I'm about an 8 on the bitchy scale today, so I am going to spare you the torture of entering my mind right now and keep this brainless (resist the urge to make snide remarks at this juncture).
Have you ever worn a color that accidentally conveyed a 'message' or cause on a certain day and you didn't realize it, but everybody mentions it to you and you feel somehow "engaged" in society? Case in point, St. Patricks Day and the color green. The people here at my job actually PINCH you if you aren't wearing green that day! What the hell is this? Every year I want to press charges (and you guessed it, rarely wear green that day). I may have more to pinch but, OWWW! Stop it man. Plus, they've just violated my very personal Spirish bubble. Kiss me, I'm spirish. Not pinch me, you dumbitch. Then getcher ass in da kitchun an make me some spicy rice! ;) Anyway...I digress. Valentines Day is another one of these occasions, as if it werent painful enough, now...you've worn the wrong outfit, you IDIOT!!! Or maybe you did good...you just happened to stumble out of bed and pick red, and everyone automatically thinks you are a willing participant in the joy that is dressing to express your support for retarded holidays. I just can't keep up with what I'm supposed to wear and when. I just do not plan that far ahead unless its for a damn DATE and in that case, I've picked it out the second I've got an inkling, that I MIGHT have a date. Pathetic. Well I have a point here kiddies, not just the one on the top of my head, and that is, today was apparently some sort of "wear a color to support the whoosies whatsees" and my coworker (the one who's voice mail ends with, "And have a blessed day"), says to me, "Good. I see Laura is wearing her red. Very good". I was like, "huh?" I mean, very observant, lady but I assure you, NO thought whatsoever went into this red cardigan. It was CLEAN. Still, I don't want to let on that I don't know why I was supposed to wear red, because it might just make me special or look like I give a shit about something philanthropic or I dunno, you never know, maybe a raise in pay (hey...you never know). As long as it's not going to involve the infliction of physical pain (ie: the St. Pattys pinch) then YES! I accept your commendation! I wore red! I am the smartest woman alive! So I did say, "yeah, that's right. I wore my red for...." and I was hoping she would start saying the cause and I could kind of say it with her, like one beat behind? Ya know? I'm good at that. In fact I bet I can annoy the crap out of you by imitating everything you say and do as you're doing it and it's so quick it's almost like realtime. But she's...nodding...waiting. So I say. "Um I forget why I wore it but i know it was important." she says" FOR THE TROOPS, of course!!!" All damn perky.
Oh yeeaaaaaahhhhh...now I remember! ???? not. I thought we were going with YELLOW for the "support the troops" fad this year...that and the biker with ball cancer. Damn I dunno. I don't wear yellow either just so you know, because it makes me look really olive green and foreign and slightly ill...like maybe my village doesn't have water treatment and sanitation. So yeah...I suppose I support the troops today. Whoopie. She did mention to my boss that I was supporting the troops and she and I were the only ones who wore red, at which he wasnt not impressed. Go figure. Seems to me, everyone else here was supporting the RAVENS. It's Friday, so people wear sports shirts and what not a lot of Fridays here, and it's pretty much O's and Ravens, but mostly Ravens hon. My favorite is the Ravenator t-shirt with this big muscular Raven, standing tall with a t-shirt on that says: THE RAVENATOR. That's actually very intimidating for other teams I imagine. A giant crow. Though I think pretty much everything becomes that much more intimidating, powerful and ass-kickin when you add "the" to the beginning and a "nator" to the end. The Lauranator, The Spermanator, the Masterbaternator ;) wooooo that last one is scary.
Ok-- I am simply rambling incoherently at this point.
This is important though: Tom-Sean (who actually POSTS on my blog, thank you very much Tommy) is arriving in Baltimore from NYC this evening to spend the weekend with all of us hons. I would like to invite you all at any point to join in the hanging out that's going to start almost immeadiately and likely with a good JOGGING session...and pretty much go non-stop until we send him packing to North Carolina for his big job! Moooovin on up! To be more specific, tomorrow we're going out in DC, hanging out, drinking, dancing, shakin ya groove thing, yeah yeah...we need people to come with us so we don't look like old losers. So all you luvahs get with The Lauranator and The Tominator and let's tear it up. Call me please so we can work out a plan. Any B-more people, feel free to stop at my house and ride with us. DC people...we're coming to you.
I'm wearing green when we go out though, because someone also told me that indicated that you are HORNY. This also means that it's all ok for you to pinch me now. Wherever you want. Yeah baby!
Songs of the Day:
Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Greenday
I Can't Make You Love Me - Bonnie Raitt (I do like that white streak in her hair...it's sassy)
Privledge - Incubus
Have you ever worn a color that accidentally conveyed a 'message' or cause on a certain day and you didn't realize it, but everybody mentions it to you and you feel somehow "engaged" in society? Case in point, St. Patricks Day and the color green. The people here at my job actually PINCH you if you aren't wearing green that day! What the hell is this? Every year I want to press charges (and you guessed it, rarely wear green that day). I may have more to pinch but, OWWW! Stop it man. Plus, they've just violated my very personal Spirish bubble. Kiss me, I'm spirish. Not pinch me, you dumbitch. Then getcher ass in da kitchun an make me some spicy rice! ;) Anyway...I digress. Valentines Day is another one of these occasions, as if it werent painful enough, now...you've worn the wrong outfit, you IDIOT!!! Or maybe you did good...you just happened to stumble out of bed and pick red, and everyone automatically thinks you are a willing participant in the joy that is dressing to express your support for retarded holidays. I just can't keep up with what I'm supposed to wear and when. I just do not plan that far ahead unless its for a damn DATE and in that case, I've picked it out the second I've got an inkling, that I MIGHT have a date. Pathetic. Well I have a point here kiddies, not just the one on the top of my head, and that is, today was apparently some sort of "wear a color to support the whoosies whatsees" and my coworker (the one who's voice mail ends with, "And have a blessed day"), says to me, "Good. I see Laura is wearing her red. Very good". I was like, "huh?" I mean, very observant, lady but I assure you, NO thought whatsoever went into this red cardigan. It was CLEAN. Still, I don't want to let on that I don't know why I was supposed to wear red, because it might just make me special or look like I give a shit about something philanthropic or I dunno, you never know, maybe a raise in pay (hey...you never know). As long as it's not going to involve the infliction of physical pain (ie: the St. Pattys pinch) then YES! I accept your commendation! I wore red! I am the smartest woman alive! So I did say, "yeah, that's right. I wore my red for...." and I was hoping she would start saying the cause and I could kind of say it with her, like one beat behind? Ya know? I'm good at that. In fact I bet I can annoy the crap out of you by imitating everything you say and do as you're doing it and it's so quick it's almost like realtime. But she's...nodding...waiting. So I say. "Um I forget why I wore it but i know it was important." she says" FOR THE TROOPS, of course!!!" All damn perky.
Oh yeeaaaaaahhhhh...now I remember! ???? not. I thought we were going with YELLOW for the "support the troops" fad this year...that and the biker with ball cancer. Damn I dunno. I don't wear yellow either just so you know, because it makes me look really olive green and foreign and slightly ill...like maybe my village doesn't have water treatment and sanitation. So yeah...I suppose I support the troops today. Whoopie. She did mention to my boss that I was supporting the troops and she and I were the only ones who wore red, at which he wasnt not impressed. Go figure. Seems to me, everyone else here was supporting the RAVENS. It's Friday, so people wear sports shirts and what not a lot of Fridays here, and it's pretty much O's and Ravens, but mostly Ravens hon. My favorite is the Ravenator t-shirt with this big muscular Raven, standing tall with a t-shirt on that says: THE RAVENATOR. That's actually very intimidating for other teams I imagine. A giant crow. Though I think pretty much everything becomes that much more intimidating, powerful and ass-kickin when you add "the" to the beginning and a "nator" to the end. The Lauranator, The Spermanator, the Masterbaternator ;) wooooo that last one is scary.
Ok-- I am simply rambling incoherently at this point.
This is important though: Tom-Sean (who actually POSTS on my blog, thank you very much Tommy) is arriving in Baltimore from NYC this evening to spend the weekend with all of us hons. I would like to invite you all at any point to join in the hanging out that's going to start almost immeadiately and likely with a good JOGGING session...and pretty much go non-stop until we send him packing to North Carolina for his big job! Moooovin on up! To be more specific, tomorrow we're going out in DC, hanging out, drinking, dancing, shakin ya groove thing, yeah yeah...we need people to come with us so we don't look like old losers. So all you luvahs get with The Lauranator and The Tominator and let's tear it up. Call me please so we can work out a plan. Any B-more people, feel free to stop at my house and ride with us. DC people...we're coming to you.
I'm wearing green when we go out though, because someone also told me that indicated that you are HORNY. This also means that it's all ok for you to pinch me now. Wherever you want. Yeah baby!
Songs of the Day:
Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Greenday
I Can't Make You Love Me - Bonnie Raitt (I do like that white streak in her hair...it's sassy)
Privledge - Incubus
1 Comments:
I'm wearing black, brown and khaki. What does that make me? Moody, sh*tty and boring? What a combo!
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