***The following nonsense is based off of this article (click) about Carlos Beltran and Roger Clemens of the big-fat Astros.***
Associated Lee Press-On, BALTIMORE, MD. -- June, 28, 2005
All eyes on thelauralee. She's the two-ton gorilla of the blogworld's summer meetings. She isn’t in town. She isn’t in the hotel lobby. She isn’t signed. She isn’t even close to signing. But thelauralee has still found a way to hover over the meetings like a traffic copter…but on the other hand, for thelauralee, the clock is ticking.
There is no law, after all, that says her blog readers have to wait around for her to get down to business. But with everyday that goes by, fewer fans seem willing to do that…Another thing we’re beginning to hear out there is that, the longer the bloggies find themselves waiting on thelauralee to blog, the higher her agent (who is Gloria Allred, but for all intents and purposes, will be played by agent, Scott Boras) sets the humiliation bar for them to read her blog. More blog clubs are beginning to doubt that she’s worth A-Rod type praise and money…or even Michael Flatley type cash, coupled with almost obsessive, stalker-esque and sexually confused admiration.
“I’m getting to the point where I really don’t care if we sign thelauralee--not if the cost is too ridiculous,” said an anonymous executive at blogger.com. “I think a lot of readers have her overrated. This bitch is NOT worth 20 million hits a year, let alone the $2 I left on her nightstand last night for that crappy BJ. I mean, not if you compare her to A-Rod or Seymore Butts and ‘performers’ like that.”
An official at another company where the employees do nothing but sit around and read thelauralee’s blog said, “Where are her Gold Typing Gloves? Uh, she’s never won any! How many snake charming or homerun titles has she won? Uh, that would be none! She’s barely made it to 2nd base! She’s no expert. How many all-star blog teams has she made, writing for a reputable blog sponsor that had to have an all-star blog writer on staff each and every year to stay ahead of the game? That would be one (blogger), which she only made this year after being traded from the Handwritten Diary Writers of America. A GD non-profit club! Someone call Peter Angelos!”
“I like the broad,” said one loyal reader. “I like to see if she’ll write about me after we ‘do stuff’. It makes me feel like a celebrity when I see she’s mentioned me the next day…if she even gets around to blogging that day. She can be a real lazy bitch.” Shim further commented, “Don’t get me wrong though. A lot of this ‘hype’ about thelauralee is based on a perception of her that was formed in October, and the record shows, she isn’t that person all the time. Ha! Her moods shift hourly. Often we have to scroll down her entry and look at the Songs of the Day just to see what kind of mania we’re going to have to deal with as readers that day. It’s not pretty.”
Ultimately of course, thelauralee doesn’t care what her so-called loyal readers think of her, she will get her money (and her black Violent Femmes tee shirt back). It may not be more than $.69, which will be issued to her in a check written by The Dude, but most likely, she’ll get it. But, it will be enough to go out and buy that Wascally Wabbit of her dreams, at least.
The question, though, is whether all this posturing and waiting around has really been worth the aggravation? It has knocked several interesting options off thelauralee’s plate already. And in the end, she could wind up having to choose between a hometown, Gay Pride contract in Baltimore, or a write-or-else paycheck in San Juan.
It will be fascinating to see what road she winds up drunk driving, all right. So until she finally writes this next blog entry, the world will be watching (in between reality shows and episodes of ‘Trading Spaces’ of course).
Oh and by the way…so will a fellow named Roger Clemens.
**********************************************************************
Huh? Whoops…I forgot to change the names of the characters there at the end to keep the private life of bloggers and baseball players a private sanctuary. ;) I think by now you’ve all figured out that I got a lil silly this morning and decided to plagiar-write (its how I get all my material) an article about how I haven’t blogged about our past weekend in NYC yet and posted pictures even though both Heather and Lindsay have BOTH linked to me and put the pressure on so they can do so-called “more important” things like move and work for a living. Losers. So now I suppose I should take time away from playing pool on Yahoo! Games and do it already…good gracious.
A special thanks to ESPN Batboy Extraordinaire (aka columnist), Jason Stark, for providing the opinionated yellow journalism crap he calls reporting in an article regarding the 2004 'pussyfoot' tango Carlos Beltran and Roger Clemens did, while fans waited with baited breath to see if the Houston Astros would continue to suck. So yeah, he provided this article for me to plagiarize and make it about yours truly. It’s better when its about me anyhow, don't you think? Nuts to Beltran and Clemens. Besides, it fit; whether it be blogger.com or the Houston Astros, they are interchangeable when it comes to allowing people like Beltran and thelauralee to use their forum to do dumb shit with no reputability and get a lot of attention for it.
If you have any issues with the content of this article, please contact my agent HERE. She did some good work for me when I sued the Los Angeles Beauty School for not letting me participate in that pageant. Bastards! Also, Amber Frye is a hot MILF and she did pretty ok for her too. The message stays the same, look out ‘people who try to front on me’ or you’ll end up like Scott Peterson or a cross-dressing version of Pete Rose in some bizarre scenarios. All Gloria had to do was refer to Peterson as a “14 carat A-hole’ to have him convicted and sentenced to death. Mere commentary. Tell me that’s not writer's inspiration.
Stay tuned you impatient lil doing-doings, It’s comin…it’s comin…
Associated Lee Press-On, BALTIMORE, MD. -- June, 28, 2005
All eyes on thelauralee. She's the two-ton gorilla of the blogworld's summer meetings. She isn’t in town. She isn’t in the hotel lobby. She isn’t signed. She isn’t even close to signing. But thelauralee has still found a way to hover over the meetings like a traffic copter…but on the other hand, for thelauralee, the clock is ticking.
There is no law, after all, that says her blog readers have to wait around for her to get down to business. But with everyday that goes by, fewer fans seem willing to do that…Another thing we’re beginning to hear out there is that, the longer the bloggies find themselves waiting on thelauralee to blog, the higher her agent (who is Gloria Allred, but for all intents and purposes, will be played by agent, Scott Boras) sets the humiliation bar for them to read her blog. More blog clubs are beginning to doubt that she’s worth A-Rod type praise and money…or even Michael Flatley type cash, coupled with almost obsessive, stalker-esque and sexually confused admiration.
“I’m getting to the point where I really don’t care if we sign thelauralee--not if the cost is too ridiculous,” said an anonymous executive at blogger.com. “I think a lot of readers have her overrated. This bitch is NOT worth 20 million hits a year, let alone the $2 I left on her nightstand last night for that crappy BJ. I mean, not if you compare her to A-Rod or Seymore Butts and ‘performers’ like that.”
An official at another company where the employees do nothing but sit around and read thelauralee’s blog said, “Where are her Gold Typing Gloves? Uh, she’s never won any! How many snake charming or homerun titles has she won? Uh, that would be none! She’s barely made it to 2nd base! She’s no expert. How many all-star blog teams has she made, writing for a reputable blog sponsor that had to have an all-star blog writer on staff each and every year to stay ahead of the game? That would be one (blogger), which she only made this year after being traded from the Handwritten Diary Writers of America. A GD non-profit club! Someone call Peter Angelos!”
“I like the broad,” said one loyal reader. “I like to see if she’ll write about me after we ‘do stuff’. It makes me feel like a celebrity when I see she’s mentioned me the next day…if she even gets around to blogging that day. She can be a real lazy bitch.” Shim further commented, “Don’t get me wrong though. A lot of this ‘hype’ about thelauralee is based on a perception of her that was formed in October, and the record shows, she isn’t that person all the time. Ha! Her moods shift hourly. Often we have to scroll down her entry and look at the Songs of the Day just to see what kind of mania we’re going to have to deal with as readers that day. It’s not pretty.”
Ultimately of course, thelauralee doesn’t care what her so-called loyal readers think of her, she will get her money (and her black Violent Femmes tee shirt back). It may not be more than $.69, which will be issued to her in a check written by The Dude, but most likely, she’ll get it. But, it will be enough to go out and buy that Wascally Wabbit of her dreams, at least.
The question, though, is whether all this posturing and waiting around has really been worth the aggravation? It has knocked several interesting options off thelauralee’s plate already. And in the end, she could wind up having to choose between a hometown, Gay Pride contract in Baltimore, or a write-or-else paycheck in San Juan.
It will be fascinating to see what road she winds up drunk driving, all right. So until she finally writes this next blog entry, the world will be watching (in between reality shows and episodes of ‘Trading Spaces’ of course).
Oh and by the way…so will a fellow named Roger Clemens.
**********************************************************************
Huh? Whoops…I forgot to change the names of the characters there at the end to keep the private life of bloggers and baseball players a private sanctuary. ;) I think by now you’ve all figured out that I got a lil silly this morning and decided to plagiar-write (its how I get all my material) an article about how I haven’t blogged about our past weekend in NYC yet and posted pictures even though both Heather and Lindsay have BOTH linked to me and put the pressure on so they can do so-called “more important” things like move and work for a living. Losers. So now I suppose I should take time away from playing pool on Yahoo! Games and do it already…good gracious.
A special thanks to ESPN Batboy Extraordinaire (aka columnist), Jason Stark, for providing the opinionated yellow journalism crap he calls reporting in an article regarding the 2004 'pussyfoot' tango Carlos Beltran and Roger Clemens did, while fans waited with baited breath to see if the Houston Astros would continue to suck. So yeah, he provided this article for me to plagiarize and make it about yours truly. It’s better when its about me anyhow, don't you think? Nuts to Beltran and Clemens. Besides, it fit; whether it be blogger.com or the Houston Astros, they are interchangeable when it comes to allowing people like Beltran and thelauralee to use their forum to do dumb shit with no reputability and get a lot of attention for it.
If you have any issues with the content of this article, please contact my agent HERE. She did some good work for me when I sued the Los Angeles Beauty School for not letting me participate in that pageant. Bastards! Also, Amber Frye is a hot MILF and she did pretty ok for her too. The message stays the same, look out ‘people who try to front on me’ or you’ll end up like Scott Peterson or a cross-dressing version of Pete Rose in some bizarre scenarios. All Gloria had to do was refer to Peterson as a “14 carat A-hole’ to have him convicted and sentenced to death. Mere commentary. Tell me that’s not writer's inspiration.
Stay tuned you impatient lil doing-doings, It’s comin…it’s comin…
7 Comments:
Do the Astros still stink? Does your blog stink? I think not, so get to writing so I don't have to!!! :) I thought that was acutally a very clever way of writing your latest entry....you can plaguerize all you want, it works baby!
Astros dont stink. My blog stinks a lot. So do you.
I'll write it manana chica...I promise. ;)
The Astros may not stink but your lack of comments on mine does. I am a comment whore who bases his self worth on it!
I love ya D.L. (Double L). I will never be able to express how fucking awesome I think you are. Thanks for having my back, and loving big. You are the best.
Wow that was sappy. I am going to go get laid now and then watch some sports. Maybe the Astros.
omg you are really too much and too clever for words. lol. fully enjoyed your plaig-writing or whatever you called it. too funny!
you're worth a million bucks babydoll...
ps. i'm so mad at you for that.
I like your new pic HH :) pretty!
awwww thanks sweet tang! glad you rikey.
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