He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...but SHE loves me!

Team Laura had a system breakdown last night…I coded. I felt it comin too, like you feel throw-up coming. You know, when your mouth waters up and your stomach is rolling. I was on my way home from working at Curves (again, I can’t say this enough…GREAT JOB!) and I left Lyn-zee a message saying, yes, I know it’s primetime, but could she call a me back later on tonight, because I dunno, I’m just really sad and really pissed off oh and saaaaaaad and I loved her. I say that a lot on messages when I’m sad don’t I? So yeah, seems I am thanking people profusely nowadays because every time I turn around a good deed is being done for me because I prolly yelled, “I QUIT!” and threw something, prompting them to intervene. So, she called me back indeed at about 9pm and whoaooooooa nelly! I lost my shizzle with her. For those of you who know me…I reintroduced the moose cry. Not the chocolate mousse cry, but the animal-with-giant-antlers-who-likes-to-hang-out-in-Canada-a-lot cry. Bullwinkle. See…all this crying I talk about doing, well it’s true, I do it, but it’s just like a two second baby cry and in the words of William Shakespeare, ‘much to do about nothing’. I like to have my breakdowns in short manageable bursts over dumb shit, rather than full out moose killings (we’ll get into this in a minute) that leave me hyperventilating for hours (not violently...just those little involuntary gasps for air we get after crying) Other manifestations are: having my eyes be swollen and red, I can’t really breathe out of one nostril, even if I blow snot rockets, a giant pile of Kleenex on the ground (not an allergy-season kind of pile…more like the pile where the tissues don’t really have any dry spots on them and are rather ectoplasmic). Last but not least…the crying headache and then subsequently, the crying pass out and crying hangover. You violent criers know what I’m talking bout. Your head is a rockin like a wino’s, you have a pulse in your temple, and on top of it, you’re not getting air cept for this whistley wheeze like Fatty McGhee. Then, after some time, it’s taken all you have and you pass out. Then, IF you even wake up at all to an alarm, you are just really worthless the whole next day…this is the crying hangover. Ok…so I think I’ve sufficiently and dramatically described the Moose Cry to you except for one minor detail and that is…how it got its name. When I let it go…when the cork pops out da “regression” bottle, it’s much like the scream-barfing Nikki described earlier cept it’s a different noise. It much resembles the sound of a moaning moose whose just been shot, but not quite dead…not feminine to say the least. It makes other people cry really, because they want it to stop…soon. Not many have seen it, and those that have, it’s not frequent. I don’t like to let loose like that, mainly because of the physical repercussions listed above, but also, because it’s pointless and serves NO purpose besides making me look pathetic and hurting my overly-inflated pride. I’ll admit it, I’d rather laugh than cry.

So anyway, this has not been sufficiently about Lindsay as it should be. Poor thing was sick as a damn dog last night and hacking in my ear something fierce (it’s ok baby, its wasn’t as bad as the moose cry), and I felt terrible that she was feeling so sick but still hanging in there listening. So, I’m going to praise you today in the form of a Yew-goo-guly As Derek Zoolander calls it. I bet you’ll say that I’m a bad yewgoogalizer or something though. ;)

Lindsay Jordan Hill. 1977-present. Capricorn. Brunette. GREAT smile. Gives great h…….ugs. ;) Big tits. Very horny. What can one say to really sum up Lindsay besides that she so sweet and funny and her laugh is so unique…it’s infectious. I think that may be one of my favorite things about you Linz. Or maybe it’s one of my favorite noises. Yes. We’ve been friends for about 18 years. If we’d have conceived a love child when we met, the sweet thing would be able to enlist in the US Army this year. *sniff, sniff* Met you in Ms. McCreary’s 6th grade English class. You were a snob. You didn’t invite any of the MagoVista girls to your birthday party and I thought you saw us as WT riff raff from the SP side of Arnold and didn’t want to hang. Later I found out, you didn’t invite me because you thought I would think it was gay…not cool enough for me. This scenario pretty much set the tone for our entire relationship, as I am in fact so much cooler than you…I just don’t know it. haha kidding. You can be so selfless and sweet and comforting and supportive and such a good listener! You’re compassionate and funny and truly, your picture is next to the true meaning of “a best friend” in the Laurictionary. It’s the picture of you making blow job faces though. Those are my favorite. ;) Plus, you can have a HELL of a good temper tantrum…real bad. And there’s nothing that appeals to me more than a kindred soul who can cry and carry on over things like cellulite, car trouble, a guy you picked up at a bus depot, and bad hair day, etc and have a good tantrum over it. You and I are perpetually in our terrible twos :)

I know you can very much relate to the crying symptoms, as you’ve shed many a tear and I hope that I could comfort you more times than I even know. Anyway, I think that everyone will think that we are in love…so I am going to sum this up and say, I love you!!! Thank you SO much. You were my safety net last night and you know how gushy I get after I get really vulnerable and you didn’t kick me while I was down. Not that you would…it’s just one of the reasons I don’t like to really express those types of feelings with others…I’m always afraid the person on the other end will belittle them, tell me to stop my bellyaching, or not understand. (Again, I repeat…I am in shock therapy and heavily medicated so we’re making progress--hehe). So you ROCK girlfriend and I hope we’re friends forever. Promise? Also thank you for the follow-up email you sent this morning to make sure I got out of bed and was able to see out of both eyes. It’s personal, but I think it’s sweet so I am going to share part of it:

I know you have a big meeting and I'm actually swamped at work right now, but I wanted to see how you are doing? I hate hearing you so upset- you'll get through this rough period and you'll find a way to make the outcome even better than what you started with originally when things were good....I'll help ya every step of the way that I can too....love hurts, just know that if it didn't, then you really wouldn't be in love. This is not the end- there is way more to come, I just know it. Luv u

You’re a sweetie. To answer you…I’m doing great. How can I not be? :) By the way everyone…I don’t have cancer. hahaha. I just was reading this thinking how f*cking pathetically devastated I am acting over something small and it sounded terminal. Not at all. When we set the date for our next quarterly meeting at the end of this morning’s pow-wow, it hit me that the last meeting was in November. I found myself preoccupied during this whole HUGE meeting with my current status of emotions…just running things over in my mind, trying not to let go. As we set the new date, I felt hopeful. I thought, “May 18th WILL come, and, I will be fine by then. In fact it’s likely that I will have an entirely new problem at that point!” ;) This mainly came to mind after realizing that whatever was ailing me in November, was definitely not the same thing that was bugging me at this meeting! Gave me perspective I suppose. Just need time. Wish I could buy it.

Ok, this is crucial…To the rest of my wonderful, beautiful shining stars who are such great friends and sisters; Don’t be jealous of my love letter to The Linz. I love you just as much if not more than her, but don’t tell her that, ok? I will surely dedicate many a blog just to you in the months to come. So please join me in praising Lindsay. Plus…she handled the train wreck…so you didn’t have to. That’s at least worth a shout out doncha think? ;)

I nailed my meeting by the way! ;) Everyone was super impressed! I still have a job. (yey) So life ain’t that bad. I have a dramatic flair, yes indeedy, and I’m just going to be a little erratic until the end of March…I’m just warning you now. Most of you know what’s going on with me, so there’s no point in beating around the bush. I’m flip flopping from utter sadness, to anger, to psychotic laughter. haha What can I say? I just feel, “Less Than” right now. Less than perfect, less than beautiful, less that sane, less that understanding, less than patient for damn sure, less than thrilled. I think, if I were more, then…

So, call me ok? All of you. I need you. I love you.

Ok, I’m out like a fat kid runnin to 1st base! Run Forrest! Ruuuuuun! Aren’t you lucky? TWO blogs in one day! weeeeeeeee!!! Too bad it’s depressing! This was a long one. Soooo sawwweeeee!

Songs of the Day:
Somebody to Lean On – Al Green
Aint No Sunshine When She’s Gone - Bill Withers
Cryin – Aerosmith (hehe)
Love Hurts – Nazareth (what a sucky name for a band…unless you are Jesus. I hope it’s ok that I talked about Jesus on here Linz. I will put on my Jew Beanie and wear it to Curves tonight in repentance)

Wind Beneath My Wings – Bette Mildew
Ok this is totally a joke…it’s an unbearable song. Lindsay, was it cold there in my shaaaadow? To never have some light on your faaaace? Were you content to let me shiiiine? That’s your way. You always walked a step behind (but I always thought that was b/c you were ‘slow’ tho)