I made it in to work today. Shaaawing! Plus everyone thinks I am sick so they are steering clear of my cage...kewl.
So this is the part where I explain the title of today's blogsterpiece. Last night, as those of you who are faithful followers of my new cult know, I went to my Dad's house. It was for a period of time, there were people there, stuff happened, I went home (see? working on brevity) As I'm driving down the road he lives on, which is very winding and dark, I decide to pop a little Chicago into the cd player for the ride home, and as I look up from fiddling with the player, I see something small moving out in front of my car and then, under my car, and then my car didnt stop (damn car) and I feel this little 'boooomp'. Just a lil one though. I am like, "Oh great. This day just would not be complete unless I killed something." So I stop, look behind me, and I cant see a thing, too dark. So I exit the vehicle to get a better look. I never said I was a smart girl. As I walk towards the back of my car, about 12 feet in front of me is a raccoon, and a small one at that, and he's standing there looking at me. So I do the most sensible thing I can do at that point which is apologize. "Sorry." As I am realizing I might be insane for talking to a raccoon, he actually seems satisfied with my remorse and starts to hobble over towards the woods, but not before giving me a look of utter disdain and flipping me the bird, which I could have imagined or it could have been that his little paw was shattered and was stuck up like that permanently. In the words of JD McNugent (Jack Black) in Saving Silverman, "I am so a killer! One time I hit a [raccoon] with my car and he didn't die right then, but I'm pretty sure he died later!" Yes, I will quote one movie per blog and sometimes two if I am feeling saucy. The film industry thanks me, even if you don't.
So I am a vicious, careless, heartless, and at times- rather ostentatious, innocent-animal killer and just all around foul human being. ON THAT NOTE, I am however a really great big sister :) The girls are more precious than ever, so sweet and laughing all the time and smiling. I am trying to figure out how to post a picture on here of me with them last night so you can see.
They have so much hair now, there is no doubt in my mind they are Lee's ;) The old man was fiddlin around on the guitar and we were singing with the babes, and he started to play Baby Mine, the song from Dumbo, and told me he was learning it for the girls as a birthday gift. Those of you who remember sobbing as a preschooler as Dumbo's mom rocked him to sleep to that song with just her trunk because she was in a different circus car and separated from her baby, know what I'm talkin bout here (sniff, sniff). I'm a sap.
I have heartburn today though, from the hot ass-fire lettuce wraps my dad made for dinner last night! HHAWW!!! I thought it was heartbreak, but turns out it's just heartburn, so we're all good ;) He's an excellent cook, much like a brown, hairy version of Julia Child without the hump on her back, just more hair. You know this man is so hairy that when he goes scuba diving, all the lil tropical fish swim up and nest in his bodily hair. Just kinda get in there and party. Also, he has major issues with hungry little fish quickly coming up and biting his nipples. Haha It's hilarious, but to hear him tell you, you would think they were pirhana, it's so painful and humiliating (fun to watch though). In fact I believe he has to wear band-aids on his nipples when diving now as a protective layer. I would think with all that hair, the band-aid removal would in fact be more painful than the nipple biting, but then again I kinda like a lil nipple bitin, so my opinion may be a bit skewed. Ewwwww, I can't believe I said that in the same paragraph as I was talking about my Dad's nipples! Sick I tell you! Anyway...I digress.
So had me some lettuce wraps, some baby lovin, a glass of Merlot, a good cry and got me a coon skin cap stuck to ma back wheel hon! Nothing else to report today as of yet, besides the fact that the owner of the Curves that I frequent called me and asked me if I would be interested in working some evenings there, that she'd heard great things about me and has seen my awesome progress chart and that I am oooooh so fine, and let's face it, I am! So yeah, I think I might become a Linthi-scum Curvette trainer for shizzle. Free membership. Sweet!
Black History Month Resolutions:
1) shorter blogs.
2) learn more about black people. especially blays.
Know anyone who can help me learn more about those a few shades darker than I and still teach me about the wonders of blaydome? I'm thinking of someone...but it's dark...much like the back seat of Lindsay's car: Nick? Nick?! I can't see you! Wher'd you go...ohhhh there you are (as interior light comes on) ;)
Sean-Tom, I do believe I am going to high-jack your idea about listing songs of the day at the end of your blog even though you are a traitorous fool and shockingly turned on me and the Dave-man for Hagar. I mean, yes, 5150 is a surprisingly good album, but enough to turn you to the dark side of Van Halen? uh uh...I'm going to have to rethink this friendship ;) While doing that I still reserve the right to emulate you so here it goes...
Songs of the Day:
Anna Begins - Counting Crows (could this convey the current state of discourse in my love life any better?)
Psycho [raccoon] Killer - Talking Heads
She's A Bad Mama Jama (with curves that won't quit) - Parliament (new job at Curves)
Baby Mine - Dumbo
So this is the part where I explain the title of today's blogsterpiece. Last night, as those of you who are faithful followers of my new cult know, I went to my Dad's house. It was for a period of time, there were people there, stuff happened, I went home (see? working on brevity) As I'm driving down the road he lives on, which is very winding and dark, I decide to pop a little Chicago into the cd player for the ride home, and as I look up from fiddling with the player, I see something small moving out in front of my car and then, under my car, and then my car didnt stop (damn car) and I feel this little 'boooomp'. Just a lil one though. I am like, "Oh great. This day just would not be complete unless I killed something." So I stop, look behind me, and I cant see a thing, too dark. So I exit the vehicle to get a better look. I never said I was a smart girl. As I walk towards the back of my car, about 12 feet in front of me is a raccoon, and a small one at that, and he's standing there looking at me. So I do the most sensible thing I can do at that point which is apologize. "Sorry." As I am realizing I might be insane for talking to a raccoon, he actually seems satisfied with my remorse and starts to hobble over towards the woods, but not before giving me a look of utter disdain and flipping me the bird, which I could have imagined or it could have been that his little paw was shattered and was stuck up like that permanently. In the words of JD McNugent (Jack Black) in Saving Silverman, "I am so a killer! One time I hit a [raccoon] with my car and he didn't die right then, but I'm pretty sure he died later!" Yes, I will quote one movie per blog and sometimes two if I am feeling saucy. The film industry thanks me, even if you don't.
So I am a vicious, careless, heartless, and at times- rather ostentatious, innocent-animal killer and just all around foul human being. ON THAT NOTE, I am however a really great big sister :) The girls are more precious than ever, so sweet and laughing all the time and smiling. I am trying to figure out how to post a picture on here of me with them last night so you can see.
They have so much hair now, there is no doubt in my mind they are Lee's ;) The old man was fiddlin around on the guitar and we were singing with the babes, and he started to play Baby Mine, the song from Dumbo, and told me he was learning it for the girls as a birthday gift. Those of you who remember sobbing as a preschooler as Dumbo's mom rocked him to sleep to that song with just her trunk because she was in a different circus car and separated from her baby, know what I'm talkin bout here (sniff, sniff). I'm a sap.
I have heartburn today though, from the hot ass-fire lettuce wraps my dad made for dinner last night! HHAWW!!! I thought it was heartbreak, but turns out it's just heartburn, so we're all good ;) He's an excellent cook, much like a brown, hairy version of Julia Child without the hump on her back, just more hair. You know this man is so hairy that when he goes scuba diving, all the lil tropical fish swim up and nest in his bodily hair. Just kinda get in there and party. Also, he has major issues with hungry little fish quickly coming up and biting his nipples. Haha It's hilarious, but to hear him tell you, you would think they were pirhana, it's so painful and humiliating (fun to watch though). In fact I believe he has to wear band-aids on his nipples when diving now as a protective layer. I would think with all that hair, the band-aid removal would in fact be more painful than the nipple biting, but then again I kinda like a lil nipple bitin, so my opinion may be a bit skewed. Ewwwww, I can't believe I said that in the same paragraph as I was talking about my Dad's nipples! Sick I tell you! Anyway...I digress.
So had me some lettuce wraps, some baby lovin, a glass of Merlot, a good cry and got me a coon skin cap stuck to ma back wheel hon! Nothing else to report today as of yet, besides the fact that the owner of the Curves that I frequent called me and asked me if I would be interested in working some evenings there, that she'd heard great things about me and has seen my awesome progress chart and that I am oooooh so fine, and let's face it, I am! So yeah, I think I might become a Linthi-scum Curvette trainer for shizzle. Free membership. Sweet!
Black History Month Resolutions:
1) shorter blogs.
2) learn more about black people. especially blays.
Know anyone who can help me learn more about those a few shades darker than I and still teach me about the wonders of blaydome? I'm thinking of someone...but it's dark...much like the back seat of Lindsay's car: Nick? Nick?! I can't see you! Wher'd you go...ohhhh there you are (as interior light comes on) ;)
Sean-Tom, I do believe I am going to high-jack your idea about listing songs of the day at the end of your blog even though you are a traitorous fool and shockingly turned on me and the Dave-man for Hagar. I mean, yes, 5150 is a surprisingly good album, but enough to turn you to the dark side of Van Halen? uh uh...I'm going to have to rethink this friendship ;) While doing that I still reserve the right to emulate you so here it goes...
Songs of the Day:
Anna Begins - Counting Crows (could this convey the current state of discourse in my love life any better?)
Psycho [raccoon] Killer - Talking Heads
She's A Bad Mama Jama (with curves that won't quit) - Parliament (new job at Curves)
Baby Mine - Dumbo
2 Comments:
The Dark side?!? I now invite you to go drinking and driving with me, a little "Dreams" blaring out the speakers down 95 at HB speeds.Actually, we can scratch the drinking and the speed analogy now that I think about it. haha. Seriously though, you need to come to the dark side, give in to your hate.......ummm, sorry, some geek just quoted that stuff to me, howl at the moon with me a little bit and let that Sammy positivity seep in. It'll cure wot ails you. And LL, we both know the moment when I became a fan. Somebody had an effect on me and I am changed. "jaimes been in love before" don't hold nothing to "baby dry your eyes, save all the tears you've cried". Laura.....that's what dreams are made of babe. And that person with the effect.....it was, umm, Michael Anthony and his sweet, sweet backing vocals. Nobody else....shut up.
and ya could have posted the message to me on my blog.........show the love.Damn!
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