Before we get onto today’s topic, Patience, (and every time I say that word, you have to scream real loud like on on Pee Wees Playhouse when they would say the magic word of the day), let’s have a joke shall we?
What’s brown and hides in the attic?............
The diarrhea of Anne Frank!
See Lindsay? You knew I would eventually represent da jews with my mockery sooner or later. I’m coming off the Blay kick and even the monkey kick. Sorry Blay. It’s Whew’s turn and you’re just going to have to keep your inner Blay in check…roll your eyes all you want sister…Blay History Month is just about over…and March is Whew month.
Ok, now, Patience (AAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!)
Patience is a virtue, but not one of mine. It’s one of those things I hope will come to me suddenly, maybe in the night, preferably before I have children. Particularly because my children are going to be so atrociously naughty, I know it. One, they’ll be my kids, come on. Two, my parents have many times cursed me with a future full of wicked children who are intentionally disobedient, say ignorant things and eat all the cheese. I love cheese by the way, so this threat was directed at me. Chris’s children will throw food and jump on the bed…Erin’s children will drink all the Jose Caribe Rum. Mine will eat cheese. So, Patience. Not good for thelauralee. I have a habit of explaining away my temper by saying things like, “Sorry, but I just have very short patience.” Whenever I used to say that to Kevin, without skipping a beat, he would say, “What are you, a midget doctor?” get it? short “patients”…”patience”…anyway it took a me few minutes to get it too, mostly because I was prolly too pissed off over something stupid to get it. He was dry :) to say the least. This quip also applied to “I have very little patience”…and if I said I was “losing patience”, which was rare since I rarely have any to begin with, he’d say, “It’s a good thing you aren’t a doctor…you’d be out of business.” The good part about him thinking that my lack of “patients” was funny (good thing he never got to see me take it out in the fruit of his loins!) was that now, whenever I feel like I am “losing patience” or have very “short patience” I think of how he said that and laugh and then…I feel better. It doesn’t give me any more patience though, so it’s really just good for nothing but a giggle.
I’ve had this issue for years…it even goes back to my childhood, where my mom would have to come up with weird little awards for us to aspire to as children. Having patience, being good, not misbehaving and not throwing temper tantrums were achievements worthy of “The Peanut Award”. Let me explain. The Peanut Award was a very small gold pin, that was…you guessed it: a peanut. When one of us lee children would get to wear The Peanut Award, you were seriously hot shit and the envy of all of your siblings. All two of them. Good report cards, chores, and again, no temper tantrums were the main winners of this hot prize. God I loved that Peanut. My mom still has it, and sometimes I just want to sneak upstairs into her jewelry box while she’s not looking and put it on for a little while….ahhhh. Doesn’t feel right if I’ve had a fit that day at some point though, so I have to try and go early in the day when I haven’t been naughty yet.
Yesterday my laptop went BERSERK. Even as I write this now, I’ve had about 3000 pop up ads. I spent most of yesterday trying to fix it, it was barely running. By midnight last night, I had annoyed the crap out of poor Techie Jerry, who made countless heroic attempts at taking over my PC remotely to help me, not to mention put up with me when I lost my “patients” a couple times, and yes…there was crying. I was just frustrated. I eventually did get Adware and the new Norton Antivirus downloaded, $90 later, and managed to get a shipping fee into Paypal for something I purchased off of e-bay from FRANCE for a friend (yeah…it might be you…hang in there and see….hehe) but only after having to write the message 3 times to the seller and put in my credit card info 4000 times. God only knows how many times this French guy is going to charge me 20.84 silver pounds. Anyway, I realize that I am in so many ways handicapped, but this patience thing is a big one. I know, I know, I’m supposed to write good stuff about myself , so I don’t get “blogged down” ;) but really I am just a large baby. Seems everything sets me off nowadays. I need to go jogging more I think…get some of that aggression out. So yeah…thank you so so so so so SO much JERRY!!!! This blog is dedicated to you…and to short people and whews as well…hope you aren’t too terribly offended by sharing your lime light. I do appreciate your assistance and patience with my freak outs. We’re alright, you and me. :)
Remember towards the end of the movie Shrek when the donkey (played by Eddie Murphy, whom I find heelarious and my favorite character besides the one legged gingerbread man) bursts into the church on the back of his sexy dragon to stop the wedding ceremony between Princess Fiona (who is now an ogre) and Price Farquaad (played eloquently by John Lithgow)? He busts right through that stained glass window…and stands atop the head of the fierce but loveable Dragon and says:
“Look out everybody! I'm a donkey on the edge!"
Welp, given this whole patience issue and my love of the Donkey, I’ve realized, I am in fact, a donkey on edge! So Look out everybody! There…that’s all :) Just a friendly warning to my “patients”. (oh by the way you don’t have to scream when I spell it “patients”, so stop that please). I love that line in Shrek…it’s one of my all time favorites along with when Donkey calls Shrek Onion Boy and tells him he’s so wrapped up in layers, that he doesn’t know love when he sees it and can’t let anyone in. Not because I can relate or anything… ;) This movie has gumption. It’s is also the only other movie I can tolerate Cameron Diaz in besides The Mask and even then, it’s just cuz Jim Carrey is so wildly insane, that most people don’t even notice that was her debut role. But where else would you get a movie with Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, John Lithgow and a dragon who has the hots for a donkey? Can’t say I don’t relate. So yeah, I luv me some Shrek. By the way, that link above is Shrek’s Blog, where you can see a picture of the donkey…on edge. Also, please note that Shrek’s home IS in fact, “the swamp”, not the Regency Apartments in Glen Burnie.
Well, that’s about enough out of me. I kinda exposed myself as a cartoon loving fruitcake in this blog, which I AM….I actually found myself raving about Finding Nemo earlier today and realized I am a total child (a naughty one at that). So let me end with something little more “hard edge”, like a quote from one of my favorite movies, Fight Club with the sexAY Brad Pitt and Edward Norton…mmmm….Brad Pitt’s character, Tyler Durden, says:
“It is not until you have lost everything, that you are free to do anything.”
True dat Tyler…true dat.
Songs of the Day (in no particular meaning or order whatsoever, so stop thinking that):
Patience - Guns N' Roses
I Ain't Missing You - John Waite
All Out of Love - Air Supply (yeah...it's that bad)
Separate Ways – Journey
Hard Habit to Break – Chicago
And in honor of the great Bridget Jones and her manual blogging flair:
All By Myself – Jamie O’Neil
What’s brown and hides in the attic?............
The diarrhea of Anne Frank!
See Lindsay? You knew I would eventually represent da jews with my mockery sooner or later. I’m coming off the Blay kick and even the monkey kick. Sorry Blay. It’s Whew’s turn and you’re just going to have to keep your inner Blay in check…roll your eyes all you want sister…Blay History Month is just about over…and March is Whew month.
Ok, now, Patience (AAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!)
Patience is a virtue, but not one of mine. It’s one of those things I hope will come to me suddenly, maybe in the night, preferably before I have children. Particularly because my children are going to be so atrociously naughty, I know it. One, they’ll be my kids, come on. Two, my parents have many times cursed me with a future full of wicked children who are intentionally disobedient, say ignorant things and eat all the cheese. I love cheese by the way, so this threat was directed at me. Chris’s children will throw food and jump on the bed…Erin’s children will drink all the Jose Caribe Rum. Mine will eat cheese. So, Patience. Not good for thelauralee. I have a habit of explaining away my temper by saying things like, “Sorry, but I just have very short patience.” Whenever I used to say that to Kevin, without skipping a beat, he would say, “What are you, a midget doctor?” get it? short “patients”…”patience”…anyway it took a me few minutes to get it too, mostly because I was prolly too pissed off over something stupid to get it. He was dry :) to say the least. This quip also applied to “I have very little patience”…and if I said I was “losing patience”, which was rare since I rarely have any to begin with, he’d say, “It’s a good thing you aren’t a doctor…you’d be out of business.” The good part about him thinking that my lack of “patients” was funny (good thing he never got to see me take it out in the fruit of his loins!) was that now, whenever I feel like I am “losing patience” or have very “short patience” I think of how he said that and laugh and then…I feel better. It doesn’t give me any more patience though, so it’s really just good for nothing but a giggle.
I’ve had this issue for years…it even goes back to my childhood, where my mom would have to come up with weird little awards for us to aspire to as children. Having patience, being good, not misbehaving and not throwing temper tantrums were achievements worthy of “The Peanut Award”. Let me explain. The Peanut Award was a very small gold pin, that was…you guessed it: a peanut. When one of us lee children would get to wear The Peanut Award, you were seriously hot shit and the envy of all of your siblings. All two of them. Good report cards, chores, and again, no temper tantrums were the main winners of this hot prize. God I loved that Peanut. My mom still has it, and sometimes I just want to sneak upstairs into her jewelry box while she’s not looking and put it on for a little while….ahhhh. Doesn’t feel right if I’ve had a fit that day at some point though, so I have to try and go early in the day when I haven’t been naughty yet.
Yesterday my laptop went BERSERK. Even as I write this now, I’ve had about 3000 pop up ads. I spent most of yesterday trying to fix it, it was barely running. By midnight last night, I had annoyed the crap out of poor Techie Jerry, who made countless heroic attempts at taking over my PC remotely to help me, not to mention put up with me when I lost my “patients” a couple times, and yes…there was crying. I was just frustrated. I eventually did get Adware and the new Norton Antivirus downloaded, $90 later, and managed to get a shipping fee into Paypal for something I purchased off of e-bay from FRANCE for a friend (yeah…it might be you…hang in there and see….hehe) but only after having to write the message 3 times to the seller and put in my credit card info 4000 times. God only knows how many times this French guy is going to charge me 20.84 silver pounds. Anyway, I realize that I am in so many ways handicapped, but this patience thing is a big one. I know, I know, I’m supposed to write good stuff about myself , so I don’t get “blogged down” ;) but really I am just a large baby. Seems everything sets me off nowadays. I need to go jogging more I think…get some of that aggression out. So yeah…thank you so so so so so SO much JERRY!!!! This blog is dedicated to you…and to short people and whews as well…hope you aren’t too terribly offended by sharing your lime light. I do appreciate your assistance and patience with my freak outs. We’re alright, you and me. :)
Remember towards the end of the movie Shrek when the donkey (played by Eddie Murphy, whom I find heelarious and my favorite character besides the one legged gingerbread man) bursts into the church on the back of his sexy dragon to stop the wedding ceremony between Princess Fiona (who is now an ogre) and Price Farquaad (played eloquently by John Lithgow)? He busts right through that stained glass window…and stands atop the head of the fierce but loveable Dragon and says:
“Look out everybody! I'm a donkey on the edge!"
Welp, given this whole patience issue and my love of the Donkey, I’ve realized, I am in fact, a donkey on edge! So Look out everybody! There…that’s all :) Just a friendly warning to my “patients”. (oh by the way you don’t have to scream when I spell it “patients”, so stop that please). I love that line in Shrek…it’s one of my all time favorites along with when Donkey calls Shrek Onion Boy and tells him he’s so wrapped up in layers, that he doesn’t know love when he sees it and can’t let anyone in. Not because I can relate or anything… ;) This movie has gumption. It’s is also the only other movie I can tolerate Cameron Diaz in besides The Mask and even then, it’s just cuz Jim Carrey is so wildly insane, that most people don’t even notice that was her debut role. But where else would you get a movie with Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, John Lithgow and a dragon who has the hots for a donkey? Can’t say I don’t relate. So yeah, I luv me some Shrek. By the way, that link above is Shrek’s Blog, where you can see a picture of the donkey…on edge. Also, please note that Shrek’s home IS in fact, “the swamp”, not the Regency Apartments in Glen Burnie.
Well, that’s about enough out of me. I kinda exposed myself as a cartoon loving fruitcake in this blog, which I AM….I actually found myself raving about Finding Nemo earlier today and realized I am a total child (a naughty one at that). So let me end with something little more “hard edge”, like a quote from one of my favorite movies, Fight Club with the sexAY Brad Pitt and Edward Norton…mmmm….Brad Pitt’s character, Tyler Durden, says:
“It is not until you have lost everything, that you are free to do anything.”
True dat Tyler…true dat.
Songs of the Day (in no particular meaning or order whatsoever, so stop thinking that):
Patience - Guns N' Roses
I Ain't Missing You - John Waite
All Out of Love - Air Supply (yeah...it's that bad)
Separate Ways – Journey
Hard Habit to Break – Chicago
And in honor of the great Bridget Jones and her manual blogging flair:
All By Myself – Jamie O’Neil
2 Comments:
giiiirl can i just say that you make me laugh so hard when i read your blog.
if i find some patience i'll be sure to get extra so i can share with you. though, i aint gonna lie, i need a hell of a lot myself.
btw, that fight club quote? excellent...i have it pasted on to my monitor at work. it's so true. sadly.
Well, let me be your cyber shoulder LL. You're the best sweetie. Don't let others get ya down. Really, when it comes down to it, you have so much going for you that you ought to be bursting at the seams with good stuff. Don't let others affect your stride babe.
Patience is a tough thing to achieve. Man is it tough. Don't be the person that kicks their feet in the lazy river at the water-park! Lay back and enjoy the ride. The water can be very enjoyable. (That being said, I always wanted to kick)
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