This is a chick blog to the highest extent guys, so if you just want to get into the minds of women (and prolly laugh too) keep reading. If you want to watch us like wild animals...quietly observe how the female takes her prey, please do join us!
Topic: He's Just Not That Into You - by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
Most of my bloggies know of this fine piece of literature and have read it and for a while there, we actually incorporated it into our vocabularies! On any given day we could hear one of us saying to the other, “Yes, but Greg said...so you obviously have to ...." inserting ‘the answer’ to your relationship woe. The premise of the book for those of you who don't know, it’s a funny and sarcastic but VERY poignant guide for women on reading signals from men, since they all have an almost impossible time telling you: I'm just not that into you. You aren’t the one.
We break things down, we analyze, we interpret, we spend hours doing this with one another. Hell! I have a whole house worth of shit to pack and I spent 2 hours on IM last night with Heather, whom I talk to EVERYDAY...ALL DAY anyway, interpreting a man. This "needed" to be done then, naturally. And we did it! It finally ended at nearly 1am when we decided that I should just stuff “the issue” in a box for now, pack, move, settle and consider revisiting this heartache at a later date. A "pain rain check" if you will. So as you can see...someone lifted the duct tape on that box while I slept for 2 hours (b/c yes I did resume packing at 1am) because I gots sumptin to say today! ;)
So one writer and one advisor for the show, Sex in the City, put their collective heads together so that a MAN, a normal, good guy could give us the heads up, while the woman writer gives him the flip side yo! It’s fantastic!
The book reads in chapters…
He’s just not that into you if: he’s not calling, he’s not dating you, he’s having sex with other people, he’s married or emotionally unavailable, he only wants to see you when he’s drunk, if he’s BREAKING UP WITH YOU, he’s disappeared on you, he’s a selfish jerk or a bully, etc.. Girls write letters to Greg telling them of their woes and situations (and by the way the letters are fake as hell, but they are funny), and he gives them a quick sarcastic line of quips and ends each return letter with: He’s just not that into you. Then Liz writes her section: HERE’S WHY THIS ONE IS HARD…and she tells Greg how we reason these problems out to mean anything other that “he’s just not that into me”. Greg says in retort, in his section: IT SO SIMPLE! You aren’t going to be “wondering” when he’s that into you! Duh. Anyway, great book and there are two sections that I want to highlight here today that are 1) TRUE and 2) specific to me. I’ve got dirty laundry to air.
Firstly, earlier on in the book, Greg says:
“Ladies…we may not totally say what we feel, but we are almost always SHOWING you. We would rather lose an arm out a city bus window or be trampled by a herd of elephants on fire than to tell you that you’re not the one…we’re just not that into you. We are certain that you will kill yourself or us or both or worse, CRY. We will use every excuse in the book and even hang on in unsatisfying relationships, giving bare minimum to avoid that conversation.”
True. Most important part? “WE MAY NOT ALWAYS SAY EXACTLY HOW WE FEEL BUT WE ARE ALMOST ALWAYS SHOWING YOU.” Actions speak.
If you are in limbo in your relationship (and 90% of us are, and we hate those 10% who are happy and perfect but they exist!), we need clarity! They aren’t going to give it to us chickies. We have to find it on our own by empowering ourselves to accept that this man is just not that into me (b/c of a, b or c) and move on and find someone who is, b/c he’s out there, after all, YOU’RE WONDERFUL!!!!
There are many applicable chapters for me, however right now, it’s: He’s just not that into you if he’s married (and other insane variations of being unavailable).
Allow me to paste Greg’s ITS SO SIMPLE! response to the letter that pleads: “But Greg! He just got out of a relationship and he has things he needs to ‘work through’. He’s just not ready YET!”
“Ladies, yes you are going to meet many men in many different stages of recovering from relationships. If he's really into you, he will get over his issues fast and make sure he doesn’t lose you. Or he will make it CLEAR to you how he feels, so there is no mystery and tell you up front that he’s not up to it RIGHT NOW. And then you can best be sure, the minute he is ready, he will run out and find you. You are NOT easily forgettable."
Now, lucky for thelauralee, he doesn’t give anymore advice on that issue! :( And I swear to God, those of you who read it know, that’s the ONLY concession he makes in that book and that is, a man who is suffering from some sort of pain associated with a past relationship. Those are the only ones he gives you permission to wait for. But how long Greg???!!!! What’s “fast”?
Liz retorts: HERE’S WHY THIS ONE IS HARD…
“Because it’s YOU. Not someone on TV or someone you read about or heard about, it’s you and it’s hard. The operative word here is "WAIT". YOU have to do the waiting, biding your time, biting your tongue, keeping your needs quiet. Because…he’s so special, that guy. He deserves to have you sit around and wait, putting your life on hold, not getting what YOU want, while he takes his time sorting it all out. He’s THAT special. YOU, of course...aren’t at all. This is how we reason it out. I have done this ‘waiting thing” countless times and in a way it feels noble and romantic and dramatic to be filled with longing and heartache, knowing that the man you love, for whatever reason can’t be yours right now. You are willing to wait because your feelings are SO profound. But after a while, don’t you start thinking maybe you can do better than that? You're bored. Right? Aren’t you bored and chipped away at experiencing the same type of misery over and over again? (because let’s face it, it’s not your first time is it?). Our life goes on and why shouldn’t it? YOU ARE FUCKING FABULOUS!”
I like that they cuss in this book too ;) Though…was that a solution to my problem? I think we all found after reading it that it didn’t hold the answer like the little pink, Arc of the Covenant. Just validating your feelings is all. Women like that shit. Hello? Best seller!
So I am talking about this with The Bails and she’s on the edge of her seat! Like she’s never read the book 3 times and referred to it like “the good book”! haha
Baileyjuice: Well what’s Greg’s rebuttal??? That’s where the answer is, read me that. How long do you wait? What’s reasonable?
Me: I CAN’T F-ING FIND IT! OMG! How will I ever make this decision without Greg’s sarcastic hard love?! (haha Sike!) ;)
It just transitions right into the next blurb which is: THIS IS WHAT IT SHOULD LOOK LIKE (by Liz):
“Liz! My friend met a guy who’d just broken up with his girlfriend two weeks before they met, after living with her for over 3 years! She thought she was just going to be his rebound romance and he thought the same, but even though he could have used the excuse that he wasn’t ready, because he had "issues" and had "just gotten out of something", he didn’t. Why? Because he was REALLY into her; he never let her feel that he wasn’t available to her; he was in love with her; he didn’t want her to get away. Now they are in a serious relationship.” (by the way—f*ck that couple) ;)
Next section: WHAT WE LEARNED IN THIS CHAPTER:
-He’s unavailable.
-Unless he’s all yours, he’s still hers.
-There are cool, loving, single men in the world who will appreciate you. Find one of them to go out with.
-If a guy is crying over his last relationship, try to find someone else to take you to the movies.
-He’s unavailable.
-Don’t be that girl. You’re better than that.
-You are not easily forgotten. Let him find YOU when he’s ready.
So…I guess that’s my answer. I should prolly call Sex In the City though and ask for Greg and tell him that I need him to get back to me on one final issue and that is: how long is too long? He’ll prolly get back to me before my sweetheart will! haha I was recently given a time frame that after some reflection on it, I personally find INSULTING. Here’s my algebra on that:
-Two, 3 months, maybe 4 = doable…reasonable.
-5+ months = He’s just not that into you. Unreasonable. Unavailable. Move on.
I hate being in limbo. I like doing the limbo, but with my lack of agility and coordination, it’s better if I just lay on the floor and someone moves the stick over my body and sings the song and everyone cheers. It’s just “safer”. I go over and over in my head, “Am I just in denial? Am I THE ONE complicating this? Am I just missing the clarity of his assertive: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! (which if you took all of my responses to his rejections out of that final breakup convo, that’s what you’d be left with. A string of NO!s. What’s not clear about that? I'm retarded obviously. :(
Last night I was certain I knew what to do to exit limbo, with or without this guy’s input. Today, stupid Greg validated the “not ready-have issues” situation. What I had decided last night was that I got some BS fed to me as the pathetic clingy girl in order to avoid having to say what no one wants to say (and many people are not able to) and that is: “I feel stronger about whatever it is going on with me, than I do about you.” And come on!!! No one wants to hear that, No one likes rejection. It makes you feel bad about yourself. It makes you not pack. It makes a whole box of Honey Nut Cherrios go bubye in 4 days. It makes you spend 7.5 hours torturing your friends, asking the same questions over and over and over and…and then, there’s THE BLOG.
And these good friends, they do it with you. They love you. They know your worth. They’ve been there. So all my women who independent, throw ya hands up at me! What do YOU think? I just can’t get away from what Liz always says and that is: HERE’S WHY THIS ONE IS HARD... for shizzle my Liz-zle. That it is.
Reason and logic are no match for love and emotion. Least not up in this grill. I’m going to go ahead and pick out of this that Greg is telling us…telling ME…don’t go to him. Don’t do it. You’re worth more than that. Nothing you say now will change what he is and is not wanting. You can’t make him love you. Your profession of love is not going to make him want you. He will come to you on his white horse when he is ready if he’s into you….stayed tuned…
hmmmm…cockamamie if you ask me. I also HATE horses. Scary and smelly as hell. I think that the underlying truth here is: NO length of time is okay to wait. If Mr. I Have Issues wants to come back, he's gonna have to work for it and hope that you take him back then, and as fast as we move and shake ladies (being the extraordinary beings that we are), a lot will have changed by then...the longer he waits. It’s the terrible risk he took when he ended it. So, I say, no waiting. Just living. Fuck Greg.
Topic: He's Just Not That Into You - by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
Most of my bloggies know of this fine piece of literature and have read it and for a while there, we actually incorporated it into our vocabularies! On any given day we could hear one of us saying to the other, “Yes, but Greg said...so you obviously have to ...." inserting ‘the answer’ to your relationship woe. The premise of the book for those of you who don't know, it’s a funny and sarcastic but VERY poignant guide for women on reading signals from men, since they all have an almost impossible time telling you: I'm just not that into you. You aren’t the one.
We break things down, we analyze, we interpret, we spend hours doing this with one another. Hell! I have a whole house worth of shit to pack and I spent 2 hours on IM last night with Heather, whom I talk to EVERYDAY...ALL DAY anyway, interpreting a man. This "needed" to be done then, naturally. And we did it! It finally ended at nearly 1am when we decided that I should just stuff “the issue” in a box for now, pack, move, settle and consider revisiting this heartache at a later date. A "pain rain check" if you will. So as you can see...someone lifted the duct tape on that box while I slept for 2 hours (b/c yes I did resume packing at 1am) because I gots sumptin to say today! ;)
So one writer and one advisor for the show, Sex in the City, put their collective heads together so that a MAN, a normal, good guy could give us the heads up, while the woman writer gives him the flip side yo! It’s fantastic!
The book reads in chapters…
He’s just not that into you if: he’s not calling, he’s not dating you, he’s having sex with other people, he’s married or emotionally unavailable, he only wants to see you when he’s drunk, if he’s BREAKING UP WITH YOU, he’s disappeared on you, he’s a selfish jerk or a bully, etc.. Girls write letters to Greg telling them of their woes and situations (and by the way the letters are fake as hell, but they are funny), and he gives them a quick sarcastic line of quips and ends each return letter with: He’s just not that into you. Then Liz writes her section: HERE’S WHY THIS ONE IS HARD…and she tells Greg how we reason these problems out to mean anything other that “he’s just not that into me”. Greg says in retort, in his section: IT SO SIMPLE! You aren’t going to be “wondering” when he’s that into you! Duh. Anyway, great book and there are two sections that I want to highlight here today that are 1) TRUE and 2) specific to me. I’ve got dirty laundry to air.
Firstly, earlier on in the book, Greg says:
“Ladies…we may not totally say what we feel, but we are almost always SHOWING you. We would rather lose an arm out a city bus window or be trampled by a herd of elephants on fire than to tell you that you’re not the one…we’re just not that into you. We are certain that you will kill yourself or us or both or worse, CRY. We will use every excuse in the book and even hang on in unsatisfying relationships, giving bare minimum to avoid that conversation.”
True. Most important part? “WE MAY NOT ALWAYS SAY EXACTLY HOW WE FEEL BUT WE ARE ALMOST ALWAYS SHOWING YOU.” Actions speak.
If you are in limbo in your relationship (and 90% of us are, and we hate those 10% who are happy and perfect but they exist!), we need clarity! They aren’t going to give it to us chickies. We have to find it on our own by empowering ourselves to accept that this man is just not that into me (b/c of a, b or c) and move on and find someone who is, b/c he’s out there, after all, YOU’RE WONDERFUL!!!!
There are many applicable chapters for me, however right now, it’s: He’s just not that into you if he’s married (and other insane variations of being unavailable).
Allow me to paste Greg’s ITS SO SIMPLE! response to the letter that pleads: “But Greg! He just got out of a relationship and he has things he needs to ‘work through’. He’s just not ready YET!”
“Ladies, yes you are going to meet many men in many different stages of recovering from relationships. If he's really into you, he will get over his issues fast and make sure he doesn’t lose you. Or he will make it CLEAR to you how he feels, so there is no mystery and tell you up front that he’s not up to it RIGHT NOW. And then you can best be sure, the minute he is ready, he will run out and find you. You are NOT easily forgettable."
Now, lucky for thelauralee, he doesn’t give anymore advice on that issue! :( And I swear to God, those of you who read it know, that’s the ONLY concession he makes in that book and that is, a man who is suffering from some sort of pain associated with a past relationship. Those are the only ones he gives you permission to wait for. But how long Greg???!!!! What’s “fast”?
Liz retorts: HERE’S WHY THIS ONE IS HARD…
“Because it’s YOU. Not someone on TV or someone you read about or heard about, it’s you and it’s hard. The operative word here is "WAIT". YOU have to do the waiting, biding your time, biting your tongue, keeping your needs quiet. Because…he’s so special, that guy. He deserves to have you sit around and wait, putting your life on hold, not getting what YOU want, while he takes his time sorting it all out. He’s THAT special. YOU, of course...aren’t at all. This is how we reason it out. I have done this ‘waiting thing” countless times and in a way it feels noble and romantic and dramatic to be filled with longing and heartache, knowing that the man you love, for whatever reason can’t be yours right now. You are willing to wait because your feelings are SO profound. But after a while, don’t you start thinking maybe you can do better than that? You're bored. Right? Aren’t you bored and chipped away at experiencing the same type of misery over and over again? (because let’s face it, it’s not your first time is it?). Our life goes on and why shouldn’t it? YOU ARE FUCKING FABULOUS!”
I like that they cuss in this book too ;) Though…was that a solution to my problem? I think we all found after reading it that it didn’t hold the answer like the little pink, Arc of the Covenant. Just validating your feelings is all. Women like that shit. Hello? Best seller!
So I am talking about this with The Bails and she’s on the edge of her seat! Like she’s never read the book 3 times and referred to it like “the good book”! haha
Baileyjuice: Well what’s Greg’s rebuttal??? That’s where the answer is, read me that. How long do you wait? What’s reasonable?
Me: I CAN’T F-ING FIND IT! OMG! How will I ever make this decision without Greg’s sarcastic hard love?! (haha Sike!) ;)
It just transitions right into the next blurb which is: THIS IS WHAT IT SHOULD LOOK LIKE (by Liz):
“Liz! My friend met a guy who’d just broken up with his girlfriend two weeks before they met, after living with her for over 3 years! She thought she was just going to be his rebound romance and he thought the same, but even though he could have used the excuse that he wasn’t ready, because he had "issues" and had "just gotten out of something", he didn’t. Why? Because he was REALLY into her; he never let her feel that he wasn’t available to her; he was in love with her; he didn’t want her to get away. Now they are in a serious relationship.” (by the way—f*ck that couple) ;)
Next section: WHAT WE LEARNED IN THIS CHAPTER:
-He’s unavailable.
-Unless he’s all yours, he’s still hers.
-There are cool, loving, single men in the world who will appreciate you. Find one of them to go out with.
-If a guy is crying over his last relationship, try to find someone else to take you to the movies.
-He’s unavailable.
-Don’t be that girl. You’re better than that.
-You are not easily forgotten. Let him find YOU when he’s ready.
So…I guess that’s my answer. I should prolly call Sex In the City though and ask for Greg and tell him that I need him to get back to me on one final issue and that is: how long is too long? He’ll prolly get back to me before my sweetheart will! haha I was recently given a time frame that after some reflection on it, I personally find INSULTING. Here’s my algebra on that:
-Two, 3 months, maybe 4 = doable…reasonable.
-5+ months = He’s just not that into you. Unreasonable. Unavailable. Move on.
I hate being in limbo. I like doing the limbo, but with my lack of agility and coordination, it’s better if I just lay on the floor and someone moves the stick over my body and sings the song and everyone cheers. It’s just “safer”. I go over and over in my head, “Am I just in denial? Am I THE ONE complicating this? Am I just missing the clarity of his assertive: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! (which if you took all of my responses to his rejections out of that final breakup convo, that’s what you’d be left with. A string of NO!s. What’s not clear about that? I'm retarded obviously. :(
Last night I was certain I knew what to do to exit limbo, with or without this guy’s input. Today, stupid Greg validated the “not ready-have issues” situation. What I had decided last night was that I got some BS fed to me as the pathetic clingy girl in order to avoid having to say what no one wants to say (and many people are not able to) and that is: “I feel stronger about whatever it is going on with me, than I do about you.” And come on!!! No one wants to hear that, No one likes rejection. It makes you feel bad about yourself. It makes you not pack. It makes a whole box of Honey Nut Cherrios go bubye in 4 days. It makes you spend 7.5 hours torturing your friends, asking the same questions over and over and over and…and then, there’s THE BLOG.
And these good friends, they do it with you. They love you. They know your worth. They’ve been there. So all my women who independent, throw ya hands up at me! What do YOU think? I just can’t get away from what Liz always says and that is: HERE’S WHY THIS ONE IS HARD... for shizzle my Liz-zle. That it is.
Reason and logic are no match for love and emotion. Least not up in this grill. I’m going to go ahead and pick out of this that Greg is telling us…telling ME…don’t go to him. Don’t do it. You’re worth more than that. Nothing you say now will change what he is and is not wanting. You can’t make him love you. Your profession of love is not going to make him want you. He will come to you on his white horse when he is ready if he’s into you….stayed tuned…
hmmmm…cockamamie if you ask me. I also HATE horses. Scary and smelly as hell. I think that the underlying truth here is: NO length of time is okay to wait. If Mr. I Have Issues wants to come back, he's gonna have to work for it and hope that you take him back then, and as fast as we move and shake ladies (being the extraordinary beings that we are), a lot will have changed by then...the longer he waits. It’s the terrible risk he took when he ended it. So, I say, no waiting. Just living. Fuck Greg.
3 Comments:
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Damn.Good one.Sounds like good solid reasoning. If he's not that into you, move on and don't wait. (Hey, you said this was for the ladies, can I still comment? I guess if you don't delete, then that would be a yes.)That's great advice no matter what your gender and position. If it weren't for my strick adherance to gender roles (no matter what Nikki likes to post on my blog) I would read the book myself. Right now, in this hotel room, I only have the Gideon bible. "He sayeth that the future is for those who move on past the one who dumpeth thee."hahaha.HOLY SHIT! WHERE"D THAT LIGHTNING COME FROM?????
The Movie... and now of course, The Book.
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