or not what Big Rog did to me and my trusty camera was actually "assault". It's on VIDEO. These guys need to get control over themselves on and off the field. Maybe Kenny needs to take some "keeping your cool" tips from Tom Cruise. Plus then he might be able to look at Katie Holmes's sweet ass. Peace people. Peace = Piece. Actually the coppers were breifly involved in this incident, but much like the FBI on a local Sheriff's crime scene, "They aint wanted round these parts. Farez I'm concerned, itz outta their jurisdicshun {spit tabacka}". No charges have been filed. We're just gonna let the Comish werk it ouuuuut!

*Rogers wasn't available for comment...Hart was: "He made it very clear to me that he did the wrong thing and it was inappropriate," Hart said. "It was out of character, way out of character for Kenny."

Guess what? Enjoy your new image, slugger. You think the media is gonna be on your side now?

*"Kenny is having anger issues right now," Hart said after Wednesday's game. "I don't know what's going on inside. We're responding to something that's very unusual."

Why wont he open up to me?! {sniff} I just don't GET it! I don't even know who he IS anymore! He won't go to counseling, he wont talk to the kids about their day, the other day he kicked the dog 3 times for looking at him weird...I've just about had it. I can't live with him if he just wont tell me whats going on inside! {Hart wipes eyes on apron and pouts} I'll just go to my mother's and take the kids!

*"His comment to me was, 'I didn't handle this right. I'm frustrated. My integrity and toughness is being called into question,"' Hart said.

No. Not your toughness. We know who's boss now. Especially LARRY!

*Paraphrasing here but it says in this article that Big Rog is a 6'1", 210 lb pitcher for a MLB team. Larry's stats aren't provided, unfairly, but I'm going to go ahead and guess from the photo, he's about 5' tall, 135 lbs, sopping wet, and HE DOESNT HAVE HAIR!!! It was probably justified though considering, Texas had been in a recent slump, and had lost eight of their last nine games. Sometimes you just have to kick someones ass over something like that. I hope Rodriguez got to at least mutter at Rogers (before KR stormed off to take it out on the cooler): "I'm so mad at you for that."

*"Kenny has had a short fuse dealing with the media," Hicks said. "I've heard stories about what may or may not have happened. He has issues. It's directed at the media and I don't know why."

I don't really like to see myself on recording either. Mmmmm, yeah, not so much. Maybe he thought that lately he'd looked fat on camera and had just had it. I feel that way sometimes too and occasionally I might beat the camera person as well. ;) In all seriousness (shaa), I'll admit it...the media is a terrible obstacle for celebrities, sports stars, and former Baltimore City Police Commissioner Edward T. Norris, but in this case, I dont know if that mis-matched bullying was nearly warranted. If Kenny has issues with the media, maybe he should just pray about it and find inspiration from another guy who's first name was the same as his last (its fate) and try to keep his coolio in the face of great adversity (like having your picture taken). Oh and I meant Roger Maris just then. I had no point really... :)

*In closing, my favorite part of this article was the caption under the "dug-out" pic: Kenny Rogers checks out his hand after hitting a water cooler. And apparently, he hasn't cooled off any.

Ya think??? Stay away from my cooler, Gambler!

Song of the Beatin:

The Gambler - Kenny Rogers of the Texas Rangers (hmmm...I didn't know he wrote that. Learn sumpthin new everyday!)



7 Comments:

Blogger Laura Lee said...

I remember Mark. Moreso his sister Elizabeth. She was '95 as well. Maybe she will be at the reunion and we can all talk about Kenny Rogers. ;)

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Didn't her mom have cancer? I wonder how she is doing?

Blogger Laura Lee said...

I think so ...I'm not sure actually. Chris?

Blogger Laura Lee said...

OMG!!! Go to yesterdays comments everyone to see how I made an ass of myself in front of my BROTHER! I didnt think I could still do that at age 28! :( yikes!

Also nikki makes fun of me for being Mexican and living salsa...good times.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

SONG THAT MUST BE ADDED:

LONG DAY - MATCHBOX 20

http://www.asklyrics.com/display/Long_Day_LYRICS/20337

Anonymous Anonymous said...

you know, roger maris kept it in, but it made his hair fall out. But guys like Teddy Ballgame and Cobb lived into very old age. And Cobb beat up cripples! I think Roger has some longevity.

Blogger Laura Lee said...

Well then, I'm going to have to beat the crap out of more people and treat them like shit, so I can live long and prosper. That must be the way to go...

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