...Ennui...Langeweile...however you want to say it, Im suffering from it: Boredom. I'm in Des Moines, Iowa. Good times. And what's more is, there's like 6" of snow on the ground and its 20 degrees American or what some "people" call "Fahrenheit". If you'd like to know what it is in Canadian, please see The Stargate Humper (sorry E, I couldn't resist using your new fundy-issued nomenclature). He happens to have the formula for converting temperature from American to Canadian. ;) I know it to be true because he attempted to school me on it this morning, insisting that that was in fact -6.6666666 degrees "Celsius", aka "Canadian". Luckily, it did not take and I retained nothing. Whew. That's so "European" of you to know that E...and very "American" of me not to. So we're all in check. ;)
Ok so I'm still sooooooooo bored. I am here on business and I don't have all my DC coworkers to help lay on the pressure and work anxiety and I don't have a car! Not that I could drive it here anyway. The snow is the same consistency of cocaine. I mean what I would expect coke to look like. Yeah. Ok let's use "baby powder". Are we more comfortable with that analogy?
I'm staying in a beautiful hotel (Marriott, Des Moines) though, being the codependant lump of matter that I am, I'm lonely and bored there too. Woe is me. haha I think I might take a bubble bath and read some more Harry Potter tonight. Though I have to admit preemptively, that I have a feeling that's something that is much better in theory than in practice (as I just got a vision of me cussing and crying as I fish around in the bubbles for The Order of the Phoenix, having just dropped it in the tub with me). I don't suppose that will dry by Saturday.
Ok, I'm actually so bored that I'm now void of anything interesting to say. I'm just using you to take up time. ;) Additionally, its only 4:14 pm here right now. That's 5:14 pm Eastern-American. This is the longest day ever.
WAIT! JAILBREAK! Someone just offered to take me back to the hotel and for drinks! Woopie! I'm out. Later worker-bees!
.......................ok, I'm back. Yeah, that was a short excursion. I've decided that I should keep a diary of my boredom for you. Ive determined that the things that run through my head when I'm bored are certifiably insane and I should most definitely relieve myself of these thoughts by dumping them on you. :) All timestamps are Central American Time ;) I plan to just keep signing on and updating the diary as the night progresses (or doesn't progress rather).
5:47 pm: I've been in my room about 30 minutes and I've done everything fun there is to do. I signed on to the free highspeed and checked to see if my new security token works (which it does, and this is a GOOD thing). This should allow me to sign on to the network for my company anywhere that has internet. This is favorable for working long hours, not only at my desk but on what would be my personal time. Told ya it was a good thing. ha.
6:02 pm: I managed to check all the movies that are available on the TV (for the ever so unexpected low price of $10.99 + tax!) and now feel that will have to be a last resort. I can't justify $13 for a movie. what-eva. So I then cruise all the "self-help" programs that they offer and I've decided that I don't really care to know the top 9 mistakes made during presentations, how to make a quick buck, how to deal with difficult people or how to have a better marriage (courtesty of the Mars-Venus dude). I can easily tell um, you, like, the um, 9, er mistakes that um....whats the word? oh that people MAKE during like presentations, ya know? I KNOW how to make a quick buck and I prefer to do that in DC where I can get more bang for my buck IF ya know what I mean (plus my clientele is just so reliable there), I AM a difficult person, so I don't need to learn how to deal with myself. I doubt anyone could teach me that...especially in a 90 minute video. And last but not least...how to have a better marriage. Oh you mean better than the FIRST one? ha...I hardly see how that will help me now, Mr. Mars-Penis. So then I "perused" the adult films. $14 + tax (but you can fast forward, rewind and pause, so really isn't it worth it?) The titles of these movies were good for a giggle. A 3 minutes giggle. Oh goodie. Only 13 more hours to fill. I then decided to cruise the TV channels. Do you know that I have FOUR ESPN's and no MTV? No VH1, no MTV 1, 2, 3, 4 or 58. No Inferno, no Made, no Run's House. No VH1 classic. I do however, have ESPN Classic so I can watch USC beat UCLA 22 to 21 in err...looks like 1981. The most exciting part of that game was hearing the word "Trojan" every other word. tee hee. Jeff Daniels is in the studio next to tell everyone about his obsession with the Red Wings for 35 minutes, with no commercials. Wow. Good thing he's not going to talk about making Dumb and Dumber, because that would be too interesting for me and you wouldn't get such a long entry about my boredom.
7:01 pm: Ive just noticed that I got a new bottle of Bath and Body Works Aromatherapy shampoo and conditioner, but they've added a body lotion and mouthwash today. I'm elated.
7:05 pm: Hey! They took my bubblebath though! :( Do you think I could use shampoo for bubble bath or would that be a total disaster?
7:31 pm: I've just now turned to HBO and there is a movie on with Cedric the Entertainer and Vanessa Williams (my God her acting is scrumptulescent) and I'm starting to notice that it is the black version of National Lampoons Summer Vacation. Down to the comedic mishaps that put Cedric in a hot tub with 5 naked co-eds only to be discovered by his loving wife. Whoops! hahahahahahahahahahaha. Yeah. It was hilarious the first time when it was Chevy Chase in the pool with Christy Brinkley. Luckily though two things are happening here: Little Bow-wow is in this. Thank God. I was wondering what happened to that little rascal! Secondly, I seemed to have picked up this movie exactly where I left off at 7:30am this morning when I left for work. It's like no time has elapsed. Ya know, nothing helps boredom better than stopping time.
7:45 pm: I'm hungry. Should I order a $42 steak? I'm more of a "Eat Mor Chikin" girl myself. Bummer.
7:55 pm: "If you build it.....he will come."
8:30 pm: I ordered dinner. That guy who took my order was nice. Also, as Lindsay used to say (and this would crack me up), he sounded hot. Especially when he asked how I wanted my chicken done. I said in a really breahy voice, "All the way...BABY." Yeah! ;) I also ordered the movie Bewitched. So far its cute. I dont know if its worth the money but it kept me from ordering porn. Plus Will Ferrell is in it. Win win.
8:42 pm: My steak has a sign in it that says, "Med. Rare" in it and its shaped like a cow. Im keeping it.
9:31 pm: OOOOOOhhhhhh...I'm full. That was excellent. That steak was steaktastic. It was so tender and juicy mmmmmmm...I need a steak nap. By the way, Bewitched is actually VERY funny. I'm really laughing hard at some parts. That Will Ferrell is a real jokester.
Ok so I'm still sooooooooo bored. I am here on business and I don't have all my DC coworkers to help lay on the pressure and work anxiety and I don't have a car! Not that I could drive it here anyway. The snow is the same consistency of cocaine. I mean what I would expect coke to look like. Yeah. Ok let's use "baby powder". Are we more comfortable with that analogy?
I'm staying in a beautiful hotel (Marriott, Des Moines) though, being the codependant lump of matter that I am, I'm lonely and bored there too. Woe is me. haha I think I might take a bubble bath and read some more Harry Potter tonight. Though I have to admit preemptively, that I have a feeling that's something that is much better in theory than in practice (as I just got a vision of me cussing and crying as I fish around in the bubbles for The Order of the Phoenix, having just dropped it in the tub with me). I don't suppose that will dry by Saturday.
Ok, I'm actually so bored that I'm now void of anything interesting to say. I'm just using you to take up time. ;) Additionally, its only 4:14 pm here right now. That's 5:14 pm Eastern-American. This is the longest day ever.
WAIT! JAILBREAK! Someone just offered to take me back to the hotel and for drinks! Woopie! I'm out. Later worker-bees!
.......................ok, I'm back. Yeah, that was a short excursion. I've decided that I should keep a diary of my boredom for you. Ive determined that the things that run through my head when I'm bored are certifiably insane and I should most definitely relieve myself of these thoughts by dumping them on you. :) All timestamps are Central American Time ;) I plan to just keep signing on and updating the diary as the night progresses (or doesn't progress rather).
5:47 pm: I've been in my room about 30 minutes and I've done everything fun there is to do. I signed on to the free highspeed and checked to see if my new security token works (which it does, and this is a GOOD thing). This should allow me to sign on to the network for my company anywhere that has internet. This is favorable for working long hours, not only at my desk but on what would be my personal time. Told ya it was a good thing. ha.
6:02 pm: I managed to check all the movies that are available on the TV (for the ever so unexpected low price of $10.99 + tax!) and now feel that will have to be a last resort. I can't justify $13 for a movie. what-eva. So I then cruise all the "self-help" programs that they offer and I've decided that I don't really care to know the top 9 mistakes made during presentations, how to make a quick buck, how to deal with difficult people or how to have a better marriage (courtesty of the Mars-Venus dude). I can easily tell um, you, like, the um, 9, er mistakes that um....whats the word? oh that people MAKE during like presentations, ya know? I KNOW how to make a quick buck and I prefer to do that in DC where I can get more bang for my buck IF ya know what I mean (plus my clientele is just so reliable there), I AM a difficult person, so I don't need to learn how to deal with myself. I doubt anyone could teach me that...especially in a 90 minute video. And last but not least...how to have a better marriage. Oh you mean better than the FIRST one? ha...I hardly see how that will help me now, Mr. Mars-Penis. So then I "perused" the adult films. $14 + tax (but you can fast forward, rewind and pause, so really isn't it worth it?) The titles of these movies were good for a giggle. A 3 minutes giggle. Oh goodie. Only 13 more hours to fill. I then decided to cruise the TV channels. Do you know that I have FOUR ESPN's and no MTV? No VH1, no MTV 1, 2, 3, 4 or 58. No Inferno, no Made, no Run's House. No VH1 classic. I do however, have ESPN Classic so I can watch USC beat UCLA 22 to 21 in err...looks like 1981. The most exciting part of that game was hearing the word "Trojan" every other word. tee hee. Jeff Daniels is in the studio next to tell everyone about his obsession with the Red Wings for 35 minutes, with no commercials. Wow. Good thing he's not going to talk about making Dumb and Dumber, because that would be too interesting for me and you wouldn't get such a long entry about my boredom.
7:01 pm: Ive just noticed that I got a new bottle of Bath and Body Works Aromatherapy shampoo and conditioner, but they've added a body lotion and mouthwash today. I'm elated.
7:05 pm: Hey! They took my bubblebath though! :( Do you think I could use shampoo for bubble bath or would that be a total disaster?
7:31 pm: I've just now turned to HBO and there is a movie on with Cedric the Entertainer and Vanessa Williams (my God her acting is scrumptulescent) and I'm starting to notice that it is the black version of National Lampoons Summer Vacation. Down to the comedic mishaps that put Cedric in a hot tub with 5 naked co-eds only to be discovered by his loving wife. Whoops! hahahahahahahahahahaha. Yeah. It was hilarious the first time when it was Chevy Chase in the pool with Christy Brinkley. Luckily though two things are happening here: Little Bow-wow is in this. Thank God. I was wondering what happened to that little rascal! Secondly, I seemed to have picked up this movie exactly where I left off at 7:30am this morning when I left for work. It's like no time has elapsed. Ya know, nothing helps boredom better than stopping time.
7:45 pm: I'm hungry. Should I order a $42 steak? I'm more of a "Eat Mor Chikin" girl myself. Bummer.
7:55 pm: "If you build it.....he will come."
8:30 pm: I ordered dinner. That guy who took my order was nice. Also, as Lindsay used to say (and this would crack me up), he sounded hot. Especially when he asked how I wanted my chicken done. I said in a really breahy voice, "All the way...BABY." Yeah! ;) I also ordered the movie Bewitched. So far its cute. I dont know if its worth the money but it kept me from ordering porn. Plus Will Ferrell is in it. Win win.
8:42 pm: My steak has a sign in it that says, "Med. Rare" in it and its shaped like a cow. Im keeping it.
9:31 pm: OOOOOOhhhhhh...I'm full. That was excellent. That steak was steaktastic. It was so tender and juicy mmmmmmm...I need a steak nap. By the way, Bewitched is actually VERY funny. I'm really laughing hard at some parts. That Will Ferrell is a real jokester.
4 Comments:
i'm confused...did you have chicken or steak? yeah...that's all i got out of that whole thing. so, i'm simple-minded okay? lol.
okay, as i sit here commenting i'm getting a little pissed off. why arent you on IM? i'm so mad at you for that. haha. how are we supposed to talk about my violent, radical mood swings when you're not here? and what i'm eating for lunch? sheesh.
ET phone home. gotta get the hells bells out of this window.
but i did want to say that you're so friggin funny and you crack my ass all up with your writing.
kisses.
I had steak. It was yummy, but I thought about having chicken. Also I was confused. I think it was in part due to the fact that I slipped into a boredom coma and wasnt able to really distinguish steak from chicken. Either that or I was placed under the Imperius Curse...by an evil boring wizard, hoping to spread mass boredom and rid the world of all exciting people or half-exciting people. Only pure-blooded boring people can really walk the earth with them (or so he said...I dunno I cant recall, he was really boring me...wah wah wah wah).
LOL oh babe, that's really horrible evening :(
New one for you, courtesy of my friend...
Sub-porno: Acting so bad that it makes porn actors/actresses look like they are delivering Oscar worthy performances during dialogue scenes.
As in: Vanessa Williams was sub-porno in that movie.
And the formula goes like this:
C * 9/5 + 32 = F
SH ;)
Haha, I still do that Laura- I still get off the phone with guys- no matter what the reason and I say "he sounds so hot!" hahaha...glad you enjoyed that big hunk of meat you ate...mmm I want meat- man meat that is....see, something's never change!
How can you be bored Laura, it's IOWA? The land of many things to do like cow-tip, hang at Walmart and sit at your hotel room bored b/c your stuck in Iowa!! :(
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