Are you there God? It's me...Licky.

Dear God, It's me, Licky...remember? Yeah...HER. I have something to pray about...

Last night my roommate had SEX in the house and it made me feel really weird inside. I never felt like that before God. Inadvertantly listening felt like a sin inside. At first I was just confused because I had called home to see if she wanted dinner and she said yes, so I’d brought it home innocently. Why then God would she be in the shower with only the flickering glow of a candle, banging around so much? She knew I would be home at 8:36pm with the food Lord. Then she took a “nap”. I was confused God…so I tried to put on HOT 99.5 really loud to turn my sinful mind away from thoughts of coitus, but all I heard was 50 Cent telling me to “shhh shhh shhha shake! Shake that A-S-S gurl”. I can’t say that word, sorry. I felt many things all of which are deadly sins for sure: 1) envy 2) lust 3) greed and then I ended up eating alone, so 4) gluttony. Oh wait…then I laid in bed and tried to figure out the cable channels and get some free wireless internet so 5) sloth. For a minute there, 6) anger set in. Why didn’t anyone want to have sex with me Lord? But there was no way I was going to swallow my 7) pride and tell them that. If there were 8 sins, wouldn't one be swallowing? Yeah...well I woulda done that too (the pride I mean).

So Dear God, I ask for your forgiveness today for committing all of the 7 deadly sins in less than two hours. You can forgive my roommate and her special transient friend another day, ok? Although, I have to say, she picked a good transient to do it with since he fixed all the lighting in our new place, changed the bulbs, turned on the humidifier, hung the smoke detectors, put the wall plates on, stopped the horrid unidentified beeping noise and obviously made my roommate a happy lady. Lord, please send me a transient.

In your name I pray…
Amen
(ps: love Licky)

***the above dramatization included two previously undisclosed topics which I will now explain to my viewing audience:

1) Favorite childhood/adolescence “coming of age” paperback, “Are you There God? It’s Me Margaret” where 13 year old Margaret’s shitty parents don’t tell her about what her PERIOD is and she gets it and wigs out and has to talk to God a lot about it (did I get the premise right ladies? I forget…I was more of a “teenage angst” reader myself…Judy Bloom and the like. FLUBBER!)

2) LICKY: my nickname. I know you all know it anyway and if you don’t then this’ll just give you another thing to make fun of me with. Licky. So if it’s not Phreakylee…it’s Licky. I’m seeing a pattern here….hmmmm…

Ok kiddies, I’m off to intrinsically celebrate the alcoholic side of my family today (the Irish part of the confusing combination that is SPIRISH) then maybe on Easter I will take a break and go hang with the overeating, oversexed side. ;)

I see my petition to stop all holidays in 2004-2005 was denied by the WORLD! Thanks cruel world…Easter is still on the calendar…curse you Jesus! Whoa that was so sacrelicious wasn’t it? I’m just kidding. Whew representin. ;)

Songs of the Day:
Cold Shower – Kix ;)
Fast Hard & Loud – Sinner
Disco Inferno – 50 Cent (shhh shhhh shhh shake! Sh-Shake that ass gurl!)
Almost Had You - Bowling for Soup (LOVE this song!)