Ok...I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!! I have to blog about something emotional! I recently went through and temporarily removed a number of "overly emotional posts" dating back to ...um...I dunno, I think I got to March or something before I got bored of that. haha
So the title of today’s blog is a line from a Billy Joel "ballad". All you New Yorkers, please don’t get your panties in a twist since I said something about your BJ. ;) I’m warning you, this blog is aimless but is based on the song Scenes From An Italian Restaurant by the one and only drunk drivin, Willy Joel. I bet he wouldn’t like it if someone called him Willy. My dad's name is Robert and he goes by Rob, and a few people used to call him Bob when I was little (I forget who they were?) and he would ANSWER to it but it pissed him off! haha Ok anyway...back on track.
So you guys already know that my taste in music is…um...eclectic, and many may consider it really sucky, but YOU suck so shutup! Well I used to love two particular Billy Joel albums. The first was, The Stranger. This was excellente por favor ;) The other was (ok brace yourself) Innocent Man. Its good, ok?! Anyway, Scenes from an Italian Restaurant was on The Stranger album and I of course loved this song and sang along because hello, it’s a story. I love stories! :) Plus, I really just liked how he would call Brenda, "Brender". The Long Island 'R'. But, I don't really think I ever got what was going on in this story until about 5 years ago.
I was 20 or so? Ok that’s bullshit, I was 23, and I was engaged to K and feeling reaaaaaaaaally uneasy about it. I thought to myself very often in my lil car rides back and forth from Edgewater to 20 Silverwood Circle (yahoo Nikki!), "WTF are you doing getting married? Maybe you should put this off until you’re less insane. Who am I kidding, you will never be less insane, better do it or else everyone will be disappointed in you. You can't fall apart now." As dramatic as that sounds, I was TERRIFIED to fall apart! I put a lot of undue pressure on myself to do everything the 'right way' and put on a happy face and make everything look great and really, I should have listened to my intuition. Not that K turned out to be a raging wife beating asshole or anything, but we were just so young and maybe we were, in part, clinging to one of people/things we perceived as ‘stable’ in our lives. We’d been together forever and a day, so it must be right, eh? ummm, no. On top of it, I was having a hard time with a lot of things then; job, car, living situation, family, etc. Needless to say though, obviously I did go through with it.
So I'm driving along and listening about 5 years ago and it hit me: We're Brender and Eddie. OMG. We are! "They lived for a while in a very nice style, but it’s always the same in the end. They got a divorce as a matter of course, and they parted the closest of friends. Then the king and the queen went back to the green, but you can never go back there again...whoaohoh, whoaohoh." :( yikes! And here we are...we've had had it already by the summer of 2005! Well fuck me. And this ‘not being able to go back to green’ thing...I don’t think I like the sound of that! Anyway, I don’t really have a point (hah) other than the fact that I would listen to that song and as those 5 years went on, I would deny that it was true, but each year it would get closer and closer to reality. Then, I heard it today and was like HOLY SHIT! The Prophecy of Willy Joel has come to fruition! This of course made me want to go back and listen to ALL of his songs to find out what’s going to happen to me now ;)
Also, I could go back to the Lansdowne Inn and have a chat with Bessie, the psychic. I went with Lindsay a few years ago, and she gave me this loooooong BS reading that I laughed my ass off at that HAS ALL COME TRUE since then!!! haha I kid you not! That’s a blog for another time though. I will have to go through my crap tonight and see if I can find all the notes Linz took during my reading. If you remember anything Linz, chime in. I remember she predicted the forensics thing, and said I would get a divorce and there would be a move to CHICAGO (yes, no lie) and that I would meet someone else and fall in love and write together and move to NYC. Sounds fun. I hated that reading then and thought she was a senile old bitch but now I’m thinking I like the sound of some of her predictions. ;) Oh I almost forgot…she told me that there were twin girls in my future too and kept asking me if I was pregnant and I was like HELL NO LADY! Maybe she was feeling my new lil twin sisters' vibe?
So back to the Italian Restaurant…I was just thinkin about it all today because I emailed Eddie and asked how things were going with the new job, the new digs, etc and he was the usual Eddie. “Fine. good. ok.” ;) He did mention that Blay had been up there last weekend and visited him and it was nice to catch up. Also he said he will likely be coming home this summer at some point. I don’t know how Im gonna deal with that, but I suppose its not the worst thing in the world. I don’t know why I’m so damn afraid of him. I really do hope that he has met a nice girl though and maybe soon enough, he'll be tellin me: "Things are okay with me these days. Got a good job, got a good office. Got a new wife, got a new life, and the family’s fine. We lost touch long ago, you lost weight I did not know, you could ever look so good after so much time." ;)
If Willy’s prophecies are going to be coming true, that losing weight thing better be true! Damn you Willy! Arrggggggg (shake fists). These past 6 months or so since I "got back out there prematurely" have been rough indeed. Lots of ups and downs, but I really had some experiences that were amazing. I've kissed, I've touched, I've held, I've cuddled, and yeah...I've done some other stuff too, and with someone who I was really attracted to and comfortable with. Weird as it may be, I hope he gets to experience all of that too...I'm actually very thankful I did get to feel that way again. Anyway, it's been almost a year since I've seen him and so much has happened in that time, I can’t imagine what 5 years from now will be like. By then, he really will be The Stranger.
You might get a kick out of this though…since some of you know me and my ‘body temperature issues” haha… He asked how the Maryland heat was treating me, did I have the air cranked up to 'Walt Disney Cryogenics' levels yet? See, I’m never going to change there. He loves the hot hot weather and I am so dramatic I would say I was melting away at the same temperature that in the winter was "freeeeeezing! Im freeeezing dammit!!" I have temperature issues. :)
Ok there is no rhyme or reason to this blog- ha. Oh one thing-- remember the Nurse Quacktitioner? I saw Dr. Suess this week and showed it to her and she was tickled pink (shut up, don’t be gross), but then I got all discombobulated and forgot to give it to her on my way out. Luckily for me, I will see her again NEXT week. Oh the joy.
Instead of songs of the day, I’m going to list a number of songs I’ve heard on JACK FM today (and yes, I am convinced that they are trying to drive me mad with love songs).
Have a fabulous Thursday evening! I’m taking a poll here (not a pole!)…was this blog overly emotional and exposing? You, the readers, tell me. Your answers will be tabulated and the majority will be reflected in either removal or lots n lots of fabulouso comments. ;)
Love,
Brender
Jack-in off songs:
Suspicious Minds – Elis Presley
Out of My Head – Fastball
Your Song – Elton John
The Last DJ – Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
Lean on Me – Billy Withers
No Matter What – I want to say Beatles here, but it might just be Badfinger…
I’ll Be – Edwin McCain
Heart of the Matter – Don Henley
White Shade of Pale – Procal Harum
Nothing Compares To You – Sinead O’Connor (Yes, please, stab me in the heart)
Shape of my Heart – Sting (great song…not about love! About gambling!)
Africa – Toto
The Flame – Cheap Trick
Handle With Care – Traveling Wilburys (yey!)
Beth – Kiss
How Long – Jessy
Why? – Annie Lennox (ok, this one killed me) :(
Invincible – Pat Benetar (oh, and Love is a Battlefield too)
Superfreak – Rick James Bitch! (she’s super phrealyee! Wow!)
Funky Cold Medina - Tone Loc
Heaven – Warrant
Turning Japanese – The Vapors
I Gotta Know Tonight – Darius (I got a tip for ya Darius…you don’t gotta know tonight)
Whole Lotta Love – Led Zeppelin
Somebody’s Watchin Me – Rockwell
Every Breath You Take – The Police
Dream On – Aerosmith
Mr. Roboto – Styx (you know this is actually a sad song…”I’m not a hero, I’m not a savior…”)
Building a Mystery – Sarah McLaughlin (you bee-yew-ti-ful fucked up man!)
Manic Depression – Jimmy Hendrix (TELL me about it…)
I Will Get By - The Grateful Dead
Love Stinks – J. Geils Band
Let it Whip – Dazz Band
The Hook - Blues Traveler (true dat)
In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel
Evil Woman - ELO
Angie - The Rolling Stones
Love Song – Telsa (ahhh…good one *sniff* )
And...LAST BUT NOT LEAST...
Scenes From An Itlaian Restaurant - Willy Joel
102.7FM, The Jack, rocks my world! This is not a paid advertisement.
So the title of today’s blog is a line from a Billy Joel "ballad". All you New Yorkers, please don’t get your panties in a twist since I said something about your BJ. ;) I’m warning you, this blog is aimless but is based on the song Scenes From An Italian Restaurant by the one and only drunk drivin, Willy Joel. I bet he wouldn’t like it if someone called him Willy. My dad's name is Robert and he goes by Rob, and a few people used to call him Bob when I was little (I forget who they were?) and he would ANSWER to it but it pissed him off! haha Ok anyway...back on track.
So you guys already know that my taste in music is…um...eclectic, and many may consider it really sucky, but YOU suck so shutup! Well I used to love two particular Billy Joel albums. The first was, The Stranger. This was excellente por favor ;) The other was (ok brace yourself) Innocent Man. Its good, ok?! Anyway, Scenes from an Italian Restaurant was on The Stranger album and I of course loved this song and sang along because hello, it’s a story. I love stories! :) Plus, I really just liked how he would call Brenda, "Brender". The Long Island 'R'. But, I don't really think I ever got what was going on in this story until about 5 years ago.
I was 20 or so? Ok that’s bullshit, I was 23, and I was engaged to K and feeling reaaaaaaaaally uneasy about it. I thought to myself very often in my lil car rides back and forth from Edgewater to 20 Silverwood Circle (yahoo Nikki!), "WTF are you doing getting married? Maybe you should put this off until you’re less insane. Who am I kidding, you will never be less insane, better do it or else everyone will be disappointed in you. You can't fall apart now." As dramatic as that sounds, I was TERRIFIED to fall apart! I put a lot of undue pressure on myself to do everything the 'right way' and put on a happy face and make everything look great and really, I should have listened to my intuition. Not that K turned out to be a raging wife beating asshole or anything, but we were just so young and maybe we were, in part, clinging to one of people/things we perceived as ‘stable’ in our lives. We’d been together forever and a day, so it must be right, eh? ummm, no. On top of it, I was having a hard time with a lot of things then; job, car, living situation, family, etc. Needless to say though, obviously I did go through with it.
So I'm driving along and listening about 5 years ago and it hit me: We're Brender and Eddie. OMG. We are! "They lived for a while in a very nice style, but it’s always the same in the end. They got a divorce as a matter of course, and they parted the closest of friends. Then the king and the queen went back to the green, but you can never go back there again...whoaohoh, whoaohoh." :( yikes! And here we are...we've had had it already by the summer of 2005! Well fuck me. And this ‘not being able to go back to green’ thing...I don’t think I like the sound of that! Anyway, I don’t really have a point (hah) other than the fact that I would listen to that song and as those 5 years went on, I would deny that it was true, but each year it would get closer and closer to reality. Then, I heard it today and was like HOLY SHIT! The Prophecy of Willy Joel has come to fruition! This of course made me want to go back and listen to ALL of his songs to find out what’s going to happen to me now ;)
Also, I could go back to the Lansdowne Inn and have a chat with Bessie, the psychic. I went with Lindsay a few years ago, and she gave me this loooooong BS reading that I laughed my ass off at that HAS ALL COME TRUE since then!!! haha I kid you not! That’s a blog for another time though. I will have to go through my crap tonight and see if I can find all the notes Linz took during my reading. If you remember anything Linz, chime in. I remember she predicted the forensics thing, and said I would get a divorce and there would be a move to CHICAGO (yes, no lie) and that I would meet someone else and fall in love and write together and move to NYC. Sounds fun. I hated that reading then and thought she was a senile old bitch but now I’m thinking I like the sound of some of her predictions. ;) Oh I almost forgot…she told me that there were twin girls in my future too and kept asking me if I was pregnant and I was like HELL NO LADY! Maybe she was feeling my new lil twin sisters' vibe?
So back to the Italian Restaurant…I was just thinkin about it all today because I emailed Eddie and asked how things were going with the new job, the new digs, etc and he was the usual Eddie. “Fine. good. ok.” ;) He did mention that Blay had been up there last weekend and visited him and it was nice to catch up. Also he said he will likely be coming home this summer at some point. I don’t know how Im gonna deal with that, but I suppose its not the worst thing in the world. I don’t know why I’m so damn afraid of him. I really do hope that he has met a nice girl though and maybe soon enough, he'll be tellin me: "Things are okay with me these days. Got a good job, got a good office. Got a new wife, got a new life, and the family’s fine. We lost touch long ago, you lost weight I did not know, you could ever look so good after so much time." ;)
If Willy’s prophecies are going to be coming true, that losing weight thing better be true! Damn you Willy! Arrggggggg (shake fists). These past 6 months or so since I "got back out there prematurely" have been rough indeed. Lots of ups and downs, but I really had some experiences that were amazing. I've kissed, I've touched, I've held, I've cuddled, and yeah...I've done some other stuff too, and with someone who I was really attracted to and comfortable with. Weird as it may be, I hope he gets to experience all of that too...I'm actually very thankful I did get to feel that way again. Anyway, it's been almost a year since I've seen him and so much has happened in that time, I can’t imagine what 5 years from now will be like. By then, he really will be The Stranger.
You might get a kick out of this though…since some of you know me and my ‘body temperature issues” haha… He asked how the Maryland heat was treating me, did I have the air cranked up to 'Walt Disney Cryogenics' levels yet? See, I’m never going to change there. He loves the hot hot weather and I am so dramatic I would say I was melting away at the same temperature that in the winter was "freeeeeezing! Im freeeezing dammit!!" I have temperature issues. :)
Ok there is no rhyme or reason to this blog- ha. Oh one thing-- remember the Nurse Quacktitioner? I saw Dr. Suess this week and showed it to her and she was tickled pink (shut up, don’t be gross), but then I got all discombobulated and forgot to give it to her on my way out. Luckily for me, I will see her again NEXT week. Oh the joy.
Instead of songs of the day, I’m going to list a number of songs I’ve heard on JACK FM today (and yes, I am convinced that they are trying to drive me mad with love songs).
Have a fabulous Thursday evening! I’m taking a poll here (not a pole!)…was this blog overly emotional and exposing? You, the readers, tell me. Your answers will be tabulated and the majority will be reflected in either removal or lots n lots of fabulouso comments. ;)
Love,
Brender
Jack-in off songs:
Suspicious Minds – Elis Presley
Out of My Head – Fastball
Your Song – Elton John
The Last DJ – Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
Lean on Me – Billy Withers
No Matter What – I want to say Beatles here, but it might just be Badfinger…
I’ll Be – Edwin McCain
Heart of the Matter – Don Henley
White Shade of Pale – Procal Harum
Nothing Compares To You – Sinead O’Connor (Yes, please, stab me in the heart)
Shape of my Heart – Sting (great song…not about love! About gambling!)
Africa – Toto
The Flame – Cheap Trick
Handle With Care – Traveling Wilburys (yey!)
Beth – Kiss
How Long – Jessy
Why? – Annie Lennox (ok, this one killed me) :(
Invincible – Pat Benetar (oh, and Love is a Battlefield too)
Superfreak – Rick James Bitch! (she’s super phrealyee! Wow!)
Funky Cold Medina - Tone Loc
Heaven – Warrant
Turning Japanese – The Vapors
I Gotta Know Tonight – Darius (I got a tip for ya Darius…you don’t gotta know tonight)
Whole Lotta Love – Led Zeppelin
Somebody’s Watchin Me – Rockwell
Every Breath You Take – The Police
Dream On – Aerosmith
Mr. Roboto – Styx (you know this is actually a sad song…”I’m not a hero, I’m not a savior…”)
Building a Mystery – Sarah McLaughlin (you bee-yew-ti-ful fucked up man!)
Manic Depression – Jimmy Hendrix (TELL me about it…)
I Will Get By - The Grateful Dead
Love Stinks – J. Geils Band
Let it Whip – Dazz Band
The Hook - Blues Traveler (true dat)
In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel
Evil Woman - ELO
Angie - The Rolling Stones
Love Song – Telsa (ahhh…good one *sniff* )
And...LAST BUT NOT LEAST...
Scenes From An Itlaian Restaurant - Willy Joel
102.7FM, The Jack, rocks my world! This is not a paid advertisement.
5 Comments:
Love Song. Sniff indeed. I can't listen to that one, or "Scenes" without getting all welled up. I don't think the post was too exposing or overemotional. That was actually really heartfelt and beautiful.
Funny how times change for two people. You do all of these things together, grow up together, love each other (I'm talking from my own experience here) and yet, it just doesn't work.
I am a firm believer, as you know, that you can't go back there again. The trip to where you are today was a good thing, and you take all of those wonderful moments from your life with that person and move forward. It's a positive thing. Great times that you got to share, and getting to grow up with someone.I did it. Wouldn't trade it for the world, and know that I have a lifelong friend.
Blog as you want to blog. Don't worry about exposing. Go for it. In all things.
I love Billy Joel. I think An Innocent Man is a great album...eh, cd. The title song is one of my favorite songs, really, it is!
I thought your post was very moving. It sounds like you're moving on, past certain things, but it will always be hard. But all those things, bad and good, made you who you are now, lovable and funny.
It was poignant and eloquently spoken without sounding over-emotional in the least. Honestly. It felt very grown-up and mature and I can see tons of progress since you first started having questions about your relationship with K. It's amazing how far you've come and you really have come up smelling like roses. I'm so proud of you!
Thank you Tom, John and Lindsay! You guys are sweeties. Oh, and everyone else who read and didnt comment but thought nice warm fuzzy things (ohh! you just have the dirtiest one track mind!)
It was fun to think back to Bessie and the psychic reading. You have to help me put that blog together Linz. Maybe when all of us hang out this weekend we can put our heads together and come up with a consensus on my future according to Bessie.
Omg, WORD UP! by Cameo is on the radio...I have to go.
ps: did you see him on Hit Me Baby One More Time last night anyone? I didnt but I was wondering if he sucked.
"We don´t have the time for psychological romance. No romance, no romance, no romance for me mamma
Come on baby tell me what´s the word, ugh Word up!" I love his semi-robot voice. ahhhhh...
"Dial L for love, Dial L for love, Dial L for love! W.O.R.D. UP, W.O.R.D. UP, W.O.R.D. UP, W.O.R.D. UP!"
brender,
not overly emotional at all. very perceptive in reflection and that's perfect right there. really good entry. i'm so envious you've got so much figured out...maybe someday i'll get there, because right now i've got shit. maybe your wise excellency can help me?
great songs! wish i had the jack to listen to. though, tesla's love song *gulp* i can't really listen to anymore...sadly. it was a favorite for so long and would remind me of jaycen culp, but then eventually it became more personal to me through other people and now, along with a SLEW of other song i cant listen to it. so sad how that happens. maybe someday...
great entry honey bunny. love you. hope you had a great weekend!
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