Hey, ya know when you’re about to go on a trip where you’ll be in the car for long time, or maybe at an amusement park all day or hiking or something (cuz I hike a lot in my spare time) and you know you probably won’t have access to a bathroom for awhile, and so you should probably get all your “business” done forcibly while you still have a flushable toilet with no line…but you really don’t have to go, but know that if you just really concentrated for like 5 minutes, you could, maybe? Well…the fruit of that labor is my blog entry today. As is the process by which it was produced. I just don’t have much to write about today and I screwed off all day acting all goo-goo and now, it’s 5pm and I gotta hurry my arse outta here so I can tear it up and get crazy-whack-funky at happy hour! So I’m gonna go ahead and try and squirt this one out real quick before I go hiking. Or drinking…whichever you prefer. Jogging even…
First off, I’d like to dedicate this special edition blog to a phantasmagoric person...a person who is so sexy and sweet and reliable and so hilarious and warms my heart and listens to all my stories and reciprocates with equally awesome anecdotes and tidbits of gossip. This person is the light of my life (today) and helped me out recently in such a major way, I feel the need to send out this love song and dedication to that special someone. I bet you think it’s you don’t you? You’re all like, “omg, she means me, I know it!” Well yes, you are all special and all of the above is true about you too, to a certain extent that I shall not reveal until I pass into the next realm and you have to hear it from my estate lawyer in my last will and testament. Don’t worry I will make it comical. Probably like a scavenger hunt or a haiku or something…I dunno, still working on that idea. Ok, back on topic A.D.D. girl!!! Today’s lucky number is: 696969696969! That’s right, it’s you HEATHER HOLLEY! Wooo hooo! Tell her what she’s won…
My eternal love and affection and adoration and I think she’s a friggin techie genius and she looks hot as hell when she’s doin it (helping me I mean). My laptop was frigid last night, my friends. I tried to turn him on, and he wasn’t having any parts of it. Typical night for Laura…shot down again. Now I got a raging case of blue ovaries. owww! So yeah, I’m pressing the power button and nada. So I press it real hard, cuz that makes sense. So then I press it down so hard and hold it until the tip of my finger is white and bent at an unnatural angle and the rest of it is blood red (it still hurts, and it’s my ‘special finger’ so that sucks) and nothing. So I threw a fit. STILL NOTHING! I mean I especially thought that would work. But not :( So I knew the only possible thing to do was to bring it to work today and make it someone else’s problem, mainly Heather, since she solves all my problems. It’s a tough job, quite the tribulation hodgepodge, but it keeps her busy (she gets really bored, what with no friends and that BO problem…pyeww). So long story short, I ask her to help me fix it and she immediately knows the problem and all the solutions and gives it to me in that slow, overly elaborated way, similar to a step-by-step process one might use to explain to a 5 year old how to tie her shoe. So after our “loop, swoop and pull” tutorial, damn if that bitch didn’t start right up! (the laptop, not HB) So Heather, you are a gift straight from Allah and I kneel 5 times a day (facing New York City of course) and praise you. MWHHAA!!! Thank you sweetie! Another gross display of twenty-something tantrums narrowly avoided thanks to you again. Now everyone, tell her how much you love her. Go on…tell her!
Ok that’s all I got. “Annnnnd I’m spent!” (Austin Powers…yeaaaah baby!) I just wanted to thank the Bails for her act of heroism today. You all know how technologically retarded I can get. Heather also taught me how to write the HTML code for this blog, and I threw two huge gigantic fits during the tedious process that she also quelled. I yelled, “ I f*cking quit! Blogs are dumb! I’M DUMB!” to which she responded, “noooo…calm down sweetie, you’re not quitting, you’re not dumb…ok, now…loooooop…swooooop…and PULL!” ;)
So yeahhhhh…my reputation precedes me always with electronics. Case in point:
“I’ont know quite how ta say dis hon, but we ain’t got no DVD!”
You guys know what I’m talkin about…
Ok…off to beergoggle! tee hee... Bye kids!
Things I Am Thankful for Today:
Heather
Instant messenger
Heather!!!
(Yeah…you saw it…twice. ;) Speaking of seeing double, I gotta get out of here!)
Songs of The Day:
Shout – Tears for Fears (shout! shout! let it all out!)
Baby’s Got a Temper – Prodigy
Wind Beneath My Wings – Heather…whoops I mean Bette Midler
Me STILL Soooo Horny – combination of The Laura Lee and 2 Live Crew
Shake Ya Rump – Beastie Boys ;)
First off, I’d like to dedicate this special edition blog to a phantasmagoric person...a person who is so sexy and sweet and reliable and so hilarious and warms my heart and listens to all my stories and reciprocates with equally awesome anecdotes and tidbits of gossip. This person is the light of my life (today) and helped me out recently in such a major way, I feel the need to send out this love song and dedication to that special someone. I bet you think it’s you don’t you? You’re all like, “omg, she means me, I know it!” Well yes, you are all special and all of the above is true about you too, to a certain extent that I shall not reveal until I pass into the next realm and you have to hear it from my estate lawyer in my last will and testament. Don’t worry I will make it comical. Probably like a scavenger hunt or a haiku or something…I dunno, still working on that idea. Ok, back on topic A.D.D. girl!!! Today’s lucky number is: 696969696969! That’s right, it’s you HEATHER HOLLEY! Wooo hooo! Tell her what she’s won…
My eternal love and affection and adoration and I think she’s a friggin techie genius and she looks hot as hell when she’s doin it (helping me I mean). My laptop was frigid last night, my friends. I tried to turn him on, and he wasn’t having any parts of it. Typical night for Laura…shot down again. Now I got a raging case of blue ovaries. owww! So yeah, I’m pressing the power button and nada. So I press it real hard, cuz that makes sense. So then I press it down so hard and hold it until the tip of my finger is white and bent at an unnatural angle and the rest of it is blood red (it still hurts, and it’s my ‘special finger’ so that sucks) and nothing. So I threw a fit. STILL NOTHING! I mean I especially thought that would work. But not :( So I knew the only possible thing to do was to bring it to work today and make it someone else’s problem, mainly Heather, since she solves all my problems. It’s a tough job, quite the tribulation hodgepodge, but it keeps her busy (she gets really bored, what with no friends and that BO problem…pyeww). So long story short, I ask her to help me fix it and she immediately knows the problem and all the solutions and gives it to me in that slow, overly elaborated way, similar to a step-by-step process one might use to explain to a 5 year old how to tie her shoe. So after our “loop, swoop and pull” tutorial, damn if that bitch didn’t start right up! (the laptop, not HB) So Heather, you are a gift straight from Allah and I kneel 5 times a day (facing New York City of course) and praise you. MWHHAA!!! Thank you sweetie! Another gross display of twenty-something tantrums narrowly avoided thanks to you again. Now everyone, tell her how much you love her. Go on…tell her!
Ok that’s all I got. “Annnnnd I’m spent!” (Austin Powers…yeaaaah baby!) I just wanted to thank the Bails for her act of heroism today. You all know how technologically retarded I can get. Heather also taught me how to write the HTML code for this blog, and I threw two huge gigantic fits during the tedious process that she also quelled. I yelled, “ I f*cking quit! Blogs are dumb! I’M DUMB!” to which she responded, “noooo…calm down sweetie, you’re not quitting, you’re not dumb…ok, now…loooooop…swooooop…and PULL!” ;)
So yeahhhhh…my reputation precedes me always with electronics. Case in point:
“I’ont know quite how ta say dis hon, but we ain’t got no DVD!”
You guys know what I’m talkin about…
Ok…off to beergoggle! tee hee... Bye kids!
Things I Am Thankful for Today:
Heather
Instant messenger
Heather!!!
(Yeah…you saw it…twice. ;) Speaking of seeing double, I gotta get out of here!)
Songs of The Day:
Shout – Tears for Fears (shout! shout! let it all out!)
Baby’s Got a Temper – Prodigy
Wind Beneath My Wings – Heather…whoops I mean Bette Midler
Me STILL Soooo Horny – combination of The Laura Lee and 2 Live Crew
Shake Ya Rump – Beastie Boys ;)
6 Comments:
awwww you are too sweet hon! you knowz i'onna do everthin in ma power ta help youz hon! with them therz newfangled musheens an' shit. ahhhh luuuurve youz tooooo! muwah!
My god! Marry this girl. That's almost legal isn't it?
Can your next post be about me? Can you talk about how I'm even more technologically retarded than you and that I can't help you out at all with stuff? Oh oh and can you also mention that when you come to me with problems, I only create more problems for you?? Oh if you could dedicate that to me, I would feel honored. Love you- and HB- you rock- you are my american idol. :)
Back the subject in the first paragraph: Hiking. I would like to share a little memory with all of you bloggers. Once, Laura & I went hiking with Schwes* and our best friend Whay** to Great Falls, VA which overlooks the Potomac River. It’s very rocky with a lot of cliffs. It was a HOT, humid day. And as reminder for those non-hikers, there are no convenience stores or bathrooms on hiking trails. This fact has eluded us on this particular day.
So, the 4 of us decide to bring food with us. What did we bring for staples? Granola? Bottled water? No… we carry a couple bottles of wine, serving utensils, ice packs, grapes, imported cheese and Carr’s crackers, etc… First of all, bottles of wine are HEAVY when you are hiking around cliffs over looking a river. I kept thinking, if I slip and fall into the river, my first thought was, “I don’t want to break the wine bottles.” Second thought, my friends will probably grab my backpack to save the wine before they grab me.
As the 4 of us are standing on these huge rocks overlooking the Potomac River, Schwes’ two large Cappuccinos hit her like Dumb and Dumber. She has to shat right now! Since there was no where to "go"… Whay, Laura & I leave the rocks to give Schwes some privacy even though she’s perched at the top of the rock like scene from the Lion King (when they are on top of the rock over looking the rest of the animal kingdom). As Schwes rejoins our group, other (serious) hikers make their way up to the cliff where Schwes had just defecated. I’m sure that made their day. I can imagine the serious hikers conversation, “Here are some deer prints, over here is a raccoons hide-out . Over here, we have a monarch butterfly”. And “Oh MY GOD! This is unbelievable we are looking at feces from Clathria basilana also known as: SASQUATCH!” “RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!” Yes… I love you Schwes, but your BM’s are legendary.
(As a side note: at least you’re not as bad and State Circle Dave. His mother keeps a wooden spoon by the toilet to break up his very large BM so the toilet can flush. I hope I never give birth to a son.)
So, there were many other weird happens that day – like when we get separated by a gigantic snake blocking our path. Whay & I had to go down and walk through the water and Schwes and Laura had to go up the side of the little mountain, more detail on that later. I’ll just say, there was a lot of girly screaming.
Morale(s) of the story:1.) Don’t drink a lot of coffee before you go hiking.
2.) Bring bottled water instead of wine if you are going hiking on the hottest day of the year.
3.) 4 snobs hiking produce a major amount of whining.
Happy Hiking!
Sticky Nikki
*Schwes = short for Schwester which is German for Sister.
* Whay = white gay (thanks, Laura)
I have to go home and change my pants. I've peed in them. That was so hilarious...I was at one point kicking my feet and banging my desk, gasping for air. Quite the spectacle. Yeah, I was there, but I dont think that's why I was laughing so hard. It was a blog waitin to happen. Next, I want you to write the story of the Halloween party we went to where we collectively destroyed that guys house...just the 4 of us and Troy went as Anne Toinette and...the leave blower...etc. TELL IT!
Nikki, you are such the comedian Every minute spent with you, I feel like I should be paying some sort of "happy fee". You're boyfriends say the same thing ;)
Don't act like we won't keep a wooden spoon near the toilet in our house too...whether SC Dave and Gretch visit or not. I am sure she will be so pleased to see that story on my blog. I know I am! Ahhhh...good times!
PS: did we even drink the wine? didn't we just get sick of hiking and drove to a restaurant?
Ok - I'll tell the Halloween story on my blog page. But it's really going to take a LONG time to write. I'll get started and hopefully will have it posted sometime in the next week. I wish I had pictures!
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