Canadians are people from another country, did you know that?

No matter how much I tend to think that Canada is the 51st state, it's a different country altogether! These people are foreigners to me and I'm the strong, smart, rich, giant to the south of them. Just kidding, typical American attitude (America! Fuck yeah! Comin to save the MF day yeah!) Really though, as Americans we are just so ignorant. I really and truly think of Canadians as friendly, laid-back, benign Americans most times, and they arent at all. In fact they hate us! ;) Nah...not really, but its a nice reminder of your cultural differences when you actually spend more than 15 minutes disputing over whether or not Canadian money looks like monopoly money (its soooo prittteeee) and how Americans are 'morons' because our money is all the same color. We're simply retarded for same-colored money (much different than their same-sex marriages mind you) and here's why... for the mere reason that when you are shitfaced its hard to see how much you're giving the waitress/bartender, when you can't identify it by color. Now THAT is interesting. And entire culture and economical mini-me empire that's built around being FUBAR (F-ed Up Beyond All Recognition). Also, its always deep and meaninglful to discuss whether an eagle could kick a beaver's ass. Shew-wee, my boss's money is so well spent now that we got that worked out. Apparently (according to these foreigners) beavers are actually quite crafty and shrewd and can build great things and make major changes in nature and humbly at that. Ohhhhhhkay, so there are NO proud beavers? I know one! ;) According to them, an eagle has no real purpose and just lazily flies around like his shit doesnt stink, much like a cocky American would and on top of it, is practically extinct and that this is poetic because (and let me see if I can quote him properly here as to avoid a Canadian libel suit), "throughout history, all empires have fallen. The US wont be a super-power forever, its Empire will become extinct, just like their Eagle." Bee-yew-tiful! As far as they are concerned, we should have made our national animal the terydactile. Thats fine, I see thier silly point, although, I'm still convinced that even a terydactile could kick a beaver's ass. Plus likely, that beaver is drunk if he's Canadian. Beer muscles.

Mmmmm what else? Oh...light beer. Canadian beer IS like moonshine! I've got the hangover today to prove it, I assure you and last night was a 'light drinking night'! Happy to report I did no shots nor did I have any hard alcohol so I'm sticking to my goals about the alcohol (though I could certainly lower the amount consumed) and as far as diet...well, goin just ok. I prolly drank all my points for the day by 2pm yesterday, but I also got on the treadmill drunk last night, so that counts for something right? I had to get off because I was thirsty for more beer, but I still got a lil exercise in. Also, there is a Pizza Hut IN my hotel. This is not good. But I havent called them and wont (riiiiiiight???) Plus I hate foreign pizza ;) That's not peperoni...its bald eagle knowing those hateful bastards from the north! That's ok, a lot of us Americans eat beaver every chance we get, so I guess we're even, eh? ;)

So anyway, this is just to pop on and say HELLOOOOOO from the Great White North. Theres not much thats white about it besides Sean (my coworker and friend, for those of you who dont know who I mean), but he's so white that that he's doing his part to keep it real I guess...real Canadian that is. ;) I met a friend of his last night (quid pro quo...he met Linz and Nikki) and he was a load of fun as well. Two salespeople and a marketing person sitting at multiple bars chugaluggin...you can imagine it was very professional, eh? haha NOT. Anyway, great time, and glad we got that whole beaver-colored money thing straighted out. They still think Andrew Jackson looks like Harry Carey and I still think that purple money is pretty and belongs in my scrap book...all .75362759673056 of it (in relation to the "good stuff"...the American dollar).

Ok, I'm done, just like the NHL (awwwwwwww...soooo saaaaaaad) :( but wanted to say bonjour and tell you what a good time I was having (and not paying for anything, I'm in heaven!) I had $100 when I left and I still have every cent! woo hoo! So that's 5 Harry Carey's in my pocket that are just sitting there un-sqwadered. If you listen real hard, you might hear then asking one another, "Heeeeeey! If you were a beaver, would ya eat yerself?! I would...and then I'd wash me down with a tall kewl Budwisah!" or, "Heeeeey...if the moon was made of delicious spare ribs bought with colored money would you eat it? It's a simple ques-chun, would ya?!"

Bubye all you Yankee Doodle Dandies! :)