I’ll like totally be Romy, if you are Michelle, like ok? Cuz, the 10 year reunion is like majorly right around the corner gurls! Oh ma gawd, I am like totally flipping out! I have to like totally find something to wear! How about my Severna Park High School gym uniform?! I like totally still have it! Teeeee heeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What is going on with you all?! Yes….I mean YOU Heather H and Heather C and Nicole H and Shauna R and Jessica Shriner (I would be interested to know if she’s enjoying her new last name and the break from writing and correcting: Weizorek) and, if I get one more flippin email from Mary-Alex DUMB-DICKS**, I’m going to get in my Honda Civic (so everyone knows how successful I’ve been) and go down to…wait…let me look on her profile: Alexandria, Virginia, where she works as a…wait…oh, a PROFESSIONAL REUNION ORGANIZER and tell her what I wanted to in high school which was, “Shut up or I am going to slap you. What are you smiling about? Stop wearing argyle sweaters, corduroy shorts, white tights and penny loafers and running for class president every 5 seconds!”
Why on earth are you all in such a rush to get back there?!!! And wtf is Chesapeake Bay Beach Club anyway? What happened to that nice little room we had 5 years ago at Quiet Waters Park…you know when we were all single-ish (cept HH). I’m getting a house ya know? We can have a big party there, and not have to see people like JT Carhart, which by the way replied YES!!!! 2.3 seconds after Dundix posted the invite. What a freakin loser! I won’t charge…wait…again I must check the invite, because it was an atrocious figure I’ve already erased from my memory… $65 MF dollars! What for? There better be a show. And I want it to be like the movie Carrie too, with pig’s blood…and have it fall on all the girls in the homecoming court, 1992-1995. This is insanity. I mean if I had a baby like Heather C is having next weekend (omg are you like totally freaking out Heather?) and a beautiful home (which by the way everyone…breathtaking) and matching fingernail polish to my outfits (always beautiful Heather) and a nice lil marriage that is still intact with someone who did NOT GRADUATE IN THE SAME CLASS, then maybe I would be jazzed up. But my plate is…barren. I’m going to be like this big sad drunk clown there, dancing around like a moron and ordering 2 cape cods at a time (like last time) and then standing at the food table trying to reverse my drunken stupor by eating crab dip from the Main Ingredient with the spouses and dates of my fellow classmates, suspiciously watching Kevin pull up on Allie Adams and Anne Marie Curullo.
Hmmm…that actually makes me wonder which of us has 'rights' to the reunion. We both can’t go…and you will all surely come and kidnap me if I don’t go. I will have to write that 'perk' into our legal agreement. See, now the only reason I want to go is so he can’t go. haha Ok, so I’m going. But if Anne Marie or Allie are there, I can’t promise I won’t challenge them to a violent, naked mud-wrestling challenge. Make that WET SAND wrestling, since the description of Chesapeake BBC says there’s “sand that will make you feel like you are on blissful tropical island” Yes…I am SO sure. So the challenge…whoever wins can have Kevin. hahaha (don’t tell them that really, I’m not wrestling for him, but rather to satisfy my hateful lesbian tendencies and get a good exfoliation out it…sand is good for that). The only one of you yahoos that gets props for not being a reunion nerd is RT. Ryan, I know you are reading…you best get on this comment thingy and help a sista out here. Tell em! ;) Is this really the pathetic solution to the issue that we all don’t get together enough? Ryan, I know I’ve been a crappy friend in visiting and hanging out…bailing out of all your weird, drunken, naked parties, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you! Also, I want my f-ing Wayne’s World VHS back already. It’s been 12 years. I hardly think you earned it IF you know what I mean ;) (EXTREEEEME CLOSE UP!!!!)
I’m being a negative bitch…I know. For all of you non-gay movie loving people reading this, the title of today’s blog is a reference to one of the cheesiest movies ever made about high school stuff, and right up there in my list of favs with Clueless, and that is Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion. They have to go back to their 10 year reunion and they haven’t really done anything with their lives so they decide to put on this big façade where they are sexy, rich, professional singles who had really accomplished “something”. Michelle (played by Lisa Kudrow) decides that she’s going to tell everyone that she invented the special glue that is used in Post-it Notes, therefore, she invented Post-its. SO when we go to the reunion, could I have invented….mmm…let’s saaaaaay…KY Warming Liquid? I mean I know there was always KY, but we could say I started working for them and invented that and had to test it out on strangers for the better part of 10 years and got a raging case of carpal tunnel syndrome from years toiling at the “KY Experimental Hand-Job Proving Grounds” but after some surgery and a hell of an ad campaign (also developed by me) I am now the most lubricated and financially sound graduating member of the class of 1995! Woopie! I’m Jeanine Garafalo’s character (quick burning cigarette paper = KY Warming Gel, without the whole awkward cowboy attraction thing)
This blog is basically to tell you thanks for all your countless emails and reminders…I don’t think I’ll soon forget. It’s really a buzzin on those reunion sites. This morning I was prompted by 5 emails from different reunion sites Dumb-dicks** is using that ultimately direct you to go to Severna Park High School’s website and it was thrilling I tell you. How in the sam hell did I get a profile on there and why does it say Laura Anderson? I never adopted that surname! And HH, did you put your picture up on there? What have you losers been up to for the last 10 years? Even Kevin has a profile and when I clicked on his marital status (I was just curious to see if he was practicing bigamy), it said I had to pay $40 with Paypal to join and find out. Well mystery over! I don’t THINK so! Homey don’t play that! Well anyway—thanks. I’ll think on it. I won’t have a date, a job or a life come this summer, but maybe if I am thin…I will go. haha Lind-sex-ay, tell Jessica thanks for passing the info on about the reunion to me, through you…but I am WELLLLL covered. I wish you could see my inbox. Did y’all catch that sweet little message from Nancy Holland on the bulletin board? Awwww lil Nacy was so weird and Asian. I bet her “shtoree” is that she wrote and developed the most technologically advanced website on the net: Engrish.com I wonder if her date will be Joey Ganz.
Ok...I think I’ve sufficiently and maliciously slandered a large and innocent percentage of the class of 1995, so that’s my cue. I might squeeze out a blog again later…this was just a Renunirant. Sorry…still a donkey on the edge here :(
Jeanna…I know you feel left out, so I wanted to tell you that today, I am wearing my new purple gimp bracelet you made for me. It’s sparkly. I likey! Thanks :) I am also wearing the same outfit I wore to the decomp where I was affectionately named “Dumpster Girl” thereafter. I might tell that story in the next blog so everyone knows that last week was not the first time I’d been accused of hanging out in dumpsters.
Ok, ttfn, reunion losers.
LYLAS,
Licky Lee
**Mary-Alex Dundix = Class president 1995 (along with some gay guy named Ken right?)
Songs of the Morning:
Time After Time – Cyndi Lauper (can we do a dance routine to this song at the reunion like R&M did?)
Turing Japanese – The Vapors
Heaven is a Place on Earth – Belinda Carlisle
Oh What a Night– Frankie Valli (ONLY SPHS idiots would make their graduation song one that sings about a one-night stand…“you know I didn’t even know her name…but I was neva gonna be the same…what a ladeee what a night!” It should have been: Rich Girl by Hall & Oats
PS: (whatever happened to PS’s?) HH, your niece is too cute! I am procrastinating on preparing for this big meeting I have tomorrow like mofo, but I read almost her entire little blog! haha And I thought MY blog was full of ridiculous inside jokes! She and I are like, totally sharing like a brain! ;) Gosh, can you believe we used to be that cute and annoyingly carefree in high school? And we thought our issues were such a big deal then. I noticed that Outback Red, Tretorns, Unit Belts, G&S bracelets, Chuck Taylors with lil pacifier charms on the shoe laces and JAMZ aren’t in style anymore…check…I will have to follow her blog for the fashion trends. Anyway, she’s too cute, I can hardly believe that’s your lil Meg! Teenagers…ahhhhh…
PPS: someone made hotdogs in my office and it smells like hog. I want to yack.
What is going on with you all?! Yes….I mean YOU Heather H and Heather C and Nicole H and Shauna R and Jessica Shriner (I would be interested to know if she’s enjoying her new last name and the break from writing and correcting: Weizorek) and, if I get one more flippin email from Mary-Alex DUMB-DICKS**, I’m going to get in my Honda Civic (so everyone knows how successful I’ve been) and go down to…wait…let me look on her profile: Alexandria, Virginia, where she works as a…wait…oh, a PROFESSIONAL REUNION ORGANIZER and tell her what I wanted to in high school which was, “Shut up or I am going to slap you. What are you smiling about? Stop wearing argyle sweaters, corduroy shorts, white tights and penny loafers and running for class president every 5 seconds!”
Why on earth are you all in such a rush to get back there?!!! And wtf is Chesapeake Bay Beach Club anyway? What happened to that nice little room we had 5 years ago at Quiet Waters Park…you know when we were all single-ish (cept HH). I’m getting a house ya know? We can have a big party there, and not have to see people like JT Carhart, which by the way replied YES!!!! 2.3 seconds after Dundix posted the invite. What a freakin loser! I won’t charge…wait…again I must check the invite, because it was an atrocious figure I’ve already erased from my memory… $65 MF dollars! What for? There better be a show. And I want it to be like the movie Carrie too, with pig’s blood…and have it fall on all the girls in the homecoming court, 1992-1995. This is insanity. I mean if I had a baby like Heather C is having next weekend (omg are you like totally freaking out Heather?) and a beautiful home (which by the way everyone…breathtaking) and matching fingernail polish to my outfits (always beautiful Heather) and a nice lil marriage that is still intact with someone who did NOT GRADUATE IN THE SAME CLASS, then maybe I would be jazzed up. But my plate is…barren. I’m going to be like this big sad drunk clown there, dancing around like a moron and ordering 2 cape cods at a time (like last time) and then standing at the food table trying to reverse my drunken stupor by eating crab dip from the Main Ingredient with the spouses and dates of my fellow classmates, suspiciously watching Kevin pull up on Allie Adams and Anne Marie Curullo.
Hmmm…that actually makes me wonder which of us has 'rights' to the reunion. We both can’t go…and you will all surely come and kidnap me if I don’t go. I will have to write that 'perk' into our legal agreement. See, now the only reason I want to go is so he can’t go. haha Ok, so I’m going. But if Anne Marie or Allie are there, I can’t promise I won’t challenge them to a violent, naked mud-wrestling challenge. Make that WET SAND wrestling, since the description of Chesapeake BBC says there’s “sand that will make you feel like you are on blissful tropical island” Yes…I am SO sure. So the challenge…whoever wins can have Kevin. hahaha (don’t tell them that really, I’m not wrestling for him, but rather to satisfy my hateful lesbian tendencies and get a good exfoliation out it…sand is good for that). The only one of you yahoos that gets props for not being a reunion nerd is RT. Ryan, I know you are reading…you best get on this comment thingy and help a sista out here. Tell em! ;) Is this really the pathetic solution to the issue that we all don’t get together enough? Ryan, I know I’ve been a crappy friend in visiting and hanging out…bailing out of all your weird, drunken, naked parties, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you! Also, I want my f-ing Wayne’s World VHS back already. It’s been 12 years. I hardly think you earned it IF you know what I mean ;) (EXTREEEEME CLOSE UP!!!!)
I’m being a negative bitch…I know. For all of you non-gay movie loving people reading this, the title of today’s blog is a reference to one of the cheesiest movies ever made about high school stuff, and right up there in my list of favs with Clueless, and that is Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion. They have to go back to their 10 year reunion and they haven’t really done anything with their lives so they decide to put on this big façade where they are sexy, rich, professional singles who had really accomplished “something”. Michelle (played by Lisa Kudrow) decides that she’s going to tell everyone that she invented the special glue that is used in Post-it Notes, therefore, she invented Post-its. SO when we go to the reunion, could I have invented….mmm…let’s saaaaaay…KY Warming Liquid? I mean I know there was always KY, but we could say I started working for them and invented that and had to test it out on strangers for the better part of 10 years and got a raging case of carpal tunnel syndrome from years toiling at the “KY Experimental Hand-Job Proving Grounds” but after some surgery and a hell of an ad campaign (also developed by me) I am now the most lubricated and financially sound graduating member of the class of 1995! Woopie! I’m Jeanine Garafalo’s character (quick burning cigarette paper = KY Warming Gel, without the whole awkward cowboy attraction thing)
This blog is basically to tell you thanks for all your countless emails and reminders…I don’t think I’ll soon forget. It’s really a buzzin on those reunion sites. This morning I was prompted by 5 emails from different reunion sites Dumb-dicks** is using that ultimately direct you to go to Severna Park High School’s website and it was thrilling I tell you. How in the sam hell did I get a profile on there and why does it say Laura Anderson? I never adopted that surname! And HH, did you put your picture up on there? What have you losers been up to for the last 10 years? Even Kevin has a profile and when I clicked on his marital status (I was just curious to see if he was practicing bigamy), it said I had to pay $40 with Paypal to join and find out. Well mystery over! I don’t THINK so! Homey don’t play that! Well anyway—thanks. I’ll think on it. I won’t have a date, a job or a life come this summer, but maybe if I am thin…I will go. haha Lind-sex-ay, tell Jessica thanks for passing the info on about the reunion to me, through you…but I am WELLLLL covered. I wish you could see my inbox. Did y’all catch that sweet little message from Nancy Holland on the bulletin board? Awwww lil Nacy was so weird and Asian. I bet her “shtoree” is that she wrote and developed the most technologically advanced website on the net: Engrish.com I wonder if her date will be Joey Ganz.
Ok...I think I’ve sufficiently and maliciously slandered a large and innocent percentage of the class of 1995, so that’s my cue. I might squeeze out a blog again later…this was just a Renunirant. Sorry…still a donkey on the edge here :(
Jeanna…I know you feel left out, so I wanted to tell you that today, I am wearing my new purple gimp bracelet you made for me. It’s sparkly. I likey! Thanks :) I am also wearing the same outfit I wore to the decomp where I was affectionately named “Dumpster Girl” thereafter. I might tell that story in the next blog so everyone knows that last week was not the first time I’d been accused of hanging out in dumpsters.
Ok, ttfn, reunion losers.
LYLAS,
Licky Lee
**Mary-Alex Dundix = Class president 1995 (along with some gay guy named Ken right?)
Songs of the Morning:
Time After Time – Cyndi Lauper (can we do a dance routine to this song at the reunion like R&M did?)
Turing Japanese – The Vapors
Heaven is a Place on Earth – Belinda Carlisle
Oh What a Night– Frankie Valli (ONLY SPHS idiots would make their graduation song one that sings about a one-night stand…“you know I didn’t even know her name…but I was neva gonna be the same…what a ladeee what a night!” It should have been: Rich Girl by Hall & Oats
PS: (whatever happened to PS’s?) HH, your niece is too cute! I am procrastinating on preparing for this big meeting I have tomorrow like mofo, but I read almost her entire little blog! haha And I thought MY blog was full of ridiculous inside jokes! She and I are like, totally sharing like a brain! ;) Gosh, can you believe we used to be that cute and annoyingly carefree in high school? And we thought our issues were such a big deal then. I noticed that Outback Red, Tretorns, Unit Belts, G&S bracelets, Chuck Taylors with lil pacifier charms on the shoe laces and JAMZ aren’t in style anymore…check…I will have to follow her blog for the fashion trends. Anyway, she’s too cute, I can hardly believe that’s your lil Meg! Teenagers…ahhhhh…
PPS: someone made hotdogs in my office and it smells like hog. I want to yack.
5 Comments:
I checked out your alumni page, that mascot is scary! I wouldn't go to the reunion --that creature might come out and bite something.
WOAH! who let crazy, mean, yet FREAKIN hilarious Laura out of the cage today!? hehe. Way to rag on every single weirdo and retard in our class. You failed to mention GAY RAY tho, who showed up at the 5-er as a woman. Though, really, he didnt quite get "Most Changed", he got "Tried to Change the Most" as it was really just him...with long hair and makeup in a skirt. And there are other names for people like that. And it aint WOMAN. heh.
Anyway, you are on FIRE girl! i laughed my ass off. I am so with you on the whole plate being empty thing. "Yes, I live in Manhattan, have a posh office on Madison Avenue with a window and terrace but I'm separated and emotionally unstable and really unhappy. Or so my therapist says." Um, yeah, REALLY lookin' forward to it, thanks M.A.D.! Though, she must have the hots for you Laura bc I'm not getting many emails from her since the announcement came out...she probably just knows that no reunion is a party without the LL.
you know, our mascot, as Jer (whoever that is) so kindly pointed out reminds me of a jack handey deep thought:
"Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what IS that thing?!" HAHAHAHAH love that!
goooooOOOOO FALCONS! (clap, clap!)
What can I say for myself? I'm your typical abuser...when I am angry hurt and sad, I take it out on the less fortunate. It's the only way I can really feel important. Though, I wouldn’t really consider M.A. DUMB-DITZ (there is that better?) less fortunate, ma dear. The Nancy Hollad and Joey Ganz thing was a bit over the top though. I so sawree Nanceee...me love you long time! And Joey...you don’t look like Gonzo from the Muppets and you don't make sweet love to animals...specifically chickens...I was just masking my fetish for animal lovin behind insecure chastising. I'm deeply sorry. I will dance with you at the reunion to make up for it and make lift your big thick bottle glasses and kiss you’re sweet cheek. Try not to have a tantrum and punch your backpack though please. Maybe we can have a three way with a chicken...opps I mean with Nancy. (side note—you watch—Joe G will prolly come back all hot and successful n’ stuff and I will be this huge loser…as opposed to the huge loser I was in high school of course.)
Oh darn it...I was going to be apologetic and solemn in this comment. Shucks.
Everybody write things that will cheer me up in comments will ya? I'm so sad and broken-hearted today...I need a pick -me up. The Gay Ray thing was pretty good...I peed a lil…keep up the good work!
I like to call my 1993 10 high school class reunion the "I've-peaked-and-I'm-kidding-myself" party.
Chant with me:
Be Aggressive! Be Aggressive!
B-E-AGG-R-E-SS-I-V-E... I say.. Be Agressive. Ahh... I remember those chants! Good times. Good times. I'm such a nerd.
My SPHS 10 year reunion was held at the Chartwell Country Club. One student years ago pushed someone's car into the club's pool. I can't believe they let SPHS have any funtion there. The students terriozed the Country Club and golf course.
Anyway, Class of 93 was $110 a couple (with open bar). The music was all late 80's and early 90's. The food average (finger food), and the people still hung out in the same cliques. That was weird, but most people hadn't left the area.
But I did see a high school rival there (A.E.), and she and I ended up becoming very friendly at the reunion, and actually liked each other as adults and ended up being in contact with each other after the reunion. That felt great. Too bad I missed out on being her friend in high school
Change of direction:
I keep thinking of the very profound and underated movie, "Gross Pointe Blank" when John Cusak's character meets up with his old high-school bully/rival and says something to the effect of, "What's up man? You think we have history? We have some unkempt pent up aggression?" and then the drunk guy reads a poem. Great movie....10 YEARS! 10 YEARS MAN!
Anyway.. You'll all have fun!!!
LYLAS & WBL (write back later)
Nikki
Party Hardy, Rock-n-Roll,
Drink Bacardi, Smoke a bowl,
Love is fun, Sex is free,
We're the class of '93!!!
OOHHHhhh!!! I'm sooo happy you're wearing the bracelet I made (because I have waaaay tooo much time on my handz) just for you. You must wear it everyday for it will bring you good luck my little grasshopper. Oh if you like I would love to be your date for your reunion (I'll fuck up who ever you want too) or I can lone Big Daddy out for a small fee, lol.
Love, TheLauraLee #1 fan,
Jeanna
Post a Comment
<< Home