What Color Was John Brown's Gray Horse?

RANT ALERT!!! Neeee Naaaaw! Neee Naaaaw! <--siren

I'm working at Curves tonight, as I feel I do every night of my life, and I just had to interrupt your regularly scheduled program to comment on the level of intelligence in "this neighborhood". I apologize in advance to those who live in it or in the surrounding areas or grew up here...of COURSE I dont mean YOU. (heh)

So Curves is running this "Summer Workout Tournament" and there are about ohh...I dunno...about 22 teams of 4 women a piece. The object of the tournament is complex indeed. In fact, I'm surprised it's not an Olympic Event. Really. Each lady is awarded one sticker per workout to put on her little tally sheet on the wall (of various feminine and eye piercing colors). Additionally, she can earn another stick by either answering a "Curves Trivia Question" or completing one of two feats of strength and endurance: Hula hoop for 30 seconds, or get Yahtzee with 5 pink fuzzy dice the size of grapefruits, with a dirty black trashcan as 'the shaker'. The team with the most stickers at the end of the tournament wins, "a special mystery prize".

I am so over this game. I thought originally, "How is a stupid 'mystery prize' supposed to motivate them to do anything? And what purpose does this serve towards womankind?" Well low and behold, you'd think they were giving away a Pink freaking Cadillac with the way these wolves, whoops I mean women, are vying for stickers! They're insane! I swear I must get stopped during my workout (or blogging) 50 times to get someone a sticker the size of a lemon seed, that they are subsequently crapping their pants over. And I hear them talking shit about each other too! (ie: Hey! She got two!! I only got one! She didnt even DO anything! She's cheating is what it is.) Amazing.

Ok...cuttin to the chase here, before someone needs another sticker...I think a lot of the members are finding the Hula-hoop feat and the Yahtzee challenge a bit difficult ("oh ma gawd that is like sooooo hard!") and so they've figured out that if I'm working, and they ask for a trivia question, I'll probably say, "Yup. Heres your sticker beeeyatch!" for whatever answer they give. But wait, there is a reason for this not-so-random act of kindness! They are NOT SMART and I dont have the heart (or courage!) to break it to them..."Babe, youre stupid.".

Case in point...here's my favorite question to ask:
Me {unimpressed}: Which muscles are you working when you're using the Oblique Machine?
Member: errrrrr...{confused look} huh?
Me: {slower} Whaaaat muuuuuscles aaarrrree wooooorked on the OB-LEEK MAH-SHEEN?
Member: Ummmm...your legs? {timid look}
Me: on the OBLIQUE MACHINE. Oblique.
Member: the uhhhhh....le...{verbal pause looking for help}
Me {giving a hint}: Ooooooooooooo...
Member {copying me}: Oooooooooo.....
Member and I {same time, her one beat behind me}: Oooo-Bleeeeks!
Member {excited}: Obliques! Obliques! Where's my sticker?
Me: Up your ass.

Just kiddin, I dont say up your ass, I stick in on their WT manicured Glen Burnie fingernail (with small jewel super-glued to her index finger of course) and go about my business while they jump up and down, chastise other members and basically and act 8 years old. Now, I'm not trying to be a kill-joy here, but WTF? Would it be easier if I just asked them who's buried in Grant's tomb?!

So What Color IS John Brown's, Gray Horse, bloggies? If you said brown, in the words of Donald Trump, YOURE FIRED! haha I'm anxious to see who wins the mystery prize. Beware soccer moms! Watch your back if you win! These broads mean business! hehe

On that note, I will say that maybe I'm just all Curved out. This week alone, I was actually hit in the back of the head with the Hula-hoop while picking up the fuzzy pink Yahtzee dice (owww! this actually hurts!) and while moving the butt machine (yes, Lisa, I know, it's called the Glute Machine), I smacked my shin on the big steel bar that you push backwards with your foot! I have a knot the size of a tangerine on my shin and its black n blue already. :( Thats sexy. I was gonna go get manis and pedis with my sister on Friday and I'm sure those little Asians will be happy to see my bruised legs again. HOT! Me love you longtime!

Ok...I better go, there is a naked cat fight going on in the back over the "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!" puffy sticker. It's the "Big One"! It is coveted by all. ;) I have to brave my safety yet again, while my coworker cleans furiously to avoid the Tri-Idiot Tournament. Shes' a cleaning fool!!!

So...this one's for you J (cleanin fool)...it's her favorite...

Song of the Evening:
YMCA - The Village People

We got the Y, the C and the A down, and one of these days shes gonna learn that M! B'lieve hon! ;)

ps: oh, I forgot to mention that I got that 4th call I was waiting for! Im meeting with them on Monday to "talk turkey"! Big changes on the horizon for thelauralee! Party might be on me next week....I'm DC bound. Goodbye Balamer, Merlin, youz were good ta me fer 5 years hon. Time ta moove on downna road.

pps: the other question I like to ask them is: What muscles are used on the bicep and tricep machine? Again...blank looks. Its ok...not everyone can be as smart as meeeee! ;)