Quick or Meaty?

UHH!!! Awwww Sookie Sookie now!

So I decided that I’m going to start letting things go (as much as I can) without so much kicking and screaming and rehashing and maybe just leave my inner-Hulk in the recesses of my pea brain. This includes part of Saturday, more particularly, the part where I ‘acted out’ as some social-psychologists might call it (smarty-pants-es). But my worshipers do request a testimonial of the weekend thru the eyes of the raving lunatic they know and love, so I am not disinclined to acquiesce to your pleas! So…SHABA! ;)

First and foremost, this weekend sucked a big stinky dinky cept a few parts which I will tell ya about to keep it sporadically light but I will also share the regaling tale of heroism that is “packing up your old life and dropping it off at your in-laws with your new hot sexy mama of a roommate”. Hello?! Scan we say SUCK! I mean I figured out why I was putting off the packing…other than my usual level of procrastination and evasive behavior (add to that I had what one might consider a ‘small distraction’ during the weeks leading up to this weekend), and it was simply…hard. Literally, it was the act of packing up books and CDs and objects. But in the big spectrum, it was the end of an era. That sounds like a sports analogy, doesnt it? Hmmm I was hoping to avoid that but maybe it’s fitting considering the subject. Packing the books and pictures. Um…this was hard. It’s weird how people relate memories in their life with smells and songs, but apparently this goes for books too. I suppose I just never had to distinguish in such a final manner where I ended and he began. Our tastes were so different, there were so many books I’d read that I’d begged him to read so we could share the experience and most of them never were. I sat there and packed gifts I’d given him that hadn’t even been cracked open, dust riddled (that’s also b/c I am a shitty cleaner) so I decided to keep a lot of them (plus the Star wars trilogy movies—woo hoo! ) If he’d had cared, he’d have taken them. Same with the pictures. He didn’t take a single one. I don’t know why this bothers me. I don’t want to be erased. That was a big part of me that he got, and I know he wants to wipe it away and although I am many days guilty of the same thing, I don’t want it done to me. Have any of you seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? It’s a weird and dark movie, but damn…it makes you think. I felt, as I packed countless John Feinstein and Terry Pluto books (this is literature?) and pictures, that maybe I had hired a company to come and erase us…like in the movie, and just didn’t know it yet. And ya know what? That’s fine. Why am I hanging on anyway?

I think that was something I was supposed to go through though. I just didn’t realize it before it was done. It just seems so final and that upset me a bit. Not because I want to be with K, but because it yet again poses the difficult question: how does one filter and move past so many years and still stay intact as a person? Those years leave worn paths of emotion, fear, betrayal, trust, love, laughs, sex, holidays, gifts, pictures, and then POOF…gone. Flat line. It’s just hard…and I was feeling like I wanted comfort but that I was all alone and that I am all alone because I wreak of heartbreak and rejection. Nikki told me that on Friday…that she thinks I might just be maxed out on rejection…that and that I probably needed to go to Club Atlantis again…that it was chicken soup for the ”person who thinks she is dysfunctional but at least she isn’t a straight man dancing in a gay club” soul.

Ok so this isn’t light, so let’s change direction. Raura Ree make break-tru though. We so happy for her. We knew she may not pick quick re-rease, but definitery happy ending! So I packed and sniffled and watched Newlyweds, because I am into self-deprecation. Also, it was Nick and Jessica’s second anniversary. Awwwww… Why is it that once I start watching that damn show I cant stop? I don’t even know if I really like it. Weird.

That night we went to the Vagina Monologues. It was really good! I kind of had a preconceived notion of what it would be like but it was funny and sad and sexy and compelling and sometimes…a little freaky. But good times. Front row seats too! We then walked to Little Italy where we had dinner and (to use a Napoleon Dynamite unit of measurement) buttloads of wine. Dinner and drinks for eleven and Nikki and I shared food. First of all, we got this $15 seafood CRAPPITIZER as I am calling it. It had a rubber lobster tail in the middle. I’m not saying we didn’t eat it, but still…it wasn’t good ;) There was so much bread and wine and compulsive Catholics at the table, I think I may have heard, “do this in memory of me” more times than normal...even in an Italian restaurant! We were all a bunch of drunk, overeating Catholic vaginas (say for Lisa, the Tennessee Baptist that loves to get jiggy to Petey Pablo’s ‘Freak-a-leek’ in the backseat with thelauralee—you go girl, glad to know I am not the only one who knows the lyrics by heart). One of the women there…I’m sorry if this offends anyone who is friends with her (b/c I don’t know who brought her her!) sat across from me and stared at me the whole dinner and every 10 minutes would compliment my hair and my face and my personality. I am not saying this is bad! It was very very sweet, but I thought maybe, considering we’d just come from the Vagina Monologues and she was very jetlagged and I have such powerful mojo, that she might want to “be gay with me”. As much as I appealed to Nikki and Simone and Amy and Gretchen to keep me constantly involved in thier conversation, she managed to still tell me all about how she is so jet lagged, bombed on wine…and pills too. This peaked my interest. What kind of pills? hehehe Let’s just say that she paid the entire dinner bill (to which I was a short contributor) and then may or may not have given out a substance that rhymes with Like-o-den like it was pez. It was unsettling to hear she had them in order to deal with the pain of the SHINGLES she had, but nonetheless, what a nice lady! Gotta love Californians.

We then roll ourselves out in wheelbarrows b/c we are so fat and full and head over to Canton…but not before Nikkis sister told me a story that made my sides split with spaghetti and it inspired the title of this blog. She said that when she’d first gotten together with Sid (whom we refer to a lot in our comments section, as he was the beginning of The Big Lewbowsi and ‘shut yer f*ckin face uncle fucka’ for us) and they were laying in bed in post coital bliss, doing that cute little chit chat we all do with someone you just had great sex with and actually LIKE and he told her that he used to spend a lot of time with his grandmother in Pennsylvania an they used to play this game a lot called, “Quick or Meaty”. She said this was disturbing to her, no doubt as it would be to me, yet I’d surely want to learn how to play it so we could get to doing that ASAP, with or without Granny! hehe Before she flung herself out of bed b/c she had just made love to a compete weirdo, he cleared it up that it was not quick and meaty, but she’d misheard him, it was Quaker Meeting (where they would all just sit and be quiet and the first one to talk loses). I think Quick and Meaty sounds like more fun, don’t you? but that’s just me. tee hee…anyway…

We all reconvened at Ricks In Canton. I’m skipping this part, but basically, I was mistreated after being very patient and understanding and all I did was stick up for myself (it was self defense really) to a certain douche-bag Ricks employee and was cut off before I even got my first drink! Bastards. So….um….we “left” (hehe) and on the way back to the car, I think I might be hallucinating, but I see Steve (brother in law) and his fiancé Stephanie getting out of their car. So the next hour was spent catching up and diffusing Steve’s drunken whining of, “I love you man…why cant you still be in my family…man we LOVED you, it’s not the same, cant you fix this? we LOVE YOU MAN!” So I think the Andersons may miss thelauralee. ;) I know I missed the hell out of him! He was such the funny party animal—made me laugh all the time. Good guy. Also, we encouraged one another’s drunken misbehaving, while Stephanie and Kevin would sit in the background waggling their heads at our immaturity and alcoholism. We’ve been kicked out of many a bar, both together and individually, seen many a pair of headlights (we used to work as a team to get girls to flash—classic work) and you know you’re family when someone chokes a girl for you because she dumped a beer on your head and slapped you in the face. Mama bear! ;) Anyway—it was good to see him but, hard. I hate having to give up the joy of someone else company when you aren’t sick of them yet! ;) That’s a really hard part of breaking up. The person I had my last semi-breakup with, I miss terribly, ugh, it’s so hard I feel like I can’t breathe sometimes. But life is just kinda hard I guess. Soon I will be the Grinch and nothing will hurt! mwhahaha

Nikki spent the night and to be straight with you, I have no idea how we got home, where we stopped, how I got undressed and into bed and how she joined me. All I know is that when I awoke, my whole bed smelled like Bengay and Nikki was leaned over me saying, “Do you maybe need some water?” to which I replied, “ughhh [smacking dry mouth twice] um yeah, I’m sorry”. One of the things Nikki likes best about me is my ability to apologize for just BEING. She said it sounded like maybe I had some dry ass leaves blowing around in there…what can I say? I get a really dry mouth after all the substance abuse I partake in. Plus, it’s winter sister. And the Bengay smell, was HER! She’d rubbed it on herself before bed. That’s uncool to do to someone when you are an overnight guest in their bed, but I love you Ben…you’re gay. ;) I don’t think she was impressed with my place this weekend. I’d been “nesting” this past week. It was a little messy, depressing, dark and she wasn’t at all overcome with respect over the Good News Bible on my nightstand. I honestly don’t know why it’s there…I wasn’t reading it or anything, I swear ;)

Sunday, we laid in bed and talked and willed ourselves to go to IHOP, which we didn’t do, we had to lament over why men are so ornery. Ugh! So we get dressed, and leave to go drop off all the stuff at my in-laws, which they said they would pick up, but I am a f*cking sucker and cant say no, and they asked me to bring it to them, so I did it. Thank god Nikki was there to get me an early reprieve when they asked me to stay a while. It was weird…and sad too. Nikki, you mentioned to her when we walked in that it smelled like a yummy breakfast in there. I forgot to tell you, but that’s just the way their house smells—like bacon. haha always has since we were teenagers. Bacon and potpourri. It used to be a good joke, that my boyfriend smelled like swine 24-7. hehe But all in all…in all my past life encounters this weekend, Nikki said I held my own and was awesome. It was really hard, but I found myself fighting bad the urge to just fall apart, because they needed me to be ok with it. I hope they are, I would hate to think that I hurt them. Although at the same time, screw em all. I’m scorned. haha

We signed our new lease yesterday though, YES!!!! It’s an awesome house! Turns out we’re both moving in on the same day so it could be sufficiently chaotic, but a bang up good time once all is said and done. All of you helping on the Germantown end, don’t worry, you will get to see your Laura in Odenton ;) All of you bitches helping me, I promise not to be Move-zilla. Then, were all gonna get pissed and have pizza. Good times…good times. You’re gonna love the new place it’s great! I think our landlord was hitting on us yesterday though which is unsettling but Nikki says no, that I just think everyone is hitting on me. It’s true, I do ;) We then had Chinese buffet. Yak!

Alright Pimps and Hos, I’ve outdone myself. Voila! Have a superfluously marvelous day everyone!

Songs of the Day:
Groove me – King Floyd
I Ain’t Missin You – John Waite (I may have listed this one before, I dunno…it’s fitting…thanks Nikki for the CD!)
Only the Lonely - The Motels
C’est La Vie – Robbie Neville (Nikki can explain this one…)